: Funny monkey
Greetings 520, Strapping Young Lad here, thanks for having me.
I am an easily amused sort of fellow. This has come as a blessing to me many times in my life, especially at times and places of prolonged waiting (doctors’ offices, department of vehicles, principal’s lobby, corner of North Shore and Kingston Pike). I believe it is one of the more treasured traits that somehow my blood line preserved over the last hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Ever seen a bored chimp? Me neither.
Fortunately, my genetic make up has naturally selected to replace eating nits off my brothers back and flinging poop with reading the funny pages and doing sudokus (to be fair, though, I have never really given the first two a chance and my brothers back hair infestation could use some attention). The art of distraction has evolved faster than any other human want. We have taken the idea of smooth pebbles and interestingly shaped sticks and expounded on them million fold. We have the internet, tabloids, radio, satellites, cable, cell phones, even good old fashioned papers and magazines providing us with more wonderful, useless, fluffy information than we could ever consume in ten lifetimes. All of which leaves us quite the gaggle of confused monkeys when we try to decide what to be distracted by and what to be distracted from.
Pop star shows off vertical grin or people trying to cure cancer? Teen actor shows off his hairy potter on stage in London or ice caps getting worrisomely thin? Texas stripper buys boobs and gets them published in national boob magazine, the boobs get a sudden rise to fame and they marry a billionaire corpse, boobs start to lose popularity, boobs hit the Ben & Jerry’s and get a reality show, boobs shed the pounds with a cocktail of over the counter diet crank mixed with antidepressants, boobs barely stand up at an award presentation, boobs get in decade long legal fight for billionaire corpses money, boobs have daughter, boobs lose son, boobs die leaving the boobs genetic material donors to duke it out with every man who had ever played with the boobs over what to do with the boobs, judge cries as medical examiner calls in to say “um, we need to do something about the boobs, they are starting to ‘turn’”, but oh what is to happen to the boobies’ poor motherless million dollar baby? or the ever growing amount of not rich children that are losing their mommies and daddies to a couple of wars that have been going on for quite some time now. So many choices.
It’s like we are magpies thrown into a room full of broken mirrors. We all just strut around trying to decide which piece of shiny glass we want to take. They all look so pretty.
Now, I am not shaking my finger from an ivory tower, mind you. We need distractions, for example like this here blog, because we need to care about things that don’t need caring about. We’d go crazy with out this stuff. It’s just odd, is all, when you take that step back and decided what you want to and don’t want to give a fart about. I was thrilled when the AP made an announcement that they would stop caring about a certain talentless hotel empire heiress. I smuggly agreed with myself that there were more important things to read about. I mean, holy hot buttered dammit, there is a new Star Trek movie in the works.
Well, I have ranted long enough. Point is, being a funny monkey ain’t such a bad thing.
Now, as for current distractions:
Tonight’s Picks: Brent Thompson & His Wandering Circus at the Preservation Pub. Those guys can keep my simian entertainment desires in check.
And as always, stay beautiful Knoxville.
Strapping -ooh what was that?-Young Lad