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This week's The Monday After is dedicated to the grandaddy of all award shows, The Academy Awards. While you might hate meaningless awards, self-absorbed celebrities, and the pointless debate on fashion that goes hand-in-hand with coverage of The Oscars, we love this crap.

Without further ado, we proudly present to you our Top Ten Moments of the 2007 Oscars.

10. Melissa Ethridge upsets Dreamgirls and conservatives with a win and a kiss. Backstage she says, "This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom."

9. Bald Jack and Diane Keaton drunkenly hand out the Best Pic award. At least, they were walking and talking like a couple of boozers. To be fair, it could have just been coke.

8. Gwyneth's wardrobe goodness.

7. Grammy-winning Beyonce, Oscar-winning Hudson, and Tony-winning Anika Noni Rose have a belt-to-the-death sing-off. Hudson wins.

6. Myspace gets a shout-out.

5. Tom Cruise shows up and everyone gets nervous. Plus, he gives an award to a gal at Paramount, the company that fired him.

4. John C. Reilly saves a lukewarm musical number from its death. But couldn't they have rehearsed a bit more? Funny stuff about wanting to bonk Mirren, though.

3. Ellen calls Penelope a Mexican. Nothing promotes diversity like lumping all the Spanish-speaking folk into one group! But Ellen saves the snafu with a joke about Judi Dench's boobies.

2. Jennifer Hudson shows up wearing tin foil.

And, drum-roll please...

The number one absolutely best thing about the 2007 Oscars: Renee Zellweger wasn't invited, thank God.

And now for our weekly rankings!

Ali Baba Time-Out Delicatessen

For years now, Ali Baba Time-Out Delicatessen (8361 Kingston Pike) has been a staple of hungry late-night revelers and gourmands alike, due to its reliably tasty food and its virtual 'round-the-clock operating hours. The menu offers up delicious Middle Eastern classics like shish kebab, shwarma (marinated meat cooked on a flat grill, stuffed into a pita with onions and some other stuff), a huge portion of garlic-stuffed, roasted chicken with rice, and the classic Gyro sandwich. The service is friendly, but also quick-paced -- as busy as this gem of a place is, don't take it personally when you've given your order and the response is "Thankyounextplease!" It's just part of the charm of this more than 20 year-old West Knox establishment. If you haven't experienced Ali Baba Time-Out Delicatessen, then make it your mission to stop by soon, and don't forget to pick out a piece of the honeyed, heavenly bak lava for dessert. Dining there is an option, but you may want to call in your order as take-out to avoid standing in line, since the place is almost always packed with hungry folks. (5/5) -B.T.

Cocktails at the KMA

Last month, the KMA kicked off this series of cocktail parties with a burlesque theme, which included a live performance by White Lightening Burlesque and vintage style pin-up girl photography by Tovah Greenwood. This month's cocktail theme was "addiction," and Tovah Greenwood was invited to show original photographs depicting this theme. A few hours before the event began, Ms. Greenwood was informed by KMA director, David Butler, that her photos were too explicit, even though the photos were staged and the "drugs" were props. Eventually, he allowed five out of the ten photographs to be shown.

Given his censorship of these photos, it's ironic that Mr. Butler seemed comfortable with the continuous loop of drug related music piped into the KMA's great hall. Bradley Reeves was also allowed to show his brilliant collection of addiction related archival films which began with cinematic humor (Cab Calloway, W.C. Fields, Woody Allen), followed by a vintage exploitation film about the dangers of marijuana and heroin use (which depicted dramatized drug use), local news coverage of drug busts, celebrities under the influence, and a very clever film showing a feline family coping with the cycle of addiction.

I don't understand why music glorifying drug use, and moving pictures of staged and real addiction were allowed, yet certain still photographs were banned. The KMA great hall is barren of art, and these photographs would have provided some thought-provoking art for patrons to ponder while waiting for the main event to begin. This censorship is very disturbing because it comes from our city's primary art museum. This same museum showed the very graphic and disturbing "Shoot the Family" photography collection, yet this Wednesday night, the KMA's director felt the need to protect us from five staged photographs depicting drug use. These cocktail parties deliberately have provocative themes as a means of attracting new and younger patrons to the museum. It should be expected that hosting an artsy "addiction" themed party is going to include some gritty realistic images. The archive film of an intoxicated and very belligerent George Jones was not funny. Censorship isn't funny either. (2/5) -D.D.

Yonder Mountain String Band at the Bijou

This was my first experience with this band and my first experience with a nearly all hippie audience. This jubulant crowd provided its own show of communal dancing with wild abandon, bubble machines, bare breasts and flying glow sticks. This newgrass jam band of young musicians were very skilled pickers, but their lack of lyrical exuberance didn't leave me with an "oh yeah! oh yeah!" kind of feeling. Even though the band's leader warned fans to stop throwing things (glow sticks) on stage, I thought they were a bit arrogant to desert their rabidly loyal fans for 10 minutes after an over-enthusiastic hippie dancer jumped on stage. When Keb'Mo played at the Tennessee Theatre and was hit by a cup of ice, he kept on playing and even called for security to assist the cup thrower who was being pummeled by the crowd. Now that's class. (2/5) -D.D.

Cage the Elephant with Nug Jug at the Preservation Pub

As if I don't go there enough, I managed to make my way to Preservation Pub once again this weekend to catch Bowling Green, Kentucky-based Cage the Elephant opening up for local favorites Nug Jug. Cage the Elephant provided an opening set of pure rock 'n roll, something I've been starved for recently. They even led the rocker lifestyle by often times coming off stage while playing guitar solos or singing. Nug Jug rocked hard as well, playing a long set of originals topped off with a raw rendition of a couple songs from The Who's "Tommy," and a number of encores. The crowd was not pleased to see them go. (4/5) -G.W.

Sanda Allyson at Cha Cha

Last week, I happened upon one of the most enchanting vocalists I've heard in Knoxville - or anywhere, come to think of it. Sanda Allyson, who is new to the area, appears regularly at Cha Cha. Her clear and lyrical voice reminds me of Eva Cassidy, while her phrasing is reminiscent of Chaka Khan's jazz work. She's got a very mature sound and evidently has a lot of experience. I'm sure it won't be long 'til Sanda Allyson is playing at all the jazz clubs in town - well, all two of them. Anyway, go hear her. You'll be happy you did. (4/5) -S.S.

See you next week!