Knoxville520.com

Greetings Gracious 520Readers,

Has everyone seen the ‘Knoxville Barbie’ email going around? I cried I laughed so hard when I first saw it J I guess I’ve lived here just the right amount of time to ‘get’ all of the references plus know enough people that I can easily think of someone that fits in each of the categories. Well, most of them anyway.

My current top 3 favorites are;

1st Place goes to Alcoa Barbie

“This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.”

2nd Place goes to Knoxville Center Barbie

“This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.”

And finally in 3rd place, Gay Street Barbie
“This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Gay Street Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow bumper sticker for free.”

NOT RIGHT! Who made these up? Does anyone know? I’d like to buy them a beer or a bake them a cake or something. They are, however, missing some key Barbies if you ask me.

Where is 4th and Gill Barbie? The UT Barbie? Where is good ole’ Gatlinburg Barbie? Old City Barbie? K.A.R.M. Barbie (the homeless live here too)? Bearden Barbie? North Knox Barbie? And last but not least the infamous ‘Fellini’ Kroger Barbie?

Can’t you just see it? UT Dorm Barbie could be all done up in the latest Old Navy fashions, her backpack chock full of books, her hair in a ponytail. She’d also come with her ipod and a Daily Beacon in hand.

Bearden Barbie would be in the latest Buckle fashions, driving a Volkswagen Jetta circa 2005 at the latest. Her hair is perfect, her nails are always a French manicure, and she’s on her way to Aveda to get a facial.

Fellini Barbie … she could be the first woman I saw there! She could have raggedy hair, and be missing most of her teeth. She could have on those hot pink stirrup pants (yes, you did read that right) and the flats on, which accentuated the straps on the stirrup pants. Besides the fact that they went ‘out’ 20 years, why was she wearing them, it was snowing? She would have that lime green sweater on and of course she’d have a half smoked cigarette dangling from her lips. She’d come with a Food Stamp card, and a few kids. But she wouldn’t have a cart to shop because Save-A-Lot is just across the parking lot and that’s where she goes. She’s at Kroger’s’ to cash her check.

Can you tell where I live? I can just see them now, each with her unique outfit and style, and specific environment and ‘world view’. I can’t wait to make more,…

So, my 520 readers what Barbies would you like to see and what would they look like? Ken’s too people. Oh and if anyone hasn’t seen the email – let me know.