The Monday After: Insult to Injury
Welcome to the below-the-belt 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.
Last week in a bold move, discount electronics giant Circuit City publicly announced that it was the shadiest company to have ever existed in the history of business, ever. If you haven't heard, the company recently decided to fire all of its employees who were making too much money (regardless of how many years they'd been faithfully toiling in retail hell) in an effort to slash their expenses, which put big, fat-cat smiles on shareholders' faces. And in an insult-to-injury move, Circuit City then offered to rehire the axed employees, as long as they were willing to take significant wage cuts.
We here at 520 salute your ballsiness, Circuit City, and enthusiastically condone your behavior. You see, we 520ers recently tried to cut down on our expenses by replacing intern Dustin with a toaster. While the toaster was willing to work for next to nothing, we discovered that it was neither willing to participate in group discussions nor capable of data entry or article writing. So we had to hire Dustin back. But we now pay him solely in toast. And he likes it.
But there's still a lesson we can learn from you, Circuit City. And that lesson is, when you've got a man by his man-bits, you may as well go ahead and call him names while he's down. So...
...finding any excuse to change the subject to women's bball...
...TAKE THAT Lady Tar Heels! I mean, gawwwd, you had a 12 point lead on us with only eight minutes left and you FRICKIN' BLEW IT! Sorry you had to walk away with a WHOLE LATTA NOTHIN', Miss Ivory! Your, your teammates, and Coach Hatchell can all march yo' SORRY, UGLY BUTTS back to that North Carolina ORC PIT you were hatched from!
Congrats, Lady Vols, for reaching tomorrow night's Championship Game against Rutgers. Go kick some HARLOT KNIGHT ASS!
And now for our weekly rankings!
This week's key:
= Worse than W.
= Woe.
= Whatever.
= We likey.
= W00t!
Union Jack's ()
If you've never been to England, you might not get just how much the British embrace camaraderie. One of their favorite pastimes is meeting at a pub for a drink or two with their mates. Union Jack's English Pub is a fine rendition of the English way with the no-nonsense servers and seemingly boundless types, brands, and variations of beer. A nice bonus this time was the evening's live music: first up, singer-songwriter John Adam Thomas entertained the crowd with his pleasingly unique acoustic sound; then his cousin (I think), Michael Thomas, took up the reins, and was equally terrific. Sadly, it was uncomfortably crowded for the majority of the time my friends and I were there, almost ridiculously so. Fortunately, most people were polite when jostling by with their very pointy elbows. Any old time you're looking for a place with some atmosphere, check out Union Jack's and see if you don't agree that if nothing else, it's got character. (4/5) -B.T.
Mr. Hank Sinatra at Loudon Amphitheatre ()
Saturday I got called up to fill in as the bassist for local singer/songwriter Mr. Hank Sinatra, I liked his tunes so much that I'm asking him to keep me around. Hank, Chris Peck and myself managed to get 7 songs together in about an hour and a half and headed over to Loudon to play a benefit for the Helen Keller Society. With about 7-10 different acts the benefit was a huge success, the music was mostly heavy rock and emo so we definitely provided some contrast with Hank's catchy acoustic hooks on life, love and politics. Check out his MySpace page, and come see us at our next gig. (4/5) -D M.
A Co-op Companion at the Black Box Theatre ()
Everything about the Actors’ Co-op 10th annual spring cabaret was positively delightful. Performed in the style of a 1940’s live radio broadcast, the talented cast, looking fantastic in their vintage costumes and elegantly coiffed hair, belted out an interesting and engaging variety of songs while being expertly accompanied by the Yankee Jass Band. It was also the attention to small details that made the show so special: the event program, table settings, and vintage radio show posters and “on air” and “applause” signs. The story line of the on and off-air romantic affairs of the characters was simple, sweet and funny. The chemistry and camaraderie between all the performers was unmistakable and added to the charm of the production. (5/5) -D.D.
Drunken Cha Cha Sentiment ()
One of my fave conversation spots is the patio at Cha Cha. Once the dinner crowd has gone, it becomes a surprisingly intimate setting. The low light, mellow music, cool breeze and gin Gimlets made for an excellent Friday night following the show at the Black Box Theatre. It was one of those magical nights when every person who walks through the door is a friend. (Insert "Cheers" theme here.) We started with a group of around 8 people, but ended up with about 20 folks gathered around the table. It was also one of those magical nights when I found myself sitting back for a moment, watching my friends talking and laughing, thinking about just how lucky I am to have such cool, smart and talented people in my life. (5/5) -S.S.
Tennessee vs. North Carolina ()
I don't want to bore you with a recap of yesterday's Final Four match up; that's what ESPN.com is for. I'll just say that the game was tremendously sloppy, and that we're lucky to have come out with a win.
I do, however, want to give the UT team some credit where they're due: The Lady Vols are hands-down at least ten, maybe eleven times more attractive than the Lady Tar Heels. Let's start with the Heels' starting five surnames: Little, Latta, Larkins, Pringle, and McCants. While "Larkins" might evoke images of songbirds, together the names sound like some sort of clown law firm. Sure, our own Alexis Hornbuckle has a funny name, too, but I like to think that hers sounds more like a heroic, feminist pirate.
As for their visages, Tennessee has compiled the prettiest team it's had in awhile. The past couple of years have thankfully seen the elimination of all the dreadful cornrows and weaves that were the trademark of women's basketball at the turn of the century; in its stead is a welcome Beyoncé-like beauty ethic spearheaded by Candace Parker, the super talented, super hot sophomore. Even Pat got into the beauty act last night by styling that mannish coif of hers into something very soft and flattering. (I think her State Farm commercial stint (in which some hair-stylist man-handled Pat into looking like a hooker) had some sort of positive effect on her grooming.) And compared to that troll Sylvia Hatchell - she's obviously very talented, and I'm sure she's a great person, blah, blah - that coaches North Carolina's team, Pat looked damn well sexy. (I mean really, under which hay bale did they find Ms. Hatchell? When she opened her mouth during a halftime interview last night, I couldn't believe how thick her accent was. But like I said, I'm sure she's just lovely.) (3/5) -J.B.
See you next week!