Phil Pollard: An Earth Day Odyssey (pt. 2): People still party
(Continued from here)
Then the guy with the sunglasses spoke.
I got a perfect solution about how to enjoy our parks, become a better citizen, and still party.
There's a problem in our parks. Have you gone for a walk along the shore lately? Glass, trash everywhere. Have you tried to throw some disc? Glass, trash everywhere. You can’t hardly bring your children down there without constantly reminding them to watch out for the glass. Forget about going barefoot in the park. It’s dangerous.
But why do we go to the park? It’s lovely to see the river. Sure. I like to walk and throw discs on the disc golf course? Sure. I like to do these things while high? Better answer. Much better answer.
Look, I don’t even get high in the park anymore. I’m taking my children for walks and I'm teaching them how to throw frisbees I'm showing them how to enjoy life, their own and the life of nature-the woods, the river, the various animals.
Others do though, many others. Every time we go, people are partying. That’s great; they don’t bother us, we don’t bother them, everybody minds their own business.
I could say what everybody says: stop littering. Or maybe I could make a clever rhyme: don’t throw down on my town or whatever.
These don’t work. Remember the guy crying by the trash laden park? Very artistic; it didn’t work.
Here’s the solution. Call the police. Littering is illegal. You see somebody littering, call the police. The police will come; they like to drive in the park as much as anybody, plus they like to have a reason to roll through the park looking for dopeys. When they roll up, point out the disgusting offenders, explain what and where they littered, and you’ve become a better citizen. If we all start doing this, word will get out and the parks will get clean.
Wait, you say. I know, I remember; though I thought you might have forgotten my initial promise, what with your short-term memory loss and all. I know, you’re worried about inviting the police to your party. How much did you bring just to sit in the park for a couple of hours?! Good Lord! Bring a doober, and eat the roach. You’ll be fine.
Besides, maybe the police will catch a few of the real dopes, the ones who sell meth and hard stuff in our parks, around our children. Maybe those dopes will get toted to the park from their jail cells so that they can pick up some trash in the parks.
Then the man with the red, white, and blue glasses spoke.
Look, I'm an American. I work my week, and I rest on the weekend. I take care of my family, my house, and my yard.
So, when it’s eight o’clock on a Saturday morning, I’m still sleeping, or, I should say, I am until I'm choke startled awake by the awful grinding and the choking dust of gas mowers and leaf blowers.
Lawn mowers are not just annoying, they're killing us. The dust and polluton they create contributes to asthma attacks and other breathing problems. Heck, gas is poison.
Speaking of gas . . .
Did you know that a gas-powered mower running for an hour emits as much air pollution as a 100 mile automobile ride? And did you know that about 54 million Americans mow their lawns each weekend with gas-powered mowers? That's like 800 million gallons of gas every year. And when are using the mowers? You're right - in the summer, when ground level ozone is already at its highest.
So, not only are we poisoning ourselves, we're supporting the terrorists by running the gas mowers.
So I say, quit using the gas mowers, quit annoying your neighbors, and quit supporting the rogue nations. Be a real American: get a reel mower.
(To conclude 4/26/07)