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And now, for all of you down with the Five Two Oh, I give you Strapping Young Lad

Well, society has once again survived another Oscar weekend. I would like to tell you how the suspense and drama of Hollywood 's most anticipated night had me on an emotional roller coaster ride that left me guessing all night. How the glamour and glitz had me stunned, the speeches made me weep, and Ellen made me laugh. All of which did not happen. I pretty much had forgotten about the entire hubbaballoo until a commercial on a different station begged me to watch Simpsons and Family Guy re-runs instead of the Oscars. Which I did, for the most part, aside from a random channel surf here and there.

The Oscars are just my yearly reminder on all the movies I said I wanted to see but didn’t get around to. I like movies well enough, it’s just that if I am going to drop twenty bucks on a few hours of entertainment, I’d prefer that a band and a beer buzz be involved. Now, I have been to theaters in the past that offered beer and food at your seat during current blockbuster releases. This concept is not currently available in Knoxville, but in other parts of the country it’s not so alien. This is a wonderful idea except for one thing: in a two hour movie, the hour and fifteen minute mark is usually a crucial story apex, the transition from the meat of the story to the exciting conclusion. In a two hour beer drink, the hour and fifteen minute mark is fifteen minutes past the time when you really, really, had to pee. You can see the dilemma.

I did see one, and only one, movie that won a coveted statue, Little Miss Sunshine. I somehow managed to miraculously rent it in spite of the mind erase devices they install in all Blockbusters. I know you have always suspected the presence of secret government brain scramblers at the rental places (they have them at the CD stores as well). It’s the reason you wander aimlessly around, aisle after aisle, as the titles on your mental ‘must see’ list dissolve away like bubbles from an Alka-Seltzer. You try to focus on your favorite actors faces, who is it you like again? Pauly Shore? Yeah, I like him, right? Biodome was a classic, right? It’s the entire reason people ever rent things like or Leprechaun: Back to the Hood or anything starring Hillary Duff. I must have been wearing my tinfoil hat the day I rented LMS, cuz it was way above par.

One thing I always remember, however, is da funk, and da funk was in Atlanta Friday night. Me and the boys in artvandalay took a trip down to Little Five Points on Friday to play a show at a club called The Five Spot. Not only did we get to play a great show, we were then treated by the super sharp funky style of Cadillac Jones. I mention this to my fellow Knoxvillians because on Friday, March 23rd we are going to repeat the whole shebang right here in K-town, at The World Grotto. Mark you calendars now and get your dancing pants back from the dry cleaners. Then you can go to the show and say ‘Damn, that Straps fellow was on the money on this one’.

Tonight's Picks: Eoto at the Grotto sounds like a winner for all your improvised real time loopy dance music needs. You could take a break and check out Grandpa’s Stash at the Preservation Pub while you’re down at the Square anyhow. Those boys got a pretty good thing brewin'.

I’d like to thank all the little people that made this moment possible…

-Straps