Welcome to the final edition of the 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer you some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.



Last week it was announced that the proverbial fat lady will be singing a big, fat, funeral dirge over 520's entombment this coming Thursday. So while the rest of you might be busy remembering wars and veterans and NASCAR races this Memorial Day, a select few of us will be fondly remembering our all-too-brief employment with Knoxville520, and our even briefer affair with The Monday After. The beers, the blogging, the hookers unconscious on the side of the road: Too many memories to adequately sum up in a neat little package of words. Instead, we'll let Photoshop do the talking, and provide you with a montage of pictures from Monday Afters past that more or less retraces our (mis)steps over the last five months.

Phase 1: The Early Months (Wherein we were just getting the hang of being snarky.)

Continue reading "Memorial Day" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 3:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Welcome to this We Did Not Make This Up edition of the 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer you some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.



Knoxville native Barbie Cummings was in a sticky situation.

Earlier this month, Ms. Cummings was driving back from a visit to an aunt in Nashville --desperate to return to her little puppies that were left home alone-- when a trooper pulled her and her pink car over for speeding. The policeman soon noticed that Barbie had liquor and narcotics in the back seat, so a quick-thinking Ms. Cummings diverted his attention to her other puppies.

Soon after disclosing to the officer that she was an adult film star, the titillated trooper immediately got on his car's laptop and went to her website. Perilously close to downloading in his pants, the officer quickly dumped the illegal drugs curbside, opened the patrol car door, invited Ms. Cummings inside, and turned the backseat into his very own porn shoot.

But was it worth it for Barbie?

"I didn't get out of anything. It was not a trade. Just like a guy - he got his, and I still got the speeding ticket."

He got his alright. The officer bragged to his co-workers about his adventures and referred them to Barbie's website, where he had given her permission to post pictures of their patrol car passion. Much to his chagrin, one of his buddies snitched.

We swear we did not make this up.




And now for our weekly rankings!

Continue reading "Come on Barbie, Let's Go Party" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 11:58 AM | Permalink

Welcome to this shaallow edition of the 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer you some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.



We here at 520 JUST realized that we've never posted half-naked pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal here on the site. Our deepest apologies.

Continue reading "Jake Gyllenhaal nude!" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 12:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Welcome to this one-in-a-million edition of the 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer you some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.



Knoxville loves it some Tennessee lottery this week!

While those hippy, education-loving Knoxvillians are overjoyed at the recent news that Tennessee gamblers have now shelled out over $800 million of their hard-earned money to the Lottery for Education Account since the its inception over three years ago, the rest of us are excited over last week's announcement of three (!) new Instant Games for us to spend our retirement money on: Royal Cash, Double Play, and Diamond White 8's. Diamond White 8's! It sounds so fancy!

Continue reading "We Heart Gambling" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 10:24 AM | Permalink

Operation: Save Our City From Itself prayer rally

Welcome to this subpar edition of the 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer you some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.



Whenever the goin' gets tough here in East Tennessee, you can always count on the tough gettin' their butts to church. And then forming an army.

Continue reading "Prayer for Pees" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 11:54 AM | Permalink

Welcome to the penitent 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer you some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.



Last week at Cedar Bluff Middle School, an 8th grader had a morning he won't soon forget. This particular kid, like most students nowadays, had listed a couple of his extracurricular activities on MySpace. This young man, unlike most MySpace users, was blissfully unaware that if you don't set your profile to private, then just about anyone can read all about your favorite music, or look at your pictures, or, in his case, discover that you abuse pot and OxyContin. Whoops! It looks like Dad got online and was none too pleased with what he found.

So how shall I punish this incredibly naive little addict? wondered the father. Why, I know! Public shame and humiliation! Yes indeed, this little dude's punishment was to wear a sandwich board declaring "I abused and sold drugs" while standing on the sidewalk in front of school as his friends arrived for first period.

Continue reading "MyShame" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 9:01 AM | Permalink

Welcome to the gahwgeous 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer you some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.



...Now, Missis, do jist look at dem beautiful white hands o' yourn with long fingers, and all sparkling with rings, like my white lilies when de dew 's on 'em...

-Uncle Tom's Cabin




Be wary, Knoxville. Another transient is coming to town, and this one doesn't want your money. This one wants to eat you alive.

Continue reading "Overtly White" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 9:00 AM | Permalink

Welcome to the splendidly glorious 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Continue reading "Tax To Grind" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 4:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Welcome to the below-the-belt 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Last week in a bold move, discount electronics giant Circuit City publicly announced that it was the shadiest company to have ever existed in the history of business, ever. If you haven't heard, the company recently decided to fire all of its employees who were making too much money (regardless of how many years they'd been faithfully toiling in retail hell) in an effort to slash their expenses, which put big, fat-cat smiles on shareholders' faces. And in an insult-to-injury move, Circuit City then offered to rehire the axed employees, as long as they were willing to take significant wage cuts.

Continue reading "Insult to Injury" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 10:02 AM | Permalink

Welcome to the canoodling 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Here at The School of 520, things are pretty sweet for our intern students. On the first day of class, for example, we teach them the ABC's of Rocking Out ("W is for With Your **** Out"). There is hardly ever any homework, except for mandatory band watching and bar sampling, and the only "tests" are tests of will power: being able to get up after a night out and crank out an article. Imagine our dismay, then, when things suddenly took a turn for the serious here at The School of 520. I mean, we never thought we'd have to deal with this very sensitive, very important issue, but then Phil's mom called and complained. Thanks a lot, Phil's mom.

Continue reading "Yarrmen." »

Posted by the 520 gang at 12:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Welcome to the passionate 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

We here at 520 aren't quite sure if we have the will to go on (watching daytime television).

Sure there's Ellen, in all her pant-suit feel-good dancing glory. And those deliciously loud crows from The View, shouting their opinions for the gods to hear. And there's Meredith, everywhere, bouncing from Today to Millionaire. There's even Granny and Jethro, if you can stand that show.

Continue reading "You Are My Passions For Life" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 1:35 PM | Permalink

Welcome to the salubrious 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Continue reading "Oh Help Us..." »

Posted by the 520 gang at 10:21 AM | Permalink

Continue reading "Coaches of the Tennesseans 2: Dread Man-Chest" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 10:57 AM | Permalink

Welcome to the salubrious 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Continue reading "Oscar Love" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 11:19 AM | Permalink

Welcome to the salubrious 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Continue reading "Exterior Decorating" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 2:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Welcome to the new 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

photo by Jay Baird

Continue reading "Goodness Gracious" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Welcome to the new 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Continue reading "Hey Hey For Pey-Pey" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Welcome to the new 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.




Just over a week ago, we here at Knoxville520 thought we were at the end times.

Continue reading "Cold Patootie" »

Posted by the 520 gang at 2:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Welcome to the new 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Continue reading "Give Me A Piece of Sweet Country Ham" »

Posted by Sara Schwabe at 1:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Welcome to the new 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

This week marks an important yearly turning point in the lives of us Knoxvillians. It is the same week every year that we realize how silly it was to get all worked up over the Volunteer's football season when all it gave us was disappointment, headaches, and another damn loss to the Gators. It is the week that we come to our senses, notice our families again for the first time since August, and realize that what's really important in our lives can be found not at Neyland Stadium (duh!) but instead at Thompson-Boling Arena, where our happiness was surely hiding all along.

Continue reading "Pat & Pearl" »

Posted by Sara Schwabe at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Welcome to the brand-new 520 blog, The Monday After. This blog is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer up quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Jeez, what a week.

Continue reading "Rocco's Modern Life" »

Posted by Sara Schwabe at 1:00 PM | Permalink

Welcome to the brand-new 520 blog, The Monday After. This blog is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer up quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.


In case you missed it last week, the Guttmacher Institute in New York released the findings of their study of how many Americans get into the sack before tying the knot. Surprise, surprise: 95% of Americans do the deed before getting hitched.

Continue reading "Gingerbread Nookie Edition" »

Posted by Sara Schwabe at 12:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Welcome to the brand-new 520 blog, The Monday After. This blog is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer up quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past weekend, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.



Last week, UT had its annual fall commencement ceremony at the Thompson Boling Arena.

Continue reading "Holy Crap, I Graduated!" »

Posted by Sara Schwabe at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Welcome to the brand-new 520 blog, The Monday After. This blog is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer up quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past weekend, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Continue reading "Dolly Parton Tribute Edition" »

Posted by Sara Schwabe at 12:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Welcome to the brand-new 520 blog, The Monday After. This blog will be our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers to offer up quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past weekend, including concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

Continue reading "Bond. Naked Bond." »

Posted by Sara Schwabe at 10:17 AM | Permalink