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February 2007

February 28, 2007

Knoxville Jazz Festival

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The days are getting longer. The temperatures are starting to climb. Strains of sweet music fill the air. Yes, folks. It's Jazz Fest time and you can almost taste the hipness out there!


This is your one weekend a year to gorge yourself on a rich, American musical phenomenon. This city-wide festival will feature concerts headlined by world-reknowned artists, masterclasses taught by people who know what the hell they're talking about and local jazz talent at various locations.

Here's the lowdown...

Tonight:

Tom Johnson Quartet plus
Boling, Brown & Holloway featuring Grammy award
winning saxophonist Jeff Coffin.

East Tennessee History Center
601 S. Gay Street across from the
Tennessee Theatre
7pm
$10 admission

================

Friday, March 2

Knoxville Jazz Orchestra with NYC trumpeter
Bill Mobley.

The new CD, "Blues Man from Memphis" will
be available at this event.

East Tennessee History Center
601 S. Gay Street (across from the
Tennessee Theatre)
7pm
$15 admission

===================

Saturday, March 2

Bobby Lyle Trio / Nicholas Payton Quartet
Bijou Theatre
8pm
$25 admission

Check the website for details on free clinics by
some of the visiting artists.

Purchase your tickets today to the Saturday concert,
and receive $5 off each East Tennessee History Center
event.

Here's info about the master classes:

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Presented by the Knox County Public Library

Taking the plunge

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One of the truly neat places (do I lose cool points for using the word 'neat'?) in Knoxville is Ironwood Studios, the lair of artists John McGilvray and Preston Farabow, located in a battered old industrial site behind the Old Gray Cemetery. I've attended a couple of First Friday events in the space --evenings filled with food and alcohol, art and loud music, and some great conversations with random people.

Apparently, Ironwood Studios will host a Big Art Show on March 9, throwing open the doors for local artists to show their work. I've decided to take the plunge, by golly, so I've signed up and will now be busily running prints of my work during the next 10 days or so.

Wish me luck!

February 27, 2007

How sweet it is...

Well, instead of just being a tease about my homemade chess pie, I decided to share ...

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As for a recipe.

Bar Knoxville~ The "It" Nightspot for the Youth of Knoxville

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Location: Bar Knoxville (a little about the World Grotto for the Oscars)

Event: Just another Thursday and Saturday night

Drink (s) of choice: Jager Bombs, Coors Light (because Bar doesn't have Bud Light!)

Friends: Megan, her brother, Bekah, assorted others

So, I had heard so much about this "Bar Knoxville" through my friends and face book groups, I knew I had to check it out. Thinking it would be highly overrated, I set out one Thursday night, college night for those of you unaware, armed with only a group of my friends to conquer Bar Knoxville. I also returned on a Saturday night to see if it was any different than college night.

Bar Knoxville is located at 1820 Cumberland Ave. on "The Strip," where many businesses have come and gone in a blaze of glory. This same building has housed famous establishments such as Moose's and Liquid. Despite what friends had said about Bar Knoxville, or Bar as they call it, I had low expectations due to one experience I had at Liquid. The key word is one, because it was so disgusting, I never returned!

Having played at Bar on a Thursday night and a Saturday, I feel I have a pretty good feel for a club that takes on a totally different atmosphere each night it is open. Thursday night is extremely crowded. You can hardly even dance, which is upsetting, because I am the Dancing Queen, after all. Drink specials on Thursday night, the infamous college night, are unrivaled. Ladies above the age of 21 also get in free! $3 Jager Bombs and $1 beers simply can't be beat! Although Bar was crowded, the bartenders moved people along quickly. If you want fun with more drunk college students that you can handle on a Thursday night, Bar Knoxville is the place to be!

And then you begin to wonder why it's even called BAR Knoxville. It is very much a club, however, on Saturday nights, it takes on more of a bar atmosphere. The dancing is not lacking, however, you just have more room to dance. Also, there are more people simply hanging out, drinking, and talking. The music is mainly R & B, although I do recall (slightly) some "Sweet Home Alabama" coming from the DJ. I only slightly remember "Sweet Home Alabama" because of all $3 Jager Bombs. Don't worry, I wasn't the designated driver for the night!

Bar Knoxville is a lot of friend and some of my friends have made it a Saturday night tradition and others have made it a Thursday night tradition. My advice: only go if you are willing to be knocked down by all the people on Thursday nights. Also, don't go if you're not in college. I am pretty sure after I graduate, I would not find it to be too much because they are there to cater to a college crowd.

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I hope everyone had a great Oscar's weekend! I watched the Oscar's at World Grotto in Market Square, where they had a J Law fashion show during each commercial break. Check out J Law, a local Knoxville fashion designer on his my space page.

In my last blog, a comment was made that Donnamite is going out of business! This saddens me deeply. This store has been opened for seven years and Donna is a wonderful person. Knoxville is really losing out by Donnamite closing. You better get over there in the next two weeks or you'll never get to see it! Sad times...

Thanks for keeping me around last week and I hope that I earned your vote again!

XOXO
~Dancing Queen

National Spay Day!

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Hello, all my 520 comrades, it's Strapping Young Lad again,

It’s the 4th Tuesday of February and that can only mean one thing. I’m late paying my car insurance again! Woohoo! Actually I kid, what I really mean to say is Happy National Spay Day, Knoxville!

Gosh, has it been a whole year already?

Today’s the day to raise national awareness for the ever present problem of animal overpopulation. You are encouraged to take at least one of your pets in for spaying or neutering. And you were worried you would have nothing to do on your lunch break. But seriously, the local animal shelter euthanizes around 10,000 unwanted animals a year. You can help be part of the solution. Think of all the puppies and kitties. Especially the kitties. Especially the kitties that think the crawlspace under my house is their own after hours feline boudoir of love. I think there may be a kitty porn ring being run from down there. Ever heard a tom and tabby in the throws of passion (like maybe from under my living room)? It never sounds like either party is very happy about their participation. I think spaying and neutering would be doing these cats a favor.

Also, it's a little known fact that Bob Barker takes a shot to the crotch every time an unwanted pet is put to sleep (it's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?). So, if not for all the little cute and fuzzies out there, do it for an 83 year old man's dangly bits.

And moving on:

What happens when you combine a couple of MacBooks, some Ableton Live software, half a dozen midi control switches and keyboards, a rack case full of blinking lights and knobs, a couple of stringed instruments, a drum kit, some bongos, and two members of a big draw jam band? Very confused hippies. Actually what you get is Eoto.

Eoto is the brainchild of Jason Hann and Michael Travis from the very popular String Cheese Incident. They just so happened to be playing a show last night at the World Grotto. I have a bit of fascination for the art of real time musical loop creation and went to see how the big boys do it. And do it they did. As local electronic musicians G-Roc played their opening set, I was trying to gather if everyone else in the place knew what was going to happen here. I had visited Eoto's Myspace earlier in the afternoon and was well pleased that what these guys were pulling off was nothing like SCI. It was refreshing to hear a definite tangent being taken in a side project as opposed to a ‘more of the same, just different’ approach. I almost got a word in with Travis, who manned most of the technical gadgets that evening, and he almost got to talking about the ease of using Ableton Live when some guy cut me off and began asking what the Cheese was doing in the summer. Although it sort of grated my glutes a little, the musician just rolled with it and kindly exchanged words with the obvious fan. With a huge jam fan base, I imagine smiling and saying the same things over and over again with an honest grin in your cheeks is just a necessary skill. Both Hann and Travis were very accessible to all the crowds well wishes and conversation, most of which had nothing to do with what I was interested in hearing them talk about, but that was my problem and not anyone else’s.

When the show started, it was easy to see why these two excellent musicians decided to take on this left field-ish electronic musical endeavor of theirs. They were having a ball. The format is one of total improvisation. The music is just pure never heard before dance beat, made hot and fresh while you watch. I overheard a fan ask if they were going to play a track off of Eoto’s album, to which the reply was no. Neither would be able to remember how to play it.

All and all the entire thing worked. The audience of mostly young neo-hippies, think homemade skirts, dreadlocks, faded Widespread Panic t-shirts, etc. did not seem disappointed at all at Eoto’s performance and danced like a bunch of club kidz. They even broke out the plastic glow jewelry. To me it makes perfect sense. If you can enjoy a good stomp to an extended twenty minute guitar solo, why wouldn’t you find your groove in a continuous wave of homemade house music? The point being: I dug it.

Tonight’s Picks: Scott McMahan sings a mighty pretty song. Check him out at the Downtown Grill and Brewery tonight.

Until next time, this is Strapping Young Lad, reminding you to have your pets spayed and neutered.

Knoxville Jazz Festival Schedule

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It's the pointy end you have to worry about

Reynard versus Tristam

Sunday turned out to be a pretty good. The fun started with a three-hour-plus rapier practice. It had been three weeks since I had crossed swords with anyone, and I was jonesing!

Afterwards, I hosted a poetry gathering. Poems were recited. Beer was quaffed. Bean soup (lotsa garlic and rosemary) was slurped. The day ended in a nice, hot tub of bathwater,
eating some of my homemade chess pie and talking poetry with a lady friend.

Ah, the simple pleasures of life ...

February 26, 2007

Black Cadillacs rock the generation gap

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The Black Cadillacs, new generation representatives of Knoxville’s musical legacy, will blast the Corner Lounge Wednesday night with classic blues-rock and original numbers.

The band includes Will Horton and Cooper Hardison—each the son of a Knoxville music icon—who wowed the crowd at last spring’s second annual Bob Dylan Birthday Bash. Respectively, the teenagers are sons of Steve Horton, co-founder of legendary country swing band the Lonesome Coyotes, and veteran jazz guitarist Phil Hardison who has backed Nancy Brennan, among others.

“Cooper and Will brought the median age of attendees below 57,” quipped Nelda Hill, director of the Knox County Public Library Sights and Sounds Department. The Dylan festival, a project to raise money for the library, is a creation of the elder Horton.

“If there was a show-stopping act that night, it was Will and Cooper,” Hill added. “It's great to look at the future and see it knows all the same songs I do.”

Will, lead singer and harmonica player for the Black Cadillacs, is joined not only by Cooper (guitar and vocals) but cousin Matthew Hyrka (lead guitar and vocals); Phillip Anderson (bass); and Jesse Barden (drums).

The dividends of growing up in a musical family don’t extend solely along the paternal line. “The old man” might have introduced Will to a variety of music genres growing up, but, he credits his mother, Liz, as having a significant influence on his musical tastes by playing the Rolling Stones for him. Plus, teaching him some dance steps. The tribute show—at which numerous local bands cover their favorite Dylan songs—was Will and Cooper’s first gig together but Will’s public debut actually was about three years ago when he and Matthew, only in their mid-teens, played an open mic in Memphis.

Matthew and some other friends, including Phillip, actually started the Black Cadillacs in Memphis. When the band was in town, at Sassy Ann’s, for instance, Will sat in with them. Matthew and Phillip moved to Knoxville to attend the University of Tennessee and that’s when Will and his old schoolchum Cooper became full-fledged members. A fortuitous stroll completed the band lineup. “Matthew and I were walking around campus one day discussing the need for a drummer when we heard some really great drum licks coming from a nearby window. We jumped over this hedge and found the window and told the guy to meet us in the commons. And that’s how we met Jesse.”


$3 cover charge
8 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 28th
Corner Lounge
842 N. Central Ave.
865.971.1711

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The Black Caddys next local gig will be at the Knoxville Track Club/Covenant Health marathon April 1.

Ruby James Tonight

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Ruby James has hair kinda like mine, so we’re automatically linked, (it’s a girl thing don’t ask.). Here’s is ruby red of course, which makes it seem flaming. I bet she looks like she’s glowing when she’s on stage. Ruby James also has an amazing signing voice, (unlike me). Her voice is a bit Natalie Merchant a bit Stevie Nicks, sung a bit like Mary J Blige and a bit like … Sheryl Crow. I know that sounds like a crazy combo but it’s not really. Think sultry, smooth, alto flavored voice, chocolate mouse comes to mind. And then think powerful, soulful, deep from the pit of your heart delivery. Musically she is a unique combo of rock and R & B, a female John Mayer. I love the way she jumps notes vocally, her mastery of her voice is impressive. And her lyrics come from her heart, she’s got something to say, which automatically gives her points in my book.

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She hails from, LA, Austin, Charleston, and Orlando, guess she’s moved around a few times? And she has opened for Soul Asylum, 7Mary3, WAR and Fastball. Tonight she is here in our lovely city; we are blessed to be part of her cross country tour. You can check her out here, listen to a few songs, see her perform live, and read her bio. My favorites right now are Another Day and Fields of Stone. She’s one of those artists that found me on myspace and I’m glad she did. I look forward to checking her out tonight especially because she’s touring with a full band this time! I’ve never seen her live, but I’m looking forward to it.

Tonight: Ruby James at Patrick Sullivan’s 8 PM

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Oscar Weekend

And now, for all of you down with the Five Two Oh, I give you Strapping Young Lad

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Well, society has once again survived another Oscar weekend. I would like to tell you how the suspense and drama of Hollywood 's most anticipated night had me on an emotional roller coaster ride that left me guessing all night. How the glamour and glitz had me stunned, the speeches made me weep, and Ellen made me laugh. All of which did not happen. I pretty much had forgotten about the entire hubbaballoo until a commercial on a different station begged me to watch Simpsons and Family Guy re-runs instead of the Oscars. Which I did, for the most part, aside from a random channel surf here and there.

The Oscars are just my yearly reminder on all the movies I said I wanted to see but didn’t get around to. I like movies well enough, it’s just that if I am going to drop twenty bucks on a few hours of entertainment, I’d prefer that a band and a beer buzz be involved. Now, I have been to theaters in the past that offered beer and food at your seat during current blockbuster releases. This concept is not currently available in Knoxville, but in other parts of the country it’s not so alien. This is a wonderful idea except for one thing: in a two hour movie, the hour and fifteen minute mark is usually a crucial story apex, the transition from the meat of the story to the exciting conclusion. In a two hour beer drink, the hour and fifteen minute mark is fifteen minutes past the time when you really, really, had to pee. You can see the dilemma.

I did see one, and only one, movie that won a coveted statue, Little Miss Sunshine. I somehow managed to miraculously rent it in spite of the mind erase devices they install in all Blockbusters. I know you have always suspected the presence of secret government brain scramblers at the rental places (they have them at the CD stores as well). It’s the reason you wander aimlessly around, aisle after aisle, as the titles on your mental ‘must see’ list dissolve away like bubbles from an Alka-Seltzer. You try to focus on your favorite actors faces, who is it you like again? Pauly Shore? Yeah, I like him, right? Biodome was a classic, right? It’s the entire reason people ever rent things like or Leprechaun: Back to the Hood or anything starring Hillary Duff. I must have been wearing my tinfoil hat the day I rented LMS, cuz it was way above par.

One thing I always remember, however, is da funk, and da funk was in Atlanta Friday night. Me and the boys in artvandalay took a trip down to Little Five Points on Friday to play a show at a club called The Five Spot. Not only did we get to play a great show, we were then treated by the super sharp funky style of Cadillac Jones. I mention this to my fellow Knoxvillians because on Friday, March 23rd we are going to repeat the whole shebang right here in K-town, at The World Grotto. Mark you calendars now and get your dancing pants back from the dry cleaners. Then you can go to the show and say ‘Damn, that Straps fellow was on the money on this one’.

Tonight's Picks: Eoto at the Grotto sounds like a winner for all your improvised real time loopy dance music needs. You could take a break and check out Grandpa’s Stash at the Preservation Pub while you’re down at the Square anyhow. Those boys got a pretty good thing brewin'.

I’d like to thank all the little people that made this moment possible…

-Straps

Hey, Strapping Young Lad!

Strap

Since we're the only two males left blogging, I'm calling you out. It would be hard to arm wrestle via blog, but we could duke it out via beefcake shots for the prime voting demographic.

altar

Get yer Pirate Gear

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(editor's note: we had some difficulties with photos for this blog, so waited to publish til we fixed the problem. Even though the event is over, Tahlulah's blog is still a good read!)

I don’t know if this will get put up in time but in case it does, GO SEE CUTTHROAT SHAMROCK TONIGHT! They are playing at Preservation Pub, probably actually starting around 11 or 11:30, if past shows are any indication.

They are awesome; they are so awesome I have friends that drove over 6 hours to see them last year for St. Patty’s Day. Get out yer pirate gear, yer kilts, and yer leather; these men know how to throw a show! It's pirate music from the hollers of the Smoky Mountains rather than the Caribbean Sea, which does change things a wee bit. There is still dancing and drinking, just in Preservation Pub instead of some tropical isle. You can listen to them here. They are rather Billy Bragg, Pogue-esque-- well if they were kidnapped by pirates and then brought to East Tennessee. And you know you’ve never heard that unique mix before so do yourself a favor and - Go, Go, Go! I bet it won’t be long before their shows move to a bigger venue and a bigger and a, you get the picture. They won’t be a local secret for long!

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Pause for the Cause

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Sometimes, I feel the need to pause for the cause, actually I feel it everyday. Rain or shine, hot or cold, my dog Irie and I go for a walk, the 5 mile or so kind. We have a couple different neighborhood routes; sometimes we go see Libby, Mocha, Gizmo, and the boxers. Sometimes we go see the pack of hybrid-hyena looking dogs at that corner house, and Otis. And then there are the days we get in the car first and head over to

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another of my all time favorite places in Knoxville, Ijams Nature Center. I just had to go a couple days ago, when it was so warm and beautiful. Days like that are extra special for those of us from up North, where it actually gets cold in the winter and it never storms in February. I thought it was Armageddon when I experienced my first winter storm a few weeks after I’d moved here! But I digress … I arrived at Ijams later than usual due to the inexplicable construction on Cherry Street? The line of the cars in the detour route was annoyingly long, so I turned off to find my own way – which by the way - is the BEST way to learn how to get around. 5 minutes later I came out at the Weigles above the Old City. See, now that James White Parkway is cut off, you have to take the unbelievably long lighted Hall of Fame, the overly cramped Broadway/ Henley Street route, or the over the river and through the woods no-clue-how-to-retrace- route so you end up behind the police station to pick up James White for a quick hop skip and a jump over the bridge. Eventually we got there and since it is staying light longer (YEA!) we could make up for lost time.


Irie and I have several routes through Ijams as well, depends if we are running or walking, the time of day, and how many other people are there. See, while Irie and I are of the friendly variety we each have an alternate agenda which is not always conducive to being around lots of other people, or any for that matter! I’m praying and Irie is

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‘hunting’, which means she’s running around chasing after critters, and smelling things, and never actually catching anything. Even when Ijams is packed though you still have your space which is one of the things I love about it, plus it’s so close! In 10 minutes you can be out in the woods, with the rivers, hills, fields, and the mountain views. You can do a light walk and take in the variety of plants and wildlife in 30 minutes or you can do a hearty 5+ miler and take in all of Ijams, Meads Quarry, and the greenway running out into Forks of the River WMA (Wildlife Management Area). Both Ijams and Meads Quarry have nice hills and views so you can get your heart rate up, (try running up Tower trail) and the trails loop and meander around several bodies of water, which makes it all the more special to me. You know how water always adds that backdrop of sound, by its’ movement? Ahh, just thinking of it makes me want to go to the beach this weekend and listen to the waves, there is something grounding and comforting in the steady movement of water, it’s like looking up at a night sky full of stars and thinking the light you are now seeing first shinned millions of years ago, but it’s just now getting here! Which leaves me feeling connected, albeit slighty geeky perhaps? The other thing I love about the water being close by is the extra sparkle and shine it adds from the sunlight reflecting off the top.


You know how sometimes things hit us in life that make us stop and take stock of what it is we believe in anyway? You know when it seems like the rug is pulled out from under you? It makes you check in and ask, ‘what is it I’m living for’? See, at this point it was after 6 and the sun was beginning to set and we were out along the boardwalk, and the river was flowing, and the sky was lit up, and I was struck by the light. As we walked I watched the sunlight sink down and grow longer, the colors morphed into deeper hues and warmer tones, and I remembered something I used to think on often as a child. Does the sun need anyone to acknowledge that it rises and sets - to rise and set each day? I mean if we all lived like the people that lived underground in the Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis, (one of my favorite authors), and never saw the sun, it still would rise and set. The sun doesn’t need us to acknowledge its dance each day. And just because we don’t believe in it doesn’t make it any less true. When you are in a space where it’s down to the wire and you have to believe in a thing with every fiber of your being. The kind of down to the wire where you can’t go by what you see, otherwise you wouldn’t believe in a thing, like the sun, because you are in the dark at the moment and you can’t see the sun? That’s when you really need to know that you know that you know what it is you believe in. That’s when you need a good dose of vitamin T, Truth. Sometimes all you’ve truly got is what you believe and with the world continuously trying to ram subjectivity down my throat, I need to get away from manicured lawns and memos, and questions of consequence like ‘why did Britney shave her head?’, and all other things we humans revolve our lives around.


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I need to be surrounded by sky and water, to listen to the leaves sing in the breeze, to watch the birds soar and the flowers bloom, to pray and listen, and get a good dose of the bigger picture beyond my ‘world revolves around me mentality’. Seriously I was deep in thought and all full of me, and I came round the bend of the boardwalk and saw a river otter not more than 10 feet away floating on his back like seals do, messing with something in his hands, something to eat no doubt. I had seen squirrels scurrying around looking for food, birds soaring and dipping into the water for a bite, and it all came together and hit me! All around me I was surrounded by living things that have an entirely different attitude about life than the one I currently saw myself having. They were in a place of trusting. Trusting there would be enough food, that there would be shelter from whatever next storm was coming, that they would be healthy enough to do the work they needed to get the food, trusting that all their needs would be met. Yet another awesome part of going for a hike and letting the wonder of creation settle into you, it opens the eyes of my heart and mind again so I can re-connect to the bigger picture of reality. It’s one of the things that brought me to Knoxville actually. The mountains, and water, and big sky, I know that’s Montana’s line, but Tennessee has a big sky to me.

I started that walk with a chip on my shoulder, dragging a few bags of the crap one accumulates when you buy into stinkin’ thinkin’; negativity, lies, and the like. You know things that hold you down, like sludge in a swamp. Things that make it hard to grow and rise and experience that restored abundant life we have all been called to. But, after 5 miles of walking and breathing, praying and listening, looking and hearing, I walked out of there a whole new girl. That chip fell right off, the bags were dumped out into that sparkling water and the furrow in my forehead was replaced with smiles and laughter. I know many people swear by their therapists, their prescription meds, chocolate, or shopping, and I’m not knocking any of them, well perhaps shopping therapy? J But, not only is taking a walk at Ijams free, it’s also good for your body, mind, and spirit. And your dog’s, or friend’s, or neighbor’s, or relative’s body, mind, and spirit, so you get 2 for the free price of one. Go check it out and see how many smiling people you walk past. I LOVE Ijams, it is the closest slice of heaven I know of around here, and the best therapy in town!
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Oscar Love

Welcome to the salubrious 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

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This week's The Monday After is dedicated to the grandaddy of all award shows, The Academy Awards. While you might hate meaningless awards, self-absorbed celebrities, and the pointless debate on fashion that goes hand-in-hand with coverage of The Oscars, we love this crap.

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Without further ado, we proudly present to you our Top Ten Moments of the 2007 Oscars.

10. Melissa Ethridge upsets Dreamgirls and conservatives with a win and a kiss. Backstage she says, "This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom."

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9. Bald Jack and Diane Keaton drunkenly hand out the Best Pic award. At least, they were walking and talking like a couple of boozers. To be fair, it could have just been coke.

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8. Gwyneth's wardrobe goodness.

7. Grammy-winning Beyonce, Oscar-winning Hudson, and Tony-winning Anika Noni Rose have a belt-to-the-death sing-off. Hudson wins.

6. Myspace gets a shout-out.

5. Tom Cruise shows up and everyone gets nervous. Plus, he gives an award to a gal at Paramount, the company that fired him.

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4. John C. Reilly saves a lukewarm musical number from its death. But couldn't they have rehearsed a bit more? Funny stuff about wanting to bonk Mirren, though.

3. Ellen calls Penelope a Mexican. Nothing promotes diversity like lumping all the Spanish-speaking folk into one group! But Ellen saves the snafu with a joke about Judi Dench's boobies.

2. Jennifer Hudson shows up wearing tin foil.

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And, drum-roll please...

The number one absolutely best thing about the 2007 Oscars: Renee Zellweger wasn't invited, thank God.


And now for our weekly rankings!




Ali Baba Time-Out Delicatessen


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For years now, Ali Baba Time-Out Delicatessen (8361 Kingston Pike) has been a staple of hungry late-night revelers and gourmands alike, due to its reliably tasty food and its virtual 'round-the-clock operating hours. The menu offers up delicious Middle Eastern classics like shish kebab, shwarma (marinated meat cooked on a flat grill, stuffed into a pita with onions and some other stuff), a huge portion of garlic-stuffed, roasted chicken with rice, and the classic Gyro sandwich. The service is friendly, but also quick-paced -- as busy as this gem of a place is, don't take it personally when you've given your order and the response is "Thankyounextplease!" It's just part of the charm of this more than 20 year-old West Knox establishment. If you haven't experienced Ali Baba Time-Out Delicatessen, then make it your mission to stop by soon, and don't forget to pick out a piece of the honeyed, heavenly bak lava for dessert. Dining there is an option, but you may want to call in your order as take-out to avoid standing in line, since the place is almost always packed with hungry folks. (5/5) -B.T.




Cocktails at the KMA


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Last month, the KMA kicked off this series of cocktail parties with a burlesque theme, which included a live performance by White Lightening Burlesque and vintage style pin-up girl photography by Tovah Greenwood. This month's cocktail theme was "addiction," and Tovah Greenwood was invited to show original photographs depicting this theme. A few hours before the event began, Ms. Greenwood was informed by KMA director, David Butler, that her photos were too explicit, even though the photos were staged and the "drugs" were props. Eventually, he allowed five out of the ten photographs to be shown.

Given his censorship of these photos, it's ironic that Mr. Butler seemed comfortable with the continuous loop of drug related music piped into the KMA's great hall. Bradley Reeves was also allowed to show his brilliant collection of addiction related archival films which began with cinematic humor (Cab Calloway, W.C. Fields, Woody Allen), followed by a vintage exploitation film about the dangers of marijuana and heroin use (which depicted dramatized drug use), local news coverage of drug busts, celebrities under the influence, and a very clever film showing a feline family coping with the cycle of addiction.

I don't understand why music glorifying drug use, and moving pictures of staged and real addiction were allowed, yet certain still photographs were banned. The KMA great hall is barren of art, and these photographs would have provided some thought-provoking art for patrons to ponder while waiting for the main event to begin. This censorship is very disturbing because it comes from our city's primary art museum. This same museum showed the very graphic and disturbing "Shoot the Family" photography collection, yet this Wednesday night, the KMA's director felt the need to protect us from five staged photographs depicting drug use. These cocktail parties deliberately have provocative themes as a means of attracting new and younger patrons to the museum. It should be expected that hosting an artsy "addiction" themed party is going to include some gritty realistic images. The archive film of an intoxicated and very belligerent George Jones was not funny. Censorship isn't funny either. (2/5) -D.D.





Yonder Mountain String Band at the Bijou


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This was my first experience with this band and my first experience with a nearly all hippie audience. This jubulant crowd provided its own show of communal dancing with wild abandon, bubble machines, bare breasts and flying glow sticks. This newgrass jam band of young musicians were very skilled pickers, but their lack of lyrical exuberance didn't leave me with an "oh yeah! oh yeah!" kind of feeling. Even though the band's leader warned fans to stop throwing things (glow sticks) on stage, I thought they were a bit arrogant to desert their rabidly loyal fans for 10 minutes after an over-enthusiastic hippie dancer jumped on stage. When Keb'Mo played at the Tennessee Theatre and was hit by a cup of ice, he kept on playing and even called for security to assist the cup thrower who was being pummeled by the crowd. Now that's class. (2/5) -D.D.





Cage the Elephant with Nug Jug at the Preservation Pub


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As if I don't go there enough, I managed to make my way to Preservation Pub once again this weekend to catch Bowling Green, Kentucky-based Cage the Elephant opening up for local favorites Nug Jug. Cage the Elephant provided an opening set of pure rock 'n roll, something I've been starved for recently. They even led the rocker lifestyle by often times coming off stage while playing guitar solos or singing. Nug Jug rocked hard as well, playing a long set of originals topped off with a raw rendition of a couple songs from The Who's "Tommy," and a number of encores. The crowd was not pleased to see them go. (4/5) -G.W.





Sanda Allyson at Cha Cha


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Last week, I happened upon one of the most enchanting vocalists I've heard in Knoxville - or anywhere, come to think of it. Sanda Allyson, who is new to the area, appears regularly at Cha Cha. Her clear and lyrical voice reminds me of Eva Cassidy, while her phrasing is reminiscent of Chaka Khan's jazz work. She's got a very mature sound and evidently has a lot of experience. I'm sure it won't be long 'til Sanda Allyson is playing at all the jazz clubs in town - well, all two of them. Anyway, go hear her. You'll be happy you did. (4/5) -S.S.







See you next week!

I-75, exit 141

Banal Golgotha

I drove up to Adult World, a large and tacky sex shop out in the middle of nowhere. (Why? Well, I was comparing prices for a pair of handcuffs. You asked.)

Adult World itself was very underwhelming, but the scenery was something else entirely. Next door, someone had erected a vast cross out of sheet metal. It made quite a contrast with the sex shop. I wish I had a wide enough lens to capture the full view.

Private parts

tri

It's almost March -- the crocuses are blooming and the sap is rising.

Damn, I need a date.

February 23, 2007

Two can play at that game

Medication

Hey, Tahlulah -- you have to try the tostados with ceviche de camarones at Senor Taco. It's freaking good! ;)

The Roundup, 2/22

Think you know local music? Listen to The Roundup each week and test your local music aptitude. Congrats to Fisher N. for correctly identifying last week's song. This week's winner could be you, if you don't totally suck.

This week's edition: Britney Spears, Cheetos, Le Parigo, Cookies, Robinella, Sexual Deviants, Taylor Swift, and More!

Listen to the latest here.

Subscribe to our weekly podcast here.

February 22, 2007

My idea of a perfect day

Location: All over town

Drink of Choice: Margarita

Event: My Perfect Day

Friends: E

My perfect day would always fall on a Saturday. On Saturday's I wake up around eleven o'clock and leisurely proceed with the dolling up necessary for every modern woman. I would follow up my relaxing morning with some shopping, and by noon, I could be found perusing those local stores unique to good ole' Ktown.

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E would go with me, of course, on this perfect day because we are always together. My first stop would be Donnamite, located in the Gallery Shopping Center near West Town. That's the same shopping center that houses both Silver Spoon and Chili's for those of you not familiar with the local shopping scene. Every item in Donnamite is handpicked by the owner herself, Donna.

Donnamite even features clothing from local designers like J Law, who's clothing line can be likened to Diesel. But, the jewelry, shoes, and bags are by far my absolute favorite items in the store. They always have great sales too, so if you've never been to Donnamite, you must go!!! I should be getting paid to write such good things about the place, but alas, I do it out of the goodness of my heart (my love for the shoes).

The second stop on my perfect day would most definitely be Serendippity. It is located in the shopping center on Kingston Pike behind Bistro by the Tracks. As a word of warning, this is not a store to enter if you are anything close to claustrophobic. It is a tiny store, but it's packed with a whole lot of style. They have jewelry, lots of clothes, endless accessories and pictures of celebrities, cut out of magazines, all over the store! The pictures are a fun way to show that Serendippity has the same trendy clothing styles that the celebs are currently wearing.

If you can manage to push your way through all of the merchandise and make it to the back of the store, you will be rewarded. Only the chosen ones find the $10 clearance "room," which is really more like a closet. The last time I went, I purchased five pairs of earrings, a pair of shoes, a jacket, two shirts, and a dress.

Their jewelry is one-of-a-kind, in many cases, because they make it themselves! They will even customize jewelry to match whatever you happen to buy that day! I like Serendippity because the atmosphere is great, the music is contemporary and the employees are a fun group of college age girls. It's a customer friendly store and it makes for a lot of good all around girl fun.

OK, it's time for lunch now. My pick for lunch is Patrick Sullivan's in the Old City. The place is hardly ever packed for lunch, but the food is always great. I think it is primarily known as a good dinner place, but lunch or dinner aside, it always makes for a good hang out spot. I recommend the Shepherd's Pie, which if I were in charge of the menu would be described as, "all kinds of "good stuff" stashed in mashed potatoes". I would imagine that most of the Knox520 readers have been to Patrick Sullivan's at night, but I doubt you have visited for lunch. You should try it! The next stop is going to be for a facial at Salon Azure next to Serendippity's. There might be something more relaxing than a facial but I sure can't think of what it would be. I would ask for Whitney and enjoy best spent hour of my perfect day with the best spent sixty-five dollars of my life.

After that delicious experience I would make my final shopping stop either the Planet Exchange or Plato's Closet to sell off some of my old clothes and accessories and make room for the new ones that I bought at Donnamite and Serendippity. Itís a lot easier than you think, trust me. Bring in your old stuff that you don't wear anymore, fill out a tiny form and browse through the store while they go through your stuff. When they call your name, collect your cash and the clothes and accessories that they didn't want. Heck, for clothes you don't wear anymore and don't plan on keeping around, it definitely canít hurt to have that extra cash instead.

I think the next to last stop would have to be for a movie at the Pinnacle Theaters out at Turkey Creek. "Because I Said So." was the last movie I saw at the Pinnacle and it was excellent. Not that I am saying the movie has anything to do with the quality of the theater. But, if you've been there you know that it has those comfy seats and it's so huge that it makes the other theaters look like a shoebox (and some of the "other's" have a stench that is beyond rank...like stank shoes or something... which is aptly fitting).

The last stop is for a late dinner. Since E and I love the margaritas at the Downtown Grill and Brewery, that pretty much solidifies the decision every time. It's not a perfect day without a margarita. On the weekends, you can park in the parking garage behind the Downtown for free. I love sitting upstairs and being served by my favorite waiter Chip. If you get there before 8pm drinks are $2 and that translates into a lot of margaritas! First, I would get a margarita on the rocks, with sugar instead of salt. When I was ready for the second one, it would be time to order an appetizer, always battered and fried mushrooms followed by another margarita. The entrÈe that I would get and recommend are the steak fajitas, quite delicious! There's no room for dessert but there is room for just one more margarita.

And thatís it! There you have it Knoxville 520 readers, that pretty much sums up my perfect day: Donnamite, Serendippity, Patrick Sullivans, Salon Azure, the Pinnacle, and the Downtown Grill and Brewery. If you have never been to these places, I would strongly recommend getting a checkup on your mental health!

Have a great week! Thanks for tuning in.

XOXO~
Dancing Queen

Whatta voice

the force of her

Last night, your humble correspondent ended up at Sapphire to give a listen to Sara Schwabe (illustrious webmistress of Knoxville 520) and Her Yankee Jass Band. I thoroughly enjoyed myself (drinking a bit more than is my custom these days in the process).

Sara has a lovely voice (best described as "sultry") and the two musicians backing her are quite talented (as well as funny). She did a hell of a job on "Cabaret". Some impromptu dancing by members of the Knoxville Swing Dance Association added to the fun.

The only negative aspect of the evening involves the men's restroom at Sapphire. The automated soap dispenser doesn't squirt soap on your hands -- it, um, ejaculates. Really. The whole tube-thingie thrusts forward in a rather, um, organic manner when activated. I'm going to need therapy now.

(editor's note: said webmistress did not solicit mention in Thirteen's blog, but appreciates it nonetheless.)

Guess

Guess . . .

13letters.castpost.com/17338.html

What song is this? ;)

My version is a bit gentler than the original. That's the only clue you get.

Mellow cavorting

"'If calamari rings were made from the squid they would be the size of tractor tires', he added."


Salutations, People of 520, I am Strapping Young Lad, I Come in Peace,

You ever get the feeling you are looking at a sign? Maybe you are standing witness to something that your gut is just adamantly certain is a grand omen. The oracles of the universe are smacking you on the face, but you still can't seem to see what the big meaning might be. These are the heebies jeebies that boogie woogie up my spine when I read stories involving hugungous cephalopods. It seems weird to me that a creature that is usually right at home six thousand feet below, usually very happy being an elusive creature of the deep, makes a trip up to the world of us meddlesome monkeys. It seems darn right eerie that stuff like this is happening more and more often and feels strangely connected to those inconveniently truthful photos of polar bears stranded on ice cubes round the North Pole. I just gotta feel a little bad for that colossal squid, though. Dude decided to venture up to strange waters, I guess to finally try the Chilean sea bass, and the ends up yanked out of the water, frozen, and shipped off to a place called Te Papa. Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed when you’re a 900 pound invertebrate. Anyhow, the whole incident has got me feeling that some cosmic funkiness is afoot. That and we are gonna need one big ass bucket of marinara.

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Last night, the cosmically funkiest thing kicking was the film footage of William Tiberius Shatner reciting the lyrics to Elton John’s “Rocket Man”. I had seen this footage before, but it never ceases to confound at every viewing. This and many other video oddities were presented last night at Cocktails at the KMA: Addicted. On exhibit as well was half of local photographer Tovah Greenwood’s very well done series of photos, also themed on addiction. Apparently the other half of the exhibition they couldn’t show conjures up naughty thoughts and would have melted my cherubic like innocence I have been fighting tooth and nail to maintain all these years. I hear the series in its entirety will be on display somewhere soon. All in all, it was decent event. Personally, though, I would have liked to have seen more ‘art’ in the hall with all the drinks and people. I like schmoozing and I like art-ing, and history has shown that the two go together like smelly cheese and water crackers. More facilitation of the schmooze to art ratio would be welcome. Regardless, I would recommend catching the next one of these events. It was a great way to kick off a meandering night of mellow cavorting downtown.

This is exactly what my lovely companion and I did last night. It was a quick scoot from the KMA to downtown on a fairly easy going Wednesday evening. Had a few drinks at Pres Pub, listened to Big Bad Jukebox play “Kid Charlemagne”, cruised around in the freakishly pleasant weather and ended up at a fairly decently crowded Cabaret Night at Sapphire. It was a darn fine evening, I tell ya.

Oh, and if you are looking for a hot investment tip, there was a gentleman hanging around downtown last night selling 40 dollar winning lottery scratchers for only twenty bucks. All the signs say this is a winner, how can you lose?

TONIGHT’S PICKS: Normally I wouldn’t recommend the same act twice in one week, but Matt Urmy is playing a goodbye Knoxville/movin to Nashville show with his band of cohorts tonight at Barley’s. If nothing else you should go to check out the relatively new to the scene Hudson K open up the show.

Keep your eyes on the signs, fair readers, and until next time,

This is Straps, signing off.

Bienvenidos 520 lectores

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Is this thing still on…? Did I make it to round two? If you’re reading this I guess I did? Imagine that, with all the competition? Wow, thank you everyone for your vote, it’s an honor to share a bit of my life in Knoxville with you. As a token of my deep appreciation I’ll be sharing some of my all time favorite places here in K-town. This one is especially hard though, because I love it so. And I can pretty much guarantee that when you check it out for yourself, you too will love it, and tell your friends and they will love it, and tell their friends... And you know how it goes. Before long I’ll have to wait in line to get in.

So there is a spot right here in Knoxville that has tacos and a salsa bar that rivals those found in Tijuana. Not exactly the same mind you, for those of you reading who have had the pleasure of a taco stand in Tijuana; you won’t be outside, and you won’t hear honking horns, Spanish propaganda over the megaphone, and get the old school bottles of coke straight from the cooler, nor smell all the smells, but the food is oh so close. However, rather than be selfish and keep the goodness to myself, I will divulge all that is fabuloso about Senor Taco, because you, my fine 520 readers, need to go and experience a bit of Tijuana right here. And because I consider those that work there friends and I would love to see them prosper and grow. Senor Taco has everything going for it, great authentic food, fabulous atmosphere, prime location, and the price is perfecta!

They have nightly food specials, (lunch specials too, although I’ve not yet had the pleasure of lunch there). My favorite food special night is Friday. Fajita Quesadillas and you choose the meat. This isn’t Taco Bell with beef or chicken only. They have lengua (tongue) carne asada (broiled steak – and yes you can and should say it like the lion in the Taco Bell commercial, who is actually Ricardo Montalbán), adobado, (marinated steak), chorizo (Mexican sausage), carnitas (pork tips)and my personal favorite, pescado, (fish). They are plenty big and only $4.99, you can’t beat it.

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When you first arrive you will be given a basket of chips and if you don’t know the drill you will sit there thinking they forgot to bring the salsa. They didn’t, it’s up to you to go get it, and what a selection they have! There is straight up mild all the way to burning hot chili oil, with everything in between. My favorite is the creamy green one, which has avocado in it, I think? It’s my heroin at Senor Taco. My heroin at Barley’s is the creamy feta dressing, by the by, (not that it relates in anyway - apologies English teachers - but it is how my brain works and I’m writing on the fly, so I’ll leave it in). The salsa bar also has cactus and marinated carrots just like you get them in Mexico. As you munch on chips and salsa and sip on your beverage of choice, I do recommend getting a tall glass of water however, regardless of what you’re drinking, well, unless you are already drinking water? See, in Mexico you wouldn’t have a big glass of water so it feels crazy to eat food so much like the food in Tijuana while drinking a glass of water at the same time, and because we all need to drink more, I mean who really gets 8 glasses a day? And take a breath, I could compete with Ernest Hemingway’s ‘Old Man and the Sea’ for longest run on sentence with that one! As I was saying as you munch on chips check out their menu, it’s unique and unlike most Mexican menus. They have the usualls for sure but they specialize in seafood so they have all kinds of awesome dishes with red snapper and tilapia, plus funky stuff that you have to be hard core to eat like octopus, and squid, and you know all those ‘weird’ things.

I have sampled many of their dishes and haven’t found any that I don’t like, but as dull as it is to say, I usually get the same thing, because I miss Mexcio. I get the tacos, again you choose the meat, and they are $1.75 each! Two is usually good after chips and salsa, three if I just came back from the best class at the YMCA, Butts and Gutts. Because we all know when you go work out it makes you hungry so you eat more, so you need to work out, it’s a vicious cycle that I adore. The pescado is particularly special to me because Senor Taco is one of the few places in town you can get them. I hear that LaCosta has them as well? You choose corn and flour tortillas, and you go to the salsa bar for limes, salsa, cilantro and all the fixin’s you want.

They also have nightly drink specials and Monday nights are the night to go for the best margarita special in town. 2 for 1 and that’s at $4.50 I think? Now, beyond them having good margaritas the primary reason this is the night to go, is because their 2 for 1 deal comes in glasses that are just the right size. They do have margaritas in the medieval goblet/ bucket size for those of you that want to regret it in the morning, but that’s not what you’ll get with the special. They are modest sized portions that go beautifully with a relaxed meal and good times with friends. Best of all, come Tuesday morning you will be raring to go, because you didn’t drink too much. They have beer specials as well, so don’t think you have to drink margaritas.

The other highlight of Senor Taco is the birthday celebrations. It is one of the hot spots to celebrate a new year of life, which you will notice by the number of large parties that are often there. And the frequency you hear “Happy Birthday’ sung while Asael is beating a pot and Miguel comes bearing a huge sombrero and a poncho. After they sing to you, (usually the rest of the restaurant will also join in), get ready for Miguel to feed you some of the most delicioso desert which they have prepared for you. Now for those of you that are observing this, get your cameras ready because after Miguel feeds your friend a bite or two he will put it all over their face! This is the best photo opp. of the evening, trust me!

There’s more, much more to Senor Taco, of course, but I’ll leave some for y’all to discover yourselves. Be sure to tell them I sent you, and I’ll see you there!

Lox rocks!

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Downtown Knoxville, you’ve come a long way, baby. For too long you’ve been the
awkward middle child of East Tennessee, locked in a tug-of-war sibling rivalry
between Chattanooga and Nashville. So what do you do when you’re not daddy’s
little republican or an elitist, hit-churning, business mogul? With fists in
the air, you claim your individuality, dye your hair purple, shop at Amvets,
vote for Kerry, and rebel your little heart out! There’s no doubt that
downtown Knoxville has become quite the little artists’ haven and developed
its own sense of style, so in the midst of this pseudo-bohemian-rock
star-artist revolution, it's no surprise that we find Lox Salon fueling the
scene.

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The small, independent salon has only been open since September of 2006, but Lox has already established itself as the epitome of the trendy downtown artists’ scene. From the moment you push past the heavy wooden door lined with random assortments of Christmas lights, you know that Lox isn’t just a typical salon. “The people are awesome, the music is great, and it’s got a fun atmosphere,” says Jamie Wilson, a frequent client of Lox Salon. “It’s pretty much the closest thing to getting your hair done at a club.” With shear brilliance, Lox stays on the cutting edge of the city’s eclectic trends (excuse the puns). Lox understands that being a salon isn’t all about a client’s hair; it’s about creating a lifestyle. Local artwork created by a featured artist of the month lines the distressed, exposed brick walls, while boutique-style clothing produced by local fashion designers is displayed at the front of the salon. The artwork and apparel stimulates the appeal of the salon's local and intimate character. The designers and artists, “all have individual style. They make the clothes to fit the salon and downtown. They also make the clothes to fit their own personal style, which tends to be unique and individual. Downtown seems to be more open to wearing more unique styles,” says Krista Segars, one of the two founding stylists of Lox. “People who buy the clothing here are into vintage, one-of-a-kind things. People are always looking for that one-of-a-kind, unique look. We try to give that to them with the clothing and the hairstyles.”

You may be able to find the latest fashions at the mall, but style is
something that cannot be bought. Style is about trying to pull off whatever it
is you’re putting on. The stylists and designers at Lox have a talent for
transforming fashion into wearable art. Brynn, the adorable, spunky owner of
Lox Salon, has her finger directly on the pulse of the downtown scene, not only
with her flair for hair, but also with her hip and quirky slip skirts. These
chic and affordable skirts are going to be perfect for spring, or you could
wear them now with a pair of opaque tights and boots. With vintage style
dresses and t-shirts that protest war, you can guarantee that wearing
Defenderprints apparel will make a statement. If you’re more of a
sweetheart, then you will love the handstitched heart patches and buttons on
Keri Deloge’s skirts and shirts.

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Wearable art definitely does not stop with apparel. Lox carries an assortment of handbags, scarves, headbands, and even postcards screen printed by the most badass place in town, Yee Haw. Brigid has taken recycling to a much more creative level with an interesting collection of handbags made with anything from neckties and canvas, to rubber tubes and tires. Twig and Sandi Toland have both created scarves that are perfect for keeping warm and staying cool. If you want to spunk up your new punk ‘do, then a headband by Dot Iris Headware would be the perfect accessory.

Aside from the unique boutique-styles displayed at Lox, I couldn’t help but notice each of the stylist's personal fashion sense, and how each gives her own distinctive edge to the Lox atmosphere. Ashley (Dinosaur) Jones, the precious, tattooed receptionist, is the first of the lovely Lox ladies you notice after entering the salon. Truly a Southern girl, her adorable drawl and childlike banter could coax anyone into making an appointment. Along with her cool Southern charm, this girly girl knows what’s hot. Ashley rocks a lot of dresses, skirts, and frilly T’s that always compliment her stunning tattoos and ever-changing haircolor. Brynn Phillips obviously has a style that’s all her own. Portrayed throughout Lox’s decorating, Brynn has an almost 1960’s vibe, much like that of Twiggy. She is quite the little hippie-rock star, pulling off anything from vintage printed dresses with a thick belt, tights, and boots, to sweaters and flowy skirts, leg warmers, and flats. She’s also one of the only women I’ve seen that can pull off a faux-hawk. Laura Mullaney has been working at Lox since December, and she describes her personal style as “Eclectic. It’s a mixture of sexy, body-conscious clothing, and Southern-inspired rock-and-roll style.” Krista Segars, on the other hand is straight-up punk rock. You can't miss Krista’s spunky blonde hair and stunning smile. Her vibrant personality makes her black and white wardrobe pop with color. “I’m really into the local rock scene here in Knoxville, so I have more of a rock edge, I guess you could say. I’m always kind of punky with my Chucks (Taylors) and studs,” she says.

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With such an eclectic group of gals, I found myself wondering what types of clients tend to frequent Lox? Krista replied, “Most of my clients are from local bands. It’s really the place to come for bands who want to fit the image. We have a rock wall for bands to sign. I’ve had clients from Luna Halo, Copper, Down From Up, and Broken Social Scene. We even get clients from more well known bands and their roadies. We’ve had guys in here from Nickelback, and Ben Harper, which is pretty cool.

“Our main goal is to make sure that clients are satisfied. We want to do great hair and help the client to be more open-minded,” she continues. “We’re on the cutting edge of fashion and trends. We want to be hip and trendy, yet affordable. Because our clients are younger we try to keep it affordable. Because we are such a small salon, we tend to be friends with our clients also, and so there’s a level of comfort and intimacy that you definitely wouldn’t find at other salons around town.”

With fun and funky stylists, who wouldn’t want to get their hair done at Lox? Oh wait, we are still in Tennessee. Lest we forget how conservative the South can be; but fret not! Krista explains, “We were established at first to be a punk rock salon, but we don’t necessarily like that label because we want everyone to feel welcome here. As stylists, we try to inspire those around us. As a salon, we’re pretty trendy, but we all have our own individual styles. We strive to be an inspiration to our clients in that sense also. We don’t just change people’s hair; we modify their style and make it individual to them.”

Rock on, Lox.

200-proof rock mixes with downhome bluegrass

Nearly every month, college radio station WUTK's dynamic Friday night "Funhouse" hosts Derek and Rob bring a live music line-up to the stage at Barley's Taproom. In 2006, we saw pairings of bands like Flesh Vehicle with The Shazam, Plan A with Cornbred Blues Band, and The Lost Brakemen with Nug Jug. The fact of the matter is, regardless of what kind of music you like, there's always great live music to be found at one of these shows. This year proves no different, as this Friday those "Funhouse" fellas bring you the smooth acoustic stylings of Brendon James Wright, and the driving Southern rock sounds of Athens, Georgia band Southern Bitch.

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My first introduction to Brendon James Wright came by accident. In a fit of "I know I want to do something tonight, but I have no idea what," I met some of my friends at West Knox sports bar, Blue Chips. Typically I'm there for their Monday nights with acoustic duo, Absolute Wood, and the 10-cent wing specials. But this was a Saturday night, and after a long work week, I was ready to relax. A couple of my friends had already told me about this amazing singer/songwriter, but seeing Brendon James Wright performing live made clear why he's got such a loyal fanbase. Not at all new to the Knoxville scene, he's been playing shows regularly in town for over three years, including his own slot on treasured lunchday radio show, WDVX's Blue Plate Special. Mixing together bluegrass, rock, country, and a little pop, he presents touching songs with seemingly effortless melodies. His down-to-earth personality shines through in his singing and guitar playing, and after awhile you get the feeling he's singing to you, rather than at you, and it's comforting to hear fresh material with influences ranging from Bob Dylan to Darrell Scott, from Van Morrison to the V-Roys.


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Southern Bitch stands up to their reputation as a foursome of solid Southern rockers. With no fewer than four albums under their belt, their self-described "mountain rock" has found a big following in fans of classic rock - think Lynrd Skynrd, Crazy Horse, and The Rolling Stones. Their members - Adam Musick (lead vox/guitars), Wendy Musick (guitars/vox), Chuck Bradburn (bass), and Taylor Sproull (drums) - have a synergy that's not easily forged; however, their dedication to what they do and to doing it well comes through in their sound. Southern Bitch's most recent recording, 2006's "Strong Medicine," is the latest collection of their down-home, mud-stomping, 'shine-slugging sonic offerings. At first listen, it's got a familiar sound, but not reminiscent of anything specifically. Then you realize how they've come so far and done so much - their music is genuine, keeping close to their influences and roots, but doing it in their own style. Athens, Georgia is well-known as the home of pop idols R.E.M., and while you may think that no one could really be farther from R.E.M. than a Southern rock band, think again - the driving force behind their success is their originality and their unique sound, the side of the coin where you'll also find Southern Bitch.

Sure, not everyone can be pleased all of the time. Now, however, is the time to treat yourself to a night out at a venue buzzing with cool folks, great beer, and fantastic music. Get thee to Barley's Taproom this Friday, and line 'em up. You're in for one hell of a good night.

Where: Barley's Taproom & Pizzeria
When: Friday, February 23
Time: 10:00 p.m.

Saturday night special

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Stacy Mitchhart & Blues U Can Use at KMA Saturday, February 24, 8:00 pm


Stacy Mitchhart, “The Blues Doctor”, is returning to Knoxville with his fabulous 7-piece band, Saturday, February 24, for a smoke-free show at Knoxville Museum of Art. The show begins at 8:00 pm.

Based out in Nashville, Mitchhart and his band created quite a stir on Market Square last June, headlining the first annual Hard Knox Blues Bash, and they’ve rocked the house at KMA before when they performed for the “Alive into 2006!” New Year’s Eve party.

Winner of the Albert King Most Promising Guitarist Award at the 2003 International Blues Challenge in Memphis, Stacy Mitchhart has a smooth and sultry, provocative delivery, reminiscent of legendary R & B performers. A consummate showman, always dressed to the nines, he has captivated audiences worldwide with his teasing smile, quick wit, and a taste of blue humor to go along with his masterful guitar work and strong vocals.

This will be a show where you can let your hair down and have a good time. Dress is casual to as spiffy as you wanna be. There will be two cash bars, free popcorn, and F.A.T.S. BBQ will have some other tasty treats for sale. Tickets for reserve seats at tables are $20/$16 for non-members, and $18/$14 for museum members and students with ID. General admission is $11 for non-members and $9 for museum members and students with ID. For reserve tickets and information, call 865-525-6101 ext. 229. Tickets will also be available at the door at 7:30 pm.

The Stacy Mitchhart Saturday Night Special Show is sponsored by Knoxville520.com, Mike Scourby-RE/MAX Properties, East Tennessee Public Television, WUOT-91.9FM, MetroPulse and Cherokee Distributing Company.

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Stacy Mitchhart (and a close fan) at the Hard Knox Blues Bash, Market Square


(local photos by Ray Brown)

February 21, 2007

Get your Lent on!

“I’m going straight down to the Quarter, pour beer on myself and try to get on COPS, wearin chili pepper boxers and my Ray Charles shades” – from Fat Tuesday by Greg Horne.

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Well hello there, my gracious 520-ites,

Isn’t it exciting? We’re only a few hours of editing away from the anticipated release of Girls Gone Wild Part 52, Ta-Tas of Mardi Gras 07!!! We can finally catch up with all the recent escapades of our favorite millionaire date rapist. The last one left so many unanswered questions.

Jackass perverts aside, I hope everybody enjoyed their Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday, Pancake Day, Shrove Tuesday, or Carnival in an appropriate method: wandering in circles for miles while drinking yards of brightly colored libations, flashing flesh for plastic trinkets, getting pick-pocketed, relieving yourself in random street corners, throwing up king cake and muffaletta on a close friend. If you didn’t get to in reality, hopefully you did at least in spirit.

I hope you extracted all your ya-yas, cuz its time to kick it Lent style. It’s the perfect season to make all those personal improvements you’ve been slackin on since New Years. 40 days and nights to finally get rid of some of those nasty habits like smoking, drinking, swearing, eating oleo straight out the tub, puppy kicking, what have you. You can do it! If Reverend Ted Haggard can kick his nasty habit of snorting meth off of a rent-a-studs backside in only twenty one days, think what you can do with twice that much time!

Me? I’m gonna take one for the team by not participating in Lent this year (or next year, or ever) so that all you boozeless/meatless people can get your good times vicariously through me. All you have to do is find me out and about and ask me how much fun I’m having. Then you can watch me eat a burger, tilt back a glass of bitter, and I will tell you how friggin great I feel. It’s one of the many altruistic services I provide to the needing public.

Ok, I’ve got to put on my serious pants for a moment:

As of today, Knoxville is losing a couple of its best inspired creators, for the time being anyhow. Local musician, sound sculptor, artist, producer and engineer, Andre Hayter, and his wife, the gifted dancer, choreographer, performance artist and student of the healing arts, Angela Hill, probably right now enroute to their new home in Sydney, Australia.

Angela has danced just about everywhere a person can dance in this town. She taught dance and choreographed pieces for several studios around Knoxville, including UT, Go Contemporary Dance Works, and Circle Modern Dance, which she was a core member of for many years. She is a totally gifted mover and a bit of a poet as well. She is well known for her spoken word and dance solos she has performed over the years, often at Modern Dance Primitive Light, the annual holiday time performance of Circle Modern. To me she is always heavy in thought but light on the feet.

Like any good bass player, Andre was mostly heard and not seen around this town. His name may not ring a bell, but there is a good chance if you have been out and about in this town in the last decade or so, you have heard or seen his work. He has played in the scene with many bands, including Difficult Children, the Jodie Manross Band, Hummus, Mikel Grubb Band, and most recently, the short lived Teleskope. He is also a gifted engineer and producer that has worked on numerous local albums and demos. He, along with local Matt Roberts, created the interactive sculpture that surrounds the entrance to the KMA’s hands on children’s gallery. He also helped design one of the best backyard slip n’ slides the Bearden area of Knoxville has ever seen.

The most exciting thing these two incredible souls have done in the last few years was to combine their powers WonderTwin style in the form of Ahsquared Productions. With Dre’s musical mad science and Angela’s gifts of movement, the two produce pieces where the lines between musician and dancer gets blurred through the use of motion sensors, computers, and other technological hoo doo. I have been assured that Ahsquared will continue to blossom in the land down under. We back on this side of the world can keep up with all their beautiful exploits at www.ahsquared.com, when they get around to updating the site. (They have been a little busy as of late, packing up everything they own and shipping it as far as one can possibly ship something). If a butterfly can flutter in Tunisia and cause a storm in Miami, you can bet good money that the storm that comes off of these two’s wings will be mind boggling. So, to Angela and Andre, I say on behalf of Knoxville, we love and miss you already, safe journeys.

Tonight’s Picks: Yonder Mountain String Band is the big ticket pick for this evening. Then go have a glass at Sapphire and do some crooning of your own, Cabaret style. I have also heard rumor that Ben Maney and the Countless Sheep will be performing tonight at the Grotto, but I can neither confirm or deny that at this time.

G’day Til the Next Soiree,

Strapping Young Lad

"Duel" purpose

One advantage of being both a swordsman and a photographer is that I have interesting props to use during a photoshoot.

Summer, with blade

Personally, I prefer how my blade and gorget (it's throat armor, not bondage gear!) look on my friend Summer.

Summer, gorget detail

Kick ass in the name of love

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Knoxville, you now know what it feels like to be my girlfriend. I promise you something, and the delivery is just a touch late. Not so much that the pizza is cold, but the pepperonis aren’t exactly melting the cheese anymore. I apologize. Hopefully you have some patience so that our relationship can continue striding forward, marching through, skipping hand in hand we can make it. Let’s go Knoxville, let’s pull off a “Notebook” wrapped with “Love Actually” and dabbed into a bit of “Fight Club” type of relationship. I just said let’s kick some ass in the name of love. I’m ready to answer the Beatles who said “You say you want a Revolution/well ya know we’d all want to change the world/You say you’ve got a real solution/well ya know… we’d all love to see the plan."

For me to say I have always been an environmentalist would be like saying I have always been a blogger (Although thanks to a genius, I became part of a blog this summer. I have been aware of what was going on, I just haven’t been actively doing something about it, until now.

It’s difficult to define environmental concerns. You have local concerns (polluted streams, litter on the side of the road, hazardous waste, erosion, smog), you have global concerns (clean air, clean drinking water, wildlife concerns, global warming – 97% of climatologists agree global
warming are caused by human activities, unlike politicians, it is their job to research the issue)
and you have national concerns (mostly economic, energy supply, energy cost). And someone how they all mesh into this umbrella called environmental concerns that we can either hug (pun intended) - or we can say, “I only care about umbrellas (environmental concerns) when it rains (affects me).

Taking a quick look at history we can see how primary energy supplies have evolved from wood to coal to oil. We moved from wood because we burned all of western Europe’s forests (those rolling Irish hills weren’t always green…), we moved from coal because of air quality issues, and
oil is running out (not to mention wars?). I would now like to officially remove oil from our discussion, since it is mainly for automobiles (impacts global warming), although actions of oil companies are crucial to follow and we will return to this later (i.e. BP, Shell). But I want to talk about electricity production. The question is what is next? That answer is our solution. Our generation gets to stand the shoulders of decades of environmentalists and be labeled “the Green generation.” We get to answer the Beatles.

Let me first discuss the problems with using coal as a main energy supply. While, TVA has led the Southeast in cleaning up coal plants by installing scrubbers to reduce S0x and N0x (billions of dollars by the way), there is no way to completely clean up coal plants. There is a myth of clean coal. There is no such thing as clean coal. Asthma, lung disease, acid rain, global warming, mercury poisoning, are just the tip of the iceberg. I want to say – there is nothing sustainable about burning material that took millions of years to create. It is disrupting a natural ecological cycle, and it is in this disruption we see long-term consequences. There is also a tiny problem with mountain top removal. I could write an entire blog about this, but I think this video is suffice.

So who cares? Why should I care? It isn’t my mountains. What about your air quality, while it has improved, the years of coal deposition has taken time to build up, giving our area higher cancer rates, and asthma rates, than we had 30 years ago. It is kind of like how it has
taken our climate a while to adjust to the outpouring of C02. Just real quickly… global warming is more than just “oh, so I get to wear short sleeves longer in the year.”

Fact – sea levels are rising. If they rise as much as many scientists expect them too (once again, they do this for a living, not just reading it for some committee) then we are looking at upwards of 1 billion people being displaced from coastal regions. You think population growth has been unprecedented in the past? Try adding 1 billion people to a smaller land mass, see how high property values go then, see how high food prices go up, say good bye to that big back yard. It affects everyone. Then we have more people occupying more land, how do we produce
more food? Do we keep adding fertilizer, etc., burning up the soils? Well… the soils may already be getting “burned up.” Fact - Heat drives our weather cycle. We may have more
rain, more intense storms, because of the increased uplift of air, however, it will also dry up
faster because of the increased temperatures. Processes become accelerated. Let’s include THAT in the economic analysis. I once heard a representative from the Bush administration say, “Agriculture is only 20% of the economy.” Ladies and gentleman, if you believe measuring the importance of food supply by dollar amount is the way to do it, you’re an idiot. The best indicator of where our economy is going is agriculture. We first, and foremost, need food. Imagine if the price of food skyrocketed, do you not think the price of everything else would increase? Everyone suffers.

Anyways, so yes, we need to move away from fossil fuels. I hope I was preaching to the choir on that.

Now let’s take a deep breath of fresh air (pun absolutely intended) and let’s talk about renewable
energies – defined as wind , solar , geothermal, wave , and tidal . The single greatest attribute for renewable technologies is that they do not disrupt the natural balance of the ecosystem - they embrace it. (In other words, the sun shines everyday, the wind blows everyday, waves crash, and the earth stays warm... coal, oil, and natural gas don’t EXACTLY do that… maybe only a couple million years off). We
can rest assure these technologies are not creating some horrible ecosystem imbalance.

Now, the second thing that is important to realize is that each technology is not available everywhere. For instance, in Tennessee we would probably not use geothermal, wave, or
tidal power. I don’t think we have active volcanoes in Tennessee, and I haven’t found a beach – but let me know if you find one, I do have a surfboard in my room (its true). This leaves wind and solar energy.

But you have to make sure you still have an adequate regime for the technology. The wind doesn’t blow enough in Knoxville for current technology to support a wind turbine, but the sun shines enough (90% of Tennessee can use solar energy very effectively, the other 10% would be perfect for wind energy). Renewable energy is about meshing with your environment, and generating electricity needs through sustainable practice. I would also like to point out that each of these technologies have free fuel, meaning that you don’t have to pay (or the government doesn’t have to subsidize) the cost of fuel and the disposal of waste.

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World wide, solar and wind are the fasted of the two growing technologies. Solar technologies are often located on individual rooftops of businesses, schools, and homes while wind turbines are often created into utility-scale projects, but can also be applied to businesses, schools, and homes. Solar has been widely accepted by the public, so much, that demand outstripped supply last year. It is almost unprecedented that any business is set up so that supply outstrips demand. In Tennessee there are many incentives for homeowners, and especially businesses, to put solar PV panels on rooftops making them very affordable. Plus think of it this way, you add certain things to your home, like a paved driveway for instance. Now, I’m sure that driveway pays for itself over a lifetime… Even so, a renewable energy system reduces the amount of energy your home produces, or your home runs without using electricity, it literally saves you money over its entire lives (have I mentioned the original PV panels on the NASA spaceships still produce electricity, that is ancient technology working 40 years later!). Oh yeah, and if you were buying a house, isn’t energy use one of the things you look at… (equity…)

Wind technologies are a little more prone to skepticism. They have had their growing pains, but like any other energy supply, they have learned how to overcome these issues. With utility-scale wind technologies they must be sited where there are no endangered speicies, no migratory bird paths, and in high wind regimes (in Tennessee, along the ridges of the Cumberland Plateau and Appalachian Mountains.) These issues are all studied before any wind turbine project goes up. The bird lesson was learned in Altamont Pass, CA. Modern wind farms kill less birds per wind turbine than an average house cat, and certainly less than a cell phone tower . Wind turbines operate around 33% efficiency (i.e., the wind blows at the rated speed that percent of the time) and this is the same percent as Nuclear Power, and just about 20% below coal plants. A new study just came out showing that we could put wind turbines off of the Mid-Atlantic coastthat could provide power to cities such
as NYC, Washington D.C., Miami, Boston, Baltimore, Atlantic City, (take your pick of East Coast cities). It is important to realize that we need to spread renewable technologies out, to ensure that if the wind decides not to blow in one place, it is blowing in another place (critics will argue against windfarms saying ‘if you put all the turbines in one place’ I’m saying don’t ? ). If you want to see a wind farm, go to Oliver Springs, TN (literally a 45 minute drive) and I promise… you will not be disappointed.

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With this said, renewable energies must be combined with energy efficiency. Energy efficiency is something you will here about in the upcoming years. TVA is going to have to raise their electricity rates, Congress has ordered them to get out of debt. So, you are going to hear these practices become more and more practical. I have already mentioned this guidebook, it is a great place to start.

It will take time for the United States to build itself into a nation that can rely on renewable energy for its energy supply. Transmission lines must be upgraded, and extended to accommodate energy rich regions. Infrastructure must be put in place, to bring down the cost of the supplies of renewable energies. Legislation must be passed (like a Renewable Portfolio Standard (RPS) – if you hear of Carbon Tax, know that it is favoring Nuclear Technology, of which we have not solved security or waste issues). When a national RPS passes, you will hear complaints of “here is how much it will cost to get to 20% by 2020. The hardest step to 20% is getting the first 2%. But, if we demand it, if we take a stand, we will get this technology. The infrastructure is still being set in place, but it is coming. It has to come.

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Several companies have made large contributions towards making the United States sustainable. BP invested $4 billion in Clipper Wind turbineslast year (A US turbine manufacturer), BP also made several large solar investments. Shell (www.shellwind.com) has invested millions into wind and solar projects as well. Sharp’s leading product is solar panels. General Electric creates many of the wind turbines used today, and even though they may be sitting on their 1.5 MW design in order to make money, it is still important that they are contributing. These multinationals realize there is money to be made in the alternative field, do you think that might be an indication…

And for all the assholes in Washington, DC who are going to bitch about “jobs
lost” for coal miners, let me tell you something, coal miners lose jobs when coal companies are able to replace 20 miners with 1 large machine and dynamite (mountain top removal), that’s jobs lost. And for those miners looking for a job, why don’t you try out the renewable energy field? Studies show that switching to renewable sources would create 5 times as many jobs as relying on fossil fuels.

Knoxville, don’t gamble on your future, don’t be fooled. Don’t listen when they say “If we used only energy efficiency” or “if we used only wind” or “if we used only solar”. We aren’t going to use just wind, we aren’t going to use just solar, and we aren’t going to use just efficiency. They need to be all combined. We will not be replacing fossil fuel use immediately, but we will
be reducing it drastically.

Nuclear energy experts don’t believe that the energy will be ready for another 10 years, and even then, they aren’t sure how to store the waste. This is a waste that takes 1000 years just to halfway decompose, that’s a SERIOUS issue. Nuclear industry representatives have a
goal of maintaining the current percent of electricity generation. In the Southeast, we must fight to make sure this doesn’t increase. Don’t get me wrong, we will have to maintain a diversity of coal, nuclear, but we need to increase renewables. Coal will be reducing its share of the market,
renewables increasing, and nuclear maintaining the same, and efficiency will also eat a huge chunk.

Just keep your eyes open Knoxville, let’s use what we can, our economy will
improve, our environment will improve, and our lives will improve. I’ll talk to you ramblers tomorrow, if you have questions, leave them in a comment, I’ll personally email you back. Thanks for stopping by.

Real men...

Real Men

...Can bloody well *make* quiche and eat it, too.

Mushroom Quiche a la "Thirteen"

Preheat oven to 400F.

Throw in a bought pie crust (but not too hard). Let it bake for about 10 minutes.

Beat three eggs, imagining they are Republicans. Sprinkle enough thyme in to make it look speckled. Add way too much salt and black pepper. Add 3/4 cup of milk.

Sautee six ounces of sliced mushrooms in butter for approximately five minutes.

Take the pie crust out. Curse. Remember to use oven mitt next time.

Sloppily toss mushrooms in pie crust. Pour egg/milk mixture over everything and put it in oven (without spilling too much).

Bake for approximately 45 minutes. Enjoy!

February 20, 2007

Miniver Cheevy had it right

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Spent the weekend about 110 miles and 500-or-so years away from Knoxvegas, attending Black Gryphon, a weekend event held by The Barony of Thor's Mountain, Knoxville's local chapter of the Society of Creative Anachronism.

I performed in two plays at the event: "The Hawk-Eyed Sentinel" and "The Wonder Show" by Miguel de Cervantes. I had a couple short parts --an egoistic governor and a scrappy little shoemaker-- in my inaugral venture into acting; Never thought I'd end up on stage, but it does suit my natural hamminess.

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The SCA? Yes, we dress up like the Middle Ages and hit each other with blunt objects. No, I wouldn't advise teasing us about it. Never piss off anyone wearing armor and carrying a sword. That's the basis of chivalry, after all. Politeness matters in an armed society.

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All 'Miniver Cheevy' snarkiness aside, the SCA is collection of people who do. There are people living in Knoxville who can make chainmail armor or cook a feast for 120 or sew beautiful Elizabethan gowns or make beautiful, ornate, and functional handicrafts. I admire them greatly.

The event was great. I didn't screw up any lines. I made new friends. I attended my first-ever feast. (I was defeated, in the end, by the sheer amount of food. The conversation was wonderful, too.)

And then there was a delightfully carnal meeting with a new friend on Saturday night ...

. . . but that's another story.

We gave love a bad name

Location: Chili's, Blue Cats, Hannah's, the Pita Pit

Drink(s) of choice: Margaritas, El Presidente Margaritas, Pond Water (seriously, it's a drink at Chili's), Jager bombs, Bud Light, Red Headed Sluts, Michelob Ultra, Jose Cuervo

Event: Bon Jovi cover band ~Slippery When Wet~ at Blue Cats...and the rest was just a bonus

Friends: E, her sister, and many other friends

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Last Friday, my friends and I set out to see a Bon Jovi cover band, Slippery When Wet, perform at Blue Cats. We decided to drop by Chili's first for dinner and drinks, because 2 for 1 is always a good idea. We consumed a good number of the 2 for 1 margaritas, which are very tasty.

I also tried their El Presidente margarita, which basically tastes like one big shot of Jose Cuervo. I also tried a new drink at the waiter's recommendation, Pond Water. This drink was pure liquor and although I'm not really sure how it was made, I do know that it was wonderful and I would recommend it to everyone. In fact, I'll do that right now! Go to Chili's and try a Pond Water, don't try an El Presidente!

After we had consumed a sufficient amount of alcohol we headed over to Blue Cats to catch the band. This was around 10 PM, about the time the band was scheduled to take stage. Generally I've found when attending concerts at Blue Cats, my friends and I encounter forty-five minute long lines and a huge crowd once inside. But that was not the case this evening. Our eight dollar cover charge was quickly taken and we were inside were we observed a small crowd that had to be less than 150 people. It was a little disappointing, but we had fifteen people in our group, and when you know 10% of the crowd it's easy to make your own fun.

After a couple of Jager bombs, which is Jager and Red Bull, the band took the stage. Slippery When Wet played all of the familiar Bon Jovi songs like "You Give Love a Bad Name." but the most exciting song they played for my group of friends was "Living on a Prayer." E and her sister are the biggest fans of Bon Jovi who have ever lived.

They rushed the stage as if it was the actual band and even reached out to try to touch the Bon Jovi impersonator. This was one of those "had to be there to be funny" moments and I laughed about it with them for the next 30 minutes. I'm not the biggest Bon Jovi fan that ever walked the face of the earth but I still had a blast.

The people in attendance who are huge Bon Jovi enthusiasts seemed to really enjoy the evening as they sang along to every word. The lead singer kind of looked like Bon Jovi... Well, not really but he tried hard with his really, really tight pants. Seriously, I don't know how he got those things on. And we were pretty sure that he stuffed them, it was hilarious.

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There were members of the audience that were enthusiastic enough to take off their bras and throw them at "Richie Sambora." Some of them landed on his guitar. It was truly a sight to see. Slippery When Wet was not the best concert that I have ever attended at Blue Cats, but we made it a fun evening. I even took a few pictures just for you guys!

The concert ended at 1 a.m. with the band singing "Shout," which I'm pretty sure Bon Jovi never sang, but nonetheless, it was a nice touch. We decided it was to early for our night to be over and decided to move the party to Hannah's. Hannah's is a fun club to go to when you have a big group of people with you.

They play eighties music downstairs and rap music upstairs and it is always a 21 and up club, so it caters to an older crowd. As opposed to places like Blue Cats, Tonic, and Cotton Eyed Joes who generally have a good number of loitering minors. It is almost always free for women to get in and guys have to cough up a five dollar cover charge.

Hannah's is the most fun in the summer when you can sit outside and talk. There is usually never a line at the bar outside, whereas, the bar inside the upstairs and downstairs generally have steady lines. We lost E's sister and some friends for a while but rediscovered them just before leaving. Several members of our party also fell asleep at a few of the tables at Hannah's and were threatened to be arrested by police patrolling the Old City, so they say. We finally collected everyone to our various cars to make one last stop at the Pita Pit, which is open until 4 a.m.

The food was amazing and after we ate my friends, who were all plastered by this point, caused a huge scene, which turned out to be quite humorous for those of us who still had part of our intellect intact. The Pita Pit always seems to make for a great stop after a long night of partying.
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Derived conclusions are:

(1) The best band to see at Blue Cats in the Breakfast Club: an eighties cover band and they will be back in March

(2)Hannah's is a fun stop if your friends don't get arrested, and always finish up at the Pita Pit.

(3) Go try a Pond Water!

I hope you decide to keep me around for a little longer because I enjoy sharing my stories with you! That's it! Thanks for reading my blog.


XOXO~
Dancing Queen

February 19, 2007

Cocktails at the KMA: Addicted!

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Before I drop knowledge about the next KMA event I have to say that Knoxville is normal in that people trying to do new and fun can be heard complaining that no one ever shows up -- they keep going to see the same cover bar band or crap Hollywood movie. I’m super-impressed that the Knoxville Museum of Art had one- “Cocktails at the KMA” night, and it was packed. And I got really drunk, which benefits everyone if you think about it. But hats off to Knoxville520 and the KMA and some fun creative types for doing something different and successful-- and you guys, the heroes, for showing up.

Alas, the fun “Cocktails” event is back, the date Wednesday, February 21 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. This time our theme is “Addicted.”

We’ve found a cool film archivist named Bradley Reeves who has lots of vintage footage of Elvis and George Jones, Shatner, etc., all a little, um, drug-fueled. REALLY cool stuff, great to watch. And if you get Bradley talking about Cas Walker, he’ll tell you some stories you’ll never believe.

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The first one was so successful that the KMA will have two bars and free appetizers go ‘round! Like last time, the gallery will be open into the evening, whereas it would normally close at 5 p.m. Gotta be 21, though. Free for members, $5 for the rest of ya’ll.


Oh, it’s gonna be fun. And I just might get drunk again to prove it.


Matthew Newell

Exterior Decorating

Welcome to the salubrious 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.


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Dear Britney Spears,

You frighten the buhjeezus out of amaze us.

We like to think here at 520 that we've had "wild" weeks out in Knoxville. We pride ourselves on our ability to get our crunk on, fo' shizzle. That's the whole premise of this blog, in fact. We go out, we rock the party, we go home, and then we wake up the next morning and we write about it. But when we compare our crazy nights out to your perpetually nightmarish awesomely cool life, Ms. Spears, we end up looking really good like amateurs. How do you do it, Britney, time and time again?

Maybe if our staff took a few plays from your book, we could all ruin our lives spice up our nightlife and have better stories to sell to the media write about. Perhaps Beth, for example, could go marry an eff-tard goober face promising rap artist and have two redneck adorable babies with him and feed them cheetos be a responsible mom and then leave them with a sitter while she goes pole dancing who can still find time for fun. Or maybe Phil could go get even more late-night crappy ink jobs a couple of really cute pink tattoos on his wrist. And then Joe could go show his vajayjay hoo-haa cookiesnorcher hairless cat around town. And then Dustin could forcibly enter a hip salon all bat-shit crazy and watch his career nosedive give himself a haircut. Now we're talking!

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Thank you, Britney, for your inspiration. Now seriously, pull yourself together. You're making Fed-Ex look respectable.


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Your friend,
520



And now for our weekly rankings!




Mem Shannon & the Membership at the KMA


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As as soon as New Orleans blues band Mem Shannon & the Membership started playing, our world went from grainy black and white to vivid techno color, and I'm not just talking about Shannon's bejeweled right hand. For over two hours, this standing room only crowd danced in a fever as Mem & the Membership heated up this Mardi Gras party with sweltering blues with cheeky lyrics like, "I'm tired of these s.o.b.s/driving those SUVs." Mem also had a few choice words for FEMA, too. ("Somebody gonna hit ya with an ignorant stick/For trying' to pull some stuff like this.") I had a Duchenne smile on my face from the beginning to the end of this show. I could not believe this type of party was (a) happening in Knoxville, (b) was at the Knoxville Museum of Art; and, (c) occurred during the early evening. It is great to be able to say "there's no place like home." (5/5) -D.D.




The Last King of Scotland


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Graphic depictions of torture are the new black. Torture is everywhere these days: in the news, in practically every movie I've seen this year, and, of course, on 24. I am just about over it. I prefer old-fashioned punch-em-in-the-face violence to this new breed of let's-twist-his-nipples-off-to-extract-information crap. Yeah, yeah, torture really exists and it should be accurately depicted. But I don't think I can stomach much more of it.

The unforgiving malice of Idi Amin's regime in 1970s Uganda is enough to make even the most desensitized person squirm. But that's the point of The Last King of Scotland: what happened in Uganda should never have stayed in Uganda. The western world was so charmed by this brute of a man that they turned a blind eye to the genocide that he authorized. As the main characters begin to figure out what Amin is up to, the film gives you glimpses of the horrors committed. By the end of the movie, there is no doubt that Amin was culpable.

Forest Whitaker depicts Amin as, essentialy, bi-polar: At times he is your best friend, but at the drop of a hat he is a scary mo-fo in your face ready to rip your eyes out. Watching the young doctor Nicholas Garrigan (James McAvoy) try to befriend his unpredictable employer long enough to stay alive and get out of the country is nerve-wracking and fascinating. Go see it, torture and all. (5/5) -J.B.




Le Parigo


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Ooo la la!

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On Saturday, we decided to try to newish, Le Parigo in Bearden, for a pre-theatre meal. The small, sparsely decorated - but warmly lit - restaurant was the perfect way to enjoy the company of dear friends while basking in the glory of French cuisine. With a cocktail list that boasts a wide array of obscure choices, including many popular during WWI and WWII, one could even stop in for a nightcap at the bar and feel more Continental. However, the experience would be less than complete without experiencing the filet mignon with the truffle reduction. C'est magnifique! Before you write this location off as trop chere, keep in mind that the entrees range in price from $15 to $36. What's even better, is that the 3-course prix fixe (snob alert: according French grammatical rules, it's pronounced, "pree feex" - not "pree fee")) menu is only $35. So, it might be a bit extravagant to eat there every week, but once in awhile will do you good! (5/5) -S.S.








See you next week!

JoeVegas turns the heat up

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With a weekend like the one we just had (in case you were out of town...the temperature got down to a frosty 20 and warmed up to a frothy 35), I contemplated sitting at home with some hot chocolate. I failed miserably. Friday night, after my return from North Carolina, I thought about just taking it easy. After all, I’m battling a cold thanks to my lack of insulation. My friends could care less about my health, especially when they refer to the almighty Brucerator.

Sitting a mere block from my house sits what we like to refer to as "The Big Blue House." It is in this house where many life-altering decisions have been made. For instance, the
decision to go to Las Vegas last year was made there (perhaps soley based on the fact we were able to enter a National Beer Pong Tournament. Yes Knoxville, you are home to the National Lampoon's National Beer Pong
Champions
- no autographs, please). The decision to return to Vegas was also
made at the same house. But the greatest decision of all, was the instinctive decision made by the rentees of the house, to create a kegerator, not just any kegerator, but "The Brucerator." Covered by many famous Bruce's, this converted refrigerator has been the ignition switch to several forgettable nights. I am not here to talk about things I can't remember. I am here to talk about the culture of conversation that said
Brucerator stirred up Friday night.

My Vegas friends have bought this Vegas guidebook. I was always more of a Choose Your Own Adventure kind of guy (Or Encyclopedia Brown!). The truth is, I hate
planning. It reminds me of the time my Mom "planned" to encourage family bonding by visiting every lighthouse along the Outer Banks of NC. Really cool idea? No. Not at all. Not when a 5 hour trip ends up lasting 16 hours, riding 3 ferries, getting crapped on not once, but twice, by the seagulls your brother and sister continue to feed. Not to mention you are riding on this giant metal ship which absorbs every bit of sunlight, turning it
into one of the finest saunas you have ever set foot in. Although memorable, I don't think it morphed into a family tradition (a family tradition example: Every year my sister
(14), my brother (18), myself (22), and my parents put on Christmas pajamas (always from Old Navy) and take 3 rolls worth of pictures for a family Christmas card. Awesome.)

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Back to this guidebook. I have to tell you I was not a fan. I've threatened at least one of the group members that if at every casino we go to, he says something like "Built in 1960's, the Stardust casino was one of the only Casino's in Vegas to be owned by more than one organized crime group..." (Not factual by the way, just saying), I may kill him. However, sitting around the Brucerator, the comment was made "Did you know Paris Casino has the only true French roulette wheel in Vegas?" My first thought - "What the hell is a French roulette wheel?" It was explained to me, "a French roulette wheel contains no 00, making the odds of Red vs. Black, the highest odds in Vegas." Crickie!!! I love this guidebook! And fyi, we are staying in the Capital of Freedom Casino the first two nights we are in Vegas, meaning this would be where our balls to the wall, put it all on red, extravaganza would go down. It occurred to me that perhaps the stars were aligning... the odds of winning it all on red were getting better. Conversation snowballed (thanks again to the Brucerator) into a decision that we embark on our "Journey" the next day.

That was the plan, head out to a random town, to travel through bars finding
themes that we could parallel to Journey songs. However, the choose your own adventure ended up being that it was too f’in cold outside, and upon some research, the temperature was going to get below 20 degree. (Salt doesn't
melt ice below 20 degrees
) I live in the mountains of NC, I can drive on snow, but I say no to ice.

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Saturday night I was unsure of what to do until one of my friends called and said “We are at the Tasting Room.” Now, I have never been to the New Knoxville Tasting Room before Saturday night, but I have tasted New Knox beer, that’s all it took for me. Once I had maneuvered past Blue Cats, left on Randolph Street and right on Depot Street, I walked into a small venue, where everyone was lounging on couches, listening to Medford ‘s Black Record Collection. It was the friendliest scene I believe I have ever walked in on. I literally thought I was in a scene from "That 70’s Show." Friends laughing with $2 pints of New Knox, people sitting on the pool table, and not a mirrored beer sign in sight, I realized by not going there before, “I’ve made a huge mistake.

I also had no clue that I had walked in to a birthday party. Not in the sense
that there were balloons, birthday hats, and streamers, but in the sense that the birthday girl was walking around giving away free shots. I declined, but I watched all of my friends celebrate this once-a-year occasion. I ducked out the door early wondering where the night might have gone if I stayed. As I met up with three friends the next day for brunch, I found it humorous that all of us had headaches, three from the night
before, and one (me) from battling sickness. I spent the entire day Sunday battling sickness by turning on events such as the Daytona 500 (which is awesome, I fell asleep and woke up at the end!) and the NBA All-Star game (fell asleep, never woke back up… not until the morning).

So Knoxville, it’s voting day! And President’s Day! I wonder what percentage
of Knoxville will come out to the polls? I hope enough. It’s going to be sad to see one of us go, we’ve all come running out of the gates, but which one of us will be the Knoxville 520 Barboro? I’m not sure of the odds, but I’ll hopefully be back tomorrow with the promised blog on our energy future, and the green revolution. Keep it in the road!

Black out!

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Location: Myabi's, my car, the Strip

Drink of Choice: ...

Event: Black Out V-Day...AKA Valentine's Day!

Friends: Alisa, Colby, Michelle, E...who now prefers to be called Fergalicious in my blog, and assorted others


Happy belated V-Day!!!! I thought it would be important to get the ever-essential discussion of Valentine's Day out of the way, and it is better to do this late then never at all. A lot of people love Valentine's Day and one of my roommates claims it to be her favorite holiday. She even refers to it as some sort of a sacred holiday. At the age of 22 she still buys and hands out valentine's to all of her friends (and by friends I mean everyone she knows). She loves to be loved, as do I, but I have never felt this odd propensity toward Valentine's Day.

And yes, I have had plenty of boyfriends on the big day but even years that I've had a boyfriend I still haven't enjoyed it! Oddly enough, the best Valentine's that I had was during the last two years of college, toting my "single" status on this fateful lovers' day, and hence been forced to spend the evening with my closest girlfriends. Forced is the wrong word. Forced is the word that you generally use to describe something you don't want to do. I was more or less, well, blessed--for lack of a better word, to spend this holiday with my other single girlfriends. Of course, if any of us had boyfriends, we would have been forced (cursed) to spend the day with them. But, thankfully my friends and I were lucky enough to spend this time together. After the second year of this tradition, we dubbed the holiday "Black Out V-Day." We all wear black and go out to dinner somewhere in K-town to see what shenanigans might ensue after the meal. These nights have honestly been a thousand times better than any Valentine's Day that I ever shared with a boy. No offense guys, I am sure that one of you out there could wow me, I just haven't dated you yet! This blog is a tribute to Black Out V-Days, past and present.

The Best Black Out V-Day happened last year. Most of my friends and I were twenty, one year shy of that beloved legal age that we all longed for, and decided to eat at Myabi's, Japanese Steakhouse. There were 12 of us girls dressed up in our black, and after taking pictures, and then more pictures (with 12 girls and God only knows how many cameras you can imagine how long this took), we drove to Myabi's. I can't speak for the rest of the group, but the girls in my car had a blast on the way to the restaurant. We listened (and rapped) to, Kanye West's "Gold Digger." Our ridiculous behavior in the car ranks high in my top 10 college memories. Eventually we arrived at Myabi's which is the perfect place to have a Black Out Day. If you have ever eaten at a Japanese steakhouse, you are familiar with having the food cooked at your table. The waiter was a handsome bloke, and I could see him quickly calculating his odds of making an impression on at least one of the girls in our group. After, he realized that our "all in black" group wasn't a cult, he became even more interested, and I guess I can't blame him, seeing as how our all being out together on V-Day shouted our available status. He helped us have a great time by being incredibly entertaining, to say the least. The food was amazing and I highly recommend Myabi's to anyone who hasn't been. The soup, salad, shrimp, chicken, fried rice (my fave!), and filet mignon cannot be beat!

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After dinner, we decided that the night could not stop at Myabi's but we were too hyped up to go to a movie and too dressed up to go to a club. We heard on the radio that the Red Iguana, a R & B driven dance club, in the Old City, was having a V-Day celebration and was giving all of the ladies roses. We talked this one over, but since I HATE Red Iguana, I kind of single handedly nixed that idea. I have nothing against the Red Iguana, or people who enjoy going there, but for my tastes, the dance floor is to small, cramped, hot, etc. and that makes it hard for me to have a good time (even if I am the Dancing Queen).

We decided the best plan would be to head back to campus and drink until we forgot that it was V-Day (those of us who were underage just went back to our dorm at this point and so the rest of this story is narrated through an older friend). The next task came in the form of obtaining alcohol and after an hour of searching, calling, and checking every refrigerator and closet that they had access to in a5 mile vicinity, they finally found luck with one of my friends from high school. They picked her up from her apartment and she rode with us to pick her boyfriend up from his dorm. He went to a popular liquor store on the strip with $150 they had handed him and a "surprise us!" Why they sent him in to pick up random liquor I'll never know, I think they said something about not wanting to be seen by church members. Apparently they go to church with a lot of "closet drinkers".

Anyways, Ten minutes later, he came out of this liquor store with two, huge, brown paper bags and the contents held within were the most ridiculous items that my friends had ever seen. The largest containers of Smirnoff Vanilla, Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, Smirnoff Triple Distilled, Bacardi Coconut, and Bacardi Razz. I find all of these disgusting to this day because of the quantities that I have since consumed with the exception of Smirnoff XXX.

After the dinner, the pick up, the drop off, the ransom note (just kidding), and the forty five minute drive back to campus occurred, my friends were actually too tired to drink. All of the trouble that they went to purchase alcohol for the evening had not served them well. That liquor lived in a suite-mate's closet until its consumption later, which believe me, didn't take nearly as long as you think it might. Between random drunk nights, Thursday nights to Tonic, Friday nights to Barley's, and Saturday night's to the Downtown, it didn't take long at all for them to need another trip to the liquor store.

I realize that this is not your typical "party story," nor does it involve dancing, which is my namesake. I hope you're not disappointed. I thought this would be an enjoyable story that does, in fact, highlight some wonderful places to go in good ole' Knoxville. Feel free to leave a comment or two!

I am not a crook

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Distinguished 520 Readers, May I Present to You, Strapping Young Lad.

Well, I hope I haven't let the team down, but I didn't get out this weekend. I was too excited and busy putting up decorations and baking my Presidential Seal Cake. This magical day only comes but once a year! So hard not to get swept up in all the holiday spirit.

Not exactly true, mind you. In actuality I had to venture over the mountains to a quaint North Carolina village called Lewisville. I had a hot gig Sunday morning at Shallowford Presbyterian Church. It was their annual Jazz Service Sunday. I got to sit in with a great bunch of players and we played boppin' arrangements of some holy day standards. How they found 5 Presbyterians with enough rhythm to form a jazz group, I’ll never know. The day’s activities also got me way ahead in my church service attendances, having been to three in the last six months. The band was hot, the place was packed, and the cover was optional. Although the bar was a bit lacking, I put my stamp of approval on Jazz for Jezus Day. I sincerely thank those kind folks for letting me in on that.

Now, speaking of things presidentialish, today is a very important day for you to do your civic minded duty and vote. For me. For real. The first day of judgment is upon us. Having little to no shame, I feel no hesitation in begging for your vote. What does a vote for Straps get you, the mild mannered patron of the 520? Peace of mind and security. Imagine the horror of a Tuesday afternoon interweb surf turned ugly because, heavens forbid no post from the Lad. Have the terrorists won? What’s going on? I feel dizzy.

The power to prevent this is in your hands. What will you say to the children of tomorrow when they look up to you and ask “Mommy/Daddy, who was Strapping Young Lad?”

When you have to look into those little eyes, holding back your own tears, and explain the untimely demise of a blog that went before its time, you will have to think “I could have done something. Why didn’t I vote?” I wouldn’t wish the weight of that burden on anyone. Ask not what Straps can do for you, but what you can do for Straps.

Actually, in the honest spirit of Abe-y Baby that we celebrate today, I am sure all of the Ultimate Survivor folks appreciate everyone out in cyber-land that have taken the time to read our little entries. Please take the time to figure out how to vote for the one you like best.

Monday Night Picks: I think I’m going with Matt Urmy at the Preservation Pub for some introspective singer/songwriter goodness. If you can, check out Luminescent Orchestrii on WDVX’s Blue Plate Special today at noon. I am kicking myself for missing them last night, but at least I can enjoy a webcast of them today. I also think everyone that goes out tonight should sport beards and a stove pipe hat. It will look like the day the Phil Pollard clones took over K-town.

Til next time, My Fellow 520ers, I Am Not A Crook,
-The Occasionally Honorable Strapping Young Lad.

Hungry?


feasting (prurient interest rerun)

Life in the shadows of Knoxvegas can be quite interesting.

February 16, 2007

Burlesque!

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It leads to certain questions

It leads to certain questions

Looking through the window at the Miller Building, downtown Knoxville. I wonder if he still works there?

Knoxville Barbies

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Greetings Gracious 520Readers,

Has everyone seen the ‘Knoxville Barbie’ email going around? I cried I laughed so hard when I first saw it J I guess I’ve lived here just the right amount of time to ‘get’ all of the references plus know enough people that I can easily think of someone that fits in each of the categories. Well, most of them anyway.

My current top 3 favorites are;

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1st Place goes to Alcoa Barbie

“This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.”

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2nd Place goes to Knoxville Center Barbie

“This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.”


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And finally in 3rd place, Gay Street Barbie
“This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Gay Street Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow bumper sticker for free.”

NOT RIGHT! Who made these up? Does anyone know? I’d like to buy them a beer or a bake them a cake or something. They are, however, missing some key Barbies if you ask me.

Where is 4th and Gill Barbie? The UT Barbie? Where is good ole’ Gatlinburg Barbie? Old City Barbie? K.A.R.M. Barbie (the homeless live here too)? Bearden Barbie? North Knox Barbie? And last but not least the infamous ‘Fellini’ Kroger Barbie?

Can’t you just see it? UT Dorm Barbie could be all done up in the latest Old Navy fashions, her backpack chock full of books, her hair in a ponytail. She’d also come with her ipod and a Daily Beacon in hand.

Bearden Barbie would be in the latest Buckle fashions, driving a Volkswagen Jetta circa 2005 at the latest. Her hair is perfect, her nails are always a French manicure, and she’s on her way to Aveda to get a facial.

Fellini Barbie … she could be the first woman I saw there! She could have raggedy hair, and be missing most of her teeth. She could have on those hot pink stirrup pants (yes, you did read that right) and the flats on, which accentuated the straps on the stirrup pants. Besides the fact that they went ‘out’ 20 years, why was she wearing them, it was snowing? She would have that lime green sweater on and of course she’d have a half smoked cigarette dangling from her lips. She’d come with a Food Stamp card, and a few kids. But she wouldn’t have a cart to shop because Save-A-Lot is just across the parking lot and that’s where she goes. She’s at Kroger’s’ to cash her check.

Can you tell where I live? I can just see them now, each with her unique outfit and style, and specific environment and ‘world view’. I can’t wait to make more,…

So, my 520 readers what Barbies would you like to see and what would they look like? Ken’s too people. Oh and if anyone hasn’t seen the email – let me know.

Gas face

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Good day to you, most distinguished 520 people,

Strapping Young Lad comin' atchya.

So I hope you survived your hump day holiday festivities and that love flittered and spread around freely through the streets of Knoxville like a bunch of sand fleas. Now that the last echoes of all those silly love songs are waning we can get back to our normal daily affairs.

And one of my new daily affairs just happens to be trying to make one of your new daily affairs a clickety-click over here to the 520 so you can read the on goings of my exciting daily affairs.

What a crazy world, huh, kid?

I would like to touch on a subject that as of late has been popping its head around my circle of folks. It was spurred on, most recently, by the rumored happenings at The World Grotto last weekend. Word is that some of the artists performing the night in question vandalized and stole from the establishment. This created a bit of hum around the local scene and forums earlier this week and by now is probably a bit of old news to most of you. Now, I have read the forums and talked to a few people and have come to the conclusion that I just don't know enough to point the finger of blame, name any names, pass out any shame to any alleged player in this game. I don't know the story, not sure that I want to, but it has brought forth the fact that certain people are doing ill advised things at shows around town and I think this needs to be addressed. That is why I, Strapping Young Lad, have decided to do something about it. Sherman, set the Way-Back Machine for 1989, cuz I am about to re-institute the gas-face.

If you are playing a show and feel the need to get yer Pete Doherty on (btw, I don't think even Kate Moss likes Baby Shambles) by getting triznashed and tearing the place apart - you get the gas-face (strong language warning). It just so happens that I am a musician and I know a huge population of musicians in this town. Seems the consensus amongst my musical friends is we don’t like coming into a club to play our show and find that:

1. the once friendly management doesn’t trust us anymore and does nothing to provide a comfortable setting to play, i.e. no more green room, docked pay, no complimentary beverages and/or snacks.
2. the equipment doesn’t work properly anymore because some rockin rebel without a clue put his boot through a monitor wedge and yuked up his Jager on a couple of power amps.
3. the owner of the bar realizes that if his place is gonna get trashed, he might as well stop having bands and just hire a DJ and revitalize the foam dancing fad. Foam dancing, people. Do you really want to share the responsibility of rousing that beast back from the depths? A little social responsibility, please.

This disrespect for venues and bars isn’t just blood on the band's hands, now people. If you are attending a show and feel a need to break something – I got your gas face all warmed up and ready for you. For example, why is it when certain guys get to drinking, they feel the need to express violence on a bathroom? Go around town to any late night hang and look at the men’s loo. I can’t think of one that is not in a state of funky disrepair or full of makeshift patch jobs done by the management. What have bathrooms done to you? What is this repressed anger that Hulks out of you when you take a leak? Was your Aunt Myrtle slain by a raving urinal mint? What is it that you have against stall doors, mirrors, and toilet paper hangers?

And on a side note, what made you think the best place you could up-chuck was in the urinal? Commodes, sure but, I mean the urinal? The floor is a better receptacle than the urinal. At least the poor person that cleans your mess up won’t have to deal with your puke and all the normal pee butter, cigarette butts, and other nastitude. I mean come on, that’s just uncalled for.

Speaking of bathrooms, who are all these people that go to bars with Sharpies in their pocket? Now, I enjoy some water closet poetry from time to time, but seriously. When you were getting ready to go out, were you all like “Wallet, ID, credit card? Check, Check, and Check. Breath Mints? Check. Car Keys? Check. Permanent marker so I can finally make public to the peeing masses the great time that could be had if they would only call Sally? Check.”? I mean, for all the people that seem to go out well prepared to write something, you’d think there would be some writing on the wall that seemed, I don’t know, well prepared.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, could all listening patrons please keep your crap off of the stage? I was watching a terrific and super crowded Toubab Krewe show at the Grotto. All of a sudden, this dude that's, I don't know, like seven foot something tall comes in and stands in front of me. Now, I know it sucks to have a tall dude crowd out your sightline at a show, but I forgive these things. There is nowhere you can stand in elbow to elbow conditions where you won't stage block somebody. Now, I am not real short and I try not to do this to the less of stature, but it happens. What did torque my screws was that this guy proceeded to put his and his girlfriend’s jacket, her purse, and his and her drink ON STAGE, right next to the bass player’s feet. That is like uber disrespectful people. Dude might as well have popped a squat and took a steamy on that stage. Bands of any type size deserve and need what ever space they can get. That's why that space is set aside for them. They don't need to be dodging your beverages and personals while they are trying to get funky. I know, maybe nobody told you, and we will let slide this time, but consider yourself on gas-face review.

If you are attending a show and you feel the need to talk to somebody in the band while they are playing, sorry, you just got gas-faced. I know you want to feel connected to band, and those playing want to feel that connection with, but this is annoying. Musicians don’t want to hurt your feelings, but we would like it if you would just be a doll and shut the f*** up, at least until between songs. I don’t care if its just one cat on a patio playing covers on a thumb piano. Please wait until the song is over to request Brown Eyed Girl, or even better, write it down on a piece of paper (any odd piece of currency retains written requests best, I have been told) as this is one of the few exceptions to the putting stuff on stage rule. But for the love of Pete Townsend, do not start talking about your day and that terrible thing that happened to your hamster to a person trying to do his job of entertaining you. Oh, and under no circumstance should you ever, ever, ask the percussionist of the band whilst in the middle of a tune if the band knows the theme to The Dukes of Hazard. See that big black boxy thingy sitting next to his head? Yeah, it’s a fifteen inch speaker that is belching out the stylings of a six piece band, which, well lookie there, is sitting right behind him too. These are no conditions for a guy like me to try and decipher your screams of “C’mon, yeww know it, ‘Jus a gud ol bow-ee’. What makes you think I know what the hell you are trying to say? (True story, mind you)

There are some obvious gas faces that I don’t think I have to go into detail about, like anyone that came out to pick a fight or dudes that make continual bad passes at the cocktail waitresses (just leave now, you satchels of Masengill).

There are also things I wish I could put on the gas face list, but in reality there is no stopping them because you the people love them. Things like shouting "Freebird", requesting "Mustang Sally", and my personal least favorite, "We need more cowbell!" I realize that these things don't really hurt anybody or ruin anyone's good time; it’s just that they make me shudder. I would love to maybe suggest alternatives to these phrases such as, respectively, "Play some Sabbath!", requesting "Walking the Dog" or any other old funk R&B tune that is the same key and progression as Sally, and "The drummer is HOT!!". Alas, I am sure this is just a pipe dream.

Now, I don’t want it to be said that I don’t condone making an ass of yourself. Hell, half the reason I go to bars (or parties, or hockey games, or church services) is because they are openly accepting forums for asses. Inebriation and ass-issity go hand and hand, all part of the game, from the players on stage to the folks in line for the can. But remember, there is a difference between funny-jackass-ha-ha and scary-ass-please-call-the-cops. Please, ass responsibly.

I guess the over all point is, if you can’t handle your poisons in public, stop using them or practice at home until you can. Break your own dang stuff. The rest of us would appreciate it.

Friday Night's Picks: Man, tonight’s a toughie. Try to start out with Mem Shannon at Alive at Five, should be a great show. Get your Nawlin's on. Then what? Mic Harrison & The Highscore at the Corner will be a great show and will more than likely be packed, easily worth seven bucks. I gotta say I am also torn between Jescoe at Pres Pub and The Coveralls at Barley's. I hope to see you all out and about and if you see me at a show, you can flash me your best g-f. You'll know who I am; I'll be the guy making an ass of himself.

Have a good weekend, Knoxville, and til next time,

Straps has left the building.

Keep gamblin'

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"We're blowing right through naptime." Knoxville, it's Thursday, I have no clue what that really means, besides every single establishment in Knoxville is hosting specials. To tell you the truth, I can't make it out the door until I finish watching CSI. Yes, I am apparently a mainline American since it is "America's most watched TV show." Hell, now that I think of it, I may be mainline American. After all I did eat at an Applebee's last night (Valentine's Day) and I definitely had steak and crab cakes (I was going for the crab cakes appetizer, but it was $7 for 2 crab cakes... and the steak came with crab cakes and was $13... this math is much too easy.) Crab cakes and football - that is what Knoxville does (a very blatant joke stolen from Wedding Crashers).

Applebee's was my perfect choice for a Valentine's Day date. For two reasons: 1.) My date specifically requested we don't do anything out of the ordinary (by all means!) and 2.) I believe my date disliked Valentine's Day more than I do. (The whole "this is the day that Love has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it" type of thing). With her specific instructions being to just go with the flow and not really pay attention to the hype surrounding the holiday, I officially broke my 6th grade curse...

...Which involved getting up the gall to ask out the girl I had a crush on for the entire year. But to do so I ask my best friend's girlfriend to ask her for me-- after all she does sit by
this girl at lunch every other day. She said yes! Bowling it was! Unfortunately a pimple ruined my bowling form, and instead I called her on the phone to break up... even though we were never dating. In fact, we never spoke (but did manage to date later on, after my growth spurt and confidence). Applebee's saved me this year though, and so I will unabashedly promote applebees.com ala Wayne's World.

Now, if you will allow me to remove my blogger coat and put on my environmental jacket for a second: I'm not going to preach on renewable energy, coal, oil, etc. I hope you know about those things (if not, please let me know, I will submit one blog to summing up the entire issue in detail - I'll probably do it anyways. Let's make it February 20th, please). I want to talk about the biggest issue in my life right now-- when it gets below 40 outside, my house gets down to below 50, below 60 with heat on. When
you can't afford KUB, but you can't afford a doctor, what do you do? Last night, I found my solution. Last night was one of the last straws, laying in bed not being able to sleep
because my curtains are blowing in ice cold air, I wondered, is my cheap rent worth this? When the heat comes on, the warmth just reminds me that at least half of that is leaving my house, racing outside to the colder air, the other half is sucking my bank account dry. I have requested insulation for my house (we literally have none - evident by my nailing a picture through the wall, and catching upwards of of 10 mice, 2 rats, and a
couple of serious colds).

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I found this really great publication, hopefully each of you all will use it the way I plan on it, looks like we could all save some money really easily. I thought this was worth sharing. I am an environmentalist, because I'll be damned if my ignorance and laziness is going to ruin my way of life - I say that, and I still eat meat, I'm such a hypocrite.

Back to Thursday night-- I am unsure of what the night brings, I guess it depends on which way the wind blows - and if you want to know what to do - hell, you're already on the site. Friday night I will be out and about on the town, but not before traveling back across the mountains to watch my brother compete in his high school wrestling regional championships (not to mention congratulate him on getting a minimum $10,000 scholarship from Coca-Cola, one of 250 out of the original 88,000 applicants, not bad for a guy who graduated from a high school of 650 total students).

Well ladies and gents, it's off to the plasma center! Keep gamblin.

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Best. French toast. Ever.

Best. French Toast. Ever. II

You heard me. Run, don't walk, to Sunday brunch at the
Market Square Kitchen, One Market Square. It's orgasmic.

February 15, 2007

Monsters and other spectators

Spend some time at Temple, you'll notice that people fall into about three categories:

There are the people who do.

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There are the people who want to be done to.

Ritual II

And the people who just watch.

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Guess which two categories of people I respect? Watching is not doing, boys and girls. Think of that on football nights. ;)

The Weir


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Intimate performances are far superior to those at gigantic theatres. Places like the Tennessee Theatre are great, especially with their old, vintage look, but Black Box is great for a show like The Weir, which only features five cast members.

The Black Box Theatre, located in the Homberg area of west Knoxville, is a tiny, aptly named venue with dark black walls where I recently had the pleasure of viewing The Weir (by Connor McPherson).

Put on by the Actors Co-op, The Weir was the first play I’ve seen in Knoxville in my two years here and makes me feel that I’ve really been missing out.

The cast enters slowly, one by one at first, followed by a pairs (totaling four men and one woman), setting the scene of a tiny, neighborhood Irish Pub. The set completes the play, featuring dark, worn, wooden bar with two taps behind it. There are bottles of liquor (including a noticeable Jameson Irish Whiskey), photographs, and paintings behind the bar as well, adding to the homegrown feel of the place. If it were a real bar, I’d hang out there.

The rest of the set, consisting of a chimney against the far wall and a circular table in the center, is dispersed among the middle of the room. The audience sits in elevated seating to either side, adding to the intimate feel—the play is literally going on among the crowd.

The characters exchange humorous anecdotes and have light-hearted conversation while drinking profusely (something which is humorous in and of itself) and smoking cigarettes (which are real, so keep that in mind if you are bothered by smoke). For at least the first half-hour it’s not particularly obvious which direction the play is heading.

Slowly, the play takes a small, dark turn when the men entertaining "Valerie" (played by Amy Hubbard) bring up local ghost stories. They’re not particularly frightening at first but it sparks an interest among the characters.

Each goes on to tell their own ghost story coming from an experience in each character’s life. The stories amplify in fright, climaxing in an emotional, terrifying monologue which steals the show completely. As is the tone throughout the entire show, the creepier parts are followed up by lighter, funnier segments.

The ability to keep up an Irish accent for almost two hours is impressive, and the cast pulls it off perfectly.

There is no intermission, but clocking in around 1 hour and forty minutes, an intermission isn’t necessary. The Friday and Saturday shows are early enough in the evening to go out afterward!

It’d be a great place to take a date for a late Valentine’s celebration.

The Weir stars:
Greg Congleton as "Jack"
Darrien Thompson as "Brendan"
Jim Richardson as "Jim"
Tony Cedeno as "Finbar"
Amy Hubbard as "Valerie"

Directed by Sara Schwabe
Produced by the Actors Co-op

Performance dates: Feb 15, 16, 17, 22, 23, 24 at 8pm. For tickets, visit knoxtix.com.

Craziness, wine & passion

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Last fall something wonderful happened. My friends and I were finally getting to see the Dresden Dolls and (like always) when we're there for the headliners, we could hardly contain ourselves waiting for the opening acts to pass. I remember it was dark and quiet and then suddenly this nice man I saw out in the lobby was on stage doing things with his fingers that my eyes couldn't keep up with. The sounds were amazing-- emanating from glass bowls, marbles, bells, parts of instruments, boxes and machines. It was like all of my broken childhood toys had magically put themselves back together and were now singing a victory reunion anthem. Sure, there were other sights-- lighting effects, fellow audience members bustling about toward their seats and through the aisles.

Somehow, for just a few seconds, I was able to tear my attention away and come back to my senses. As I looked around all sorts of people sat, mouth agape, eyes wide, most not even moving. At the end of the performance, I practically shoved my friends out to the merchandise table, informing them that I. Must. Have. This. CD. I was transfixed as I managed to mumble when I was fortunate enough to meet Sxip Shirey after the show. Imagine my excitement with having the privilege to interview him before his return to Knoxville and ask him all the questions I'd really wanted to ask when we met (until my mind went to complete mush, of course).


MS- The style of music, the creativity in your performances, and general whirlwind of sound you create is anything but common in the US. While it is definitely a breath of fresh air, it pulls us in a direction of wanting more and not really knowing where to look for it. What influenced you most when you first started creating your own music?

SS- Well first of all, check out That One Guy, Reggie Watts' and Kid Beyond's solo stuff, they are amazing. Solo musicians I was very inspired by when younger were Diamanda Galas, Tom Waits, John Fahey, Leo Kottke, Micheal Hedges, Rodger Miller (of Mission of Burma -had a prepared piano album called Maximum Electric Piano), John Cage and Bobby McFerrin. Also check out Spike Jones, Bulgarian Woman's Choir and Taraf De Haidoucks. There is a lot of amazing music out there.

MS- Did any of your peers share or encourage your interests?

SS- I originally created these sounds while composing music for modern dance at Ohio University. The music director there at the time was very encouraging. After that it has been during periods of greatest isolation (after break-ups, in new cities) that I write much of my solo material.

MS- How did the members of LO meet- I imagine it's quite random to ask "You guys want to start playing gypsy tango klezmer punk music?"

SS- It started as project just for fun. I was dating Sarah at the time and Rima was going out with the old bassist. We just wanted to play some of the gypsy music that Sarah had heard when she had traveled in Romania.

MS- When did you first know that you had something solid?

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SS- The first gig we played, at a little theater...people just loved it. The beginnings of the band was such craziness and wine and passion and sadness and goodness all at the same time.

MS- How did your earliest audiences react when hearing your music?

SS- Danced! They danced. So many white people in this country have forgotten how to dance to live music, we want to help fix that.

MS- What line of work were you in before you began touring, and (how) did it lead you to you what you do now?

SS- I've always been a starving/underground artist. Though I have had a crazy number of day jobs. From working with the developmentally disabled, to being a simulated patient for student doctors, to being a telephone psychic, to dressing up as Barney the Dinosaur and dancing around at kids' parties, to selling expensive silk ties outside at Union Square in New York City during the Christmas season.

MS- What would you like for your audiences now to gain/experience during performances?

SS- I want them to be present for their own living. To have a moment where they are really aware they are alive.

MS- Even when you're not on the road performing solo or with Luminescent Orchestrii, you still have your hands full with a lot of projects, some of which include your role as Maestro of the Daredevil Opera Company and Bindelstiff Family Cirkus. You've also mentioned recently working with a children's program. How did you come across these opportunities?

SS- My opportunities come from people seeing me play solo and then approaching me after the show.

MS- In addition, you started a production company, CHARM, which brandishes many artists with similar styles, various odd-ville acts and performance artists. What has been the greatest benefit so far?

SS- I love other artists. Some I love so much it hurts that they are not better known. So this is my chance to promote them. It's amazing to have so many people you love and respect on the same bill. The community aspect of it is fantastic. I am now doing "Sxip's Hour of Charm" in NYC. The plan is to start taking it to universities as a touring show.

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MS- The extent of this networking has manifested in so many ways - fans in numerous cities that gather together at other members' shows, new artists, troupes and bands popping up all over the place. You even have fan groups on MySpace - what is your vision for this relatively new craze of interests?

SS- I want to help foster a culture of art that is visceral, excited and supportive, a culture of art that is hard working but that doesn't have to adhere to the cold intellectual discourse of the art world. A human populist culture of experimentalism.

MS- You just released your cd, Sombule, last year. What were the best and worst factors of this process? Is there anything you wished you had done differently?

SS- The CD is an accident - a gift. It was meant to be a compilation. It has recordings from different periods. Different styles...crazy Sxip music, country songs, piano...but when put together, Joe Bass, the engineer, and I realized it was in fact a body of work, an album.

MS- Of all songs you've produced, which one do you keep closest to heart?

SS- Two, Moon In Her Belly and the song All Babies Must Cry

MS- You will be coming back to Knoxville with Luminescent Orchestrii on the 18th. What are you looking forward to most?

SS- Both. My solo work is about the internal person and spiritual spilling itself into the room, vibrating the room, vibrating with the room and audience. It is about pulling the ghost from the meat. The band is about social energy. How amazing and wonderful it is to be in a community of souls.

MS- Lastly, what words of wisdom do you have to offer other artists who are still striving to make a name for themselves with experimental music?

SS- I dont know about making a name for yourself. But...go to Berlin. There is no arts funding in the US. Go to Berlin and then go to Berlin. Oh and try to have something to say in your music...also, putting contact mics on a bicycle wheel has been done, which is ok. it sounds cool, but putting contact mics on a bicycle wheel isn't enough. You gotta have a spiritual, emotional, esoteric, intellectual intent..SOMETHING. Say yes to opportunity and realize that once you have crafted your music and you know it and understand it it is no longer "experimental." It is just music.

Sxip Shirey's website can be found here.

Listen to The Moon by the Luminescent Orchestrii.

Sunday, February 18
World Grotto, 10:00 p.m.
Luminescent Orchestrii with Sxip Shirey
and Stephanie's ID

Monday, February 19
WDVX Blue Plate Special, Noon
Amy Spence and
Luminescent Orchestrii

The Yoda way

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Ha – I just remembered what I did last year for Valentine’s Day. I went shooting at Coal Creek Armory. See, Gypsy Queen was training to be a spy, (apparently you can dream REALLY big after cancer) and we all know that to be a good spy you have to know how to shoot. We were going to go for her birthday a few days earlier, but after drinking a margarita at El Charro we figured it probably wasn’t the best time to go shooting. Then we found out that ladies shoot for FREE on Tuesdays at Coal Creek! And what with it being a year ago, Valentine’s Day was on a Tuesday, perfecta!

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The only thing I was concerned with was that the place would be full of bitter women that based their sense of self-worth on if they had a date for Valentine’s Day or not. Luckily it wasn’t, there were no bitter women there at all. There was a bitter guy though, although he let it out with humor. He made a big cardboard woman and wrote, “love sucks’ or something like that and sent it clear back to the far wall before obliterating it with some semi automatic something or other. There was a strange mix of people there though; us, that guy, a family, you know Mom, Dad, and kids all together - what a beautiful sight to see, and a one couple. Gyps and I shared a .45 I think, and went through at least 2 boxes of ammo? We took turns shooting which worked out fairly well, except Gyps has since determined she likes .25’s better. Her hands are much smaller than mine so the .45 was a bit much for her. It’s my favorite gun, well I do like 9 mm too.

Funny though to see how differently we approached shooting. Gyps was very careful, she took her time, aimed and fired. And she kept the target practice sheets. She also improved as the evening wore on, getting closer and closer to the bulls eye. I, on the other hand, unloaded the clip within seconds. I used to shoot with my old boss and he got me hip to the joys of unleashing a clip as fast as you can. If you haven’t done it, try it! It feels great, like a good cry, or a deep belly laugh will, just in a very aggressive, testosterone-ish, manly way. He said that’s probably the closest I can come to know what it feels like to be a guy. Now, I in NO was endorse unloading it on someone those target practices at Coal Creek do just fine. There is so much power in those guns; it’s hard to think about it for me. Kinda like if you’re going to jump off the high dive you have to make up your mind on the ground, climb up, and just jump off. If I stop and think about it – I won’t do it. So, when I shoot I just let her rip, and I don’t pay much attention to aiming – I go by feel – the Yoda way. You know what’s really weird though? I’m not a half bad shot, either.

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Viva KnoxVegas!

How are you? I'm having an incredible year. For everyone's
reading pleasure I managed to sneak around the town yesterday / last night. It was Kentucky vs. Tennessee in basketball that really got the spirits rousted, but it was the Holiday performance of "Featuring Chad Kroeger of Nickelback: Anna Nicole's unborn child's father" (i.e. Nintendo Rules) that stole the show.

At 2 p.m. I received a most generous phone call from my friend who demanded
"Why are you not at Moe's?" A quick background, before most men's basketball games, a group of us gather at Moe's for their $3.25 pitchers (Student discount - $4.50 regularly) of Michelob Light, Bud Light, Miller Lite, or Amberbock - seriously, it is your pick. Several of us gather there, others stop in to have a pitcher, being quoted as saying "For $3.25 I feel like I have to buy one." It's true. Regardless, I made my way down to Moe's around 4:30 p.m. to a crowd of hecklers, raining down smart-ass comments about my
arrival time. One pitcher and a couple of glasses of Amberbock later we left at
5:15 p.m., our ears ringing... "Welcome to Moe's."

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I hope you know the outcome of the game. I tend to geek out on sports, so I'll try to tone it down. But I just want to point out that when Tennessee's two freshman who play inside (Wayne Chism and Duke Crews) outscore a player who (at one point) was entering the NBA (Randolph Morris - extremely big headed, overhyped Kentucky center) my expectations for Tennessee basketball, not only for this year, but for upcoming years, are high. Tennessee built a lead, then slowly let it dwindle (similar to my gambling habits), however unlike myself, the Vols held on for an exciting 89-85 victory. The game ball goes to my buddy who arrived at Moe's at 2pm, was escorted to outside the building where an officer ask him "Have you been drinking?" to which he replied "Yes sir, would you like to see my tab." Instead, he handed him his ID, verifying he was of age, and he returned to cheer on the Vols.

By the time the game had ended, I could already tell you I was going out on the town (the 2 p.m crowd did not join me). I need to point out "out on the town" means somewhere with culture-- a splash of class. I need atmosphere, not 300 beer signs that are also convenient mirrors. Granted, if a place has a pool table, I tend to make exceptions. Not because I am good at pool, but because I'm confidently mediocre. Old City and Market Square qualify as normally having culture and class. I do plan to venture out west-- I figure this contest should serve as motivation for all of us to enjoy the entire city of
Knoxville. In fact, Knoxville520 has the calendar available, so there is no excuse not to.

Preservation Pub. Everybody seems to know everybody. Even though I don't, I
feel like I do. I feel like I should announce that the Pub is holding a meeting for those interested in joining a co-op to purchase Preservation Pub and keep it just the way it is - absolutely rockin'. That meeting is on Thurs. April 15th at 6:00 pm. So Tuesday is singer / songwriter night, and I met a group of my friends down at the bar
for the traditional $2 High Lifes (Champagne of Beers). The Pub's singer /songwriter night is unique in that it isn't an untalented "artists" stubbing chords and wailing pitches that even I know to be way off key. Instead, it is a gathering of Knoxville's talent to play amongst each other. It's a neapolitan of shows, typically 2 or 3 songs each, covering the full music spectrum. At the end of the night, it was the Nintendo Rules rendition of Justin Timberlake's famous via You Tube SNL skit "Dick in a Box" that brought chants of "encore" even aspiring a quad of ladies to audition for dancer's in the music video.

So Knoxville, where do we go from here? Valentine's Day is here-- enjoy it! I've gambled a few times on this oh-so-American holiday and just like I normally do, I've lost. I'll
share some Valentine's Day "don'ts" and if my evening goes right tonight, I may go with one Valentine's Day "do." What else can you expect from ol' Joe Vegas?

Rumor has it that Longbranch saloon may be rented out for an official event, I invite all my fellow bloggers to join in this over 21, BYOL ( Yes-- Brown Bag baby!) event. I'll be solidifying the venue in the next few days. Also - look for a random "Journey" as I embark to a nearby
city, unknown at the time, with the idea being to find something the band Journey could sing about at each bar I find. My final finale will be a unprecedented pub crawl.
From the Old City to Market Square to the strip (I have to walk to all these places). This all-downtown pub crawl is both ill advised and well advised at the same time. I guess I will sacrifice for the good of the whole. In between all these events look for random events, thoughtful insights, rambling, and most importantly living on life's little edge, putting it all on red. I bid you adieu.

The Second Mardi Gras (part 2 of 2)

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Location: Barley's, Hannah's, Downtown Grill and Brewery, Waffle House, Almost The Police Department

Drink(s) of choice: Bahama Mama (ew), Long Island Tea
(ewww), and Margaritas!

Event: My 21st Birthday!!!!

The Friends: E, E's Sister, My Birthday Boyfriend, The
Police in the Old City

My friends told me that I could drink as much as I wanted because they would take care of me, unfortunately, they didn't make this promise to my birthday boyfriend. I was already drunk and got handed a Corona with lime in a glass bottle. While I was dancing with my birthday boyfriend, some drunk idiot hit the bottle with his elbow and chipped my birthday boyfriend's tooth!!!! For the rest of the night, he walked around saying "look what I had done" while blazing his chipped tooth grill. "Chip" as he was eternally dubbed, by all of those who were present, thought it was funny that night but one dental bill later and he wasn't laughing anymore. I promptly went to the nearest sprint store and requested a new cell phone number.

Back to my wonderful friends who told me they would take care of me but were to trashed to deliver on their promise. My birthday boyfriend suggested that we walk around the corner to Barley's and by this point in time E was wrapped up with her boyfriend, everyone else was trashed and I was off flirting with some random guy. About half way to Barley's I realized that I didn't even close out my tab and get my credit card. We stumbled back into Barley's, closed out my tab and continued on our journey. Nothing else eventful happened with my birthday boy other than some saliva swapping which was far from whizbang.

If my liver could talk it probably would have had a few choice words for me and some parental nonsense about how close to alcohol poisoning I was that evening. Instead, my body respectively warned me with a nausiating feeling to which I responded by hastening my way to the ladies room. Thankfully E and my other friends had tracked me down by this point and helped me into the restroom. I have never been so embarrassed in my life, as E held back my hair and I projectile vomited all over the bathroom at Barley's. E was so drunk she couldn't stop laughing and as we were leaving the bathroom a woman gave me a dirty look. E spoke up and said "Come on, it's her 21st birthday." to which the lady responded with "Oh, I understand." a sentiment echoed by many strangers that I encountered throughout the night as E apologized for my drunken behavior. E later asked me what I was drinking that was red, and at the time I didn't remember, but looking at my receipt later, we decided it was the Bahama Mama's. Gross. I will never drink that again.

We were walking past Hannah's to go around the corner to get to my car when I apparently tripped and on my way down dragged a friend with me apparently causing a huge scene. They told to me to calm down (which if you didn't know means scream louder when you're intoxicated). I loudly protested about my sobriety and aptly demonstrated that I could walk the line.

By this point, the police officers hanging out in the Old City were eying me with what seemed like intentions to arrest me for public intoxication, a perfect ending to my birthday bash. E and a couple of bouncers from Hannah's apparently fended of the cops giving my friends enough time to cover my mouth and usher me into the car. I didn't find out until a few days later how close I was to being arrested that evening.

We went on to Waffle House that evening where my actions can be summed up with eating, puking, and yelling and I spent the remainder of the night in my bathroom. It was truly a great night and one that I will always look back on and laugh hysterically at myself for.

Thanks for reading my blog! I hope you enjoyed reading my story as much as I enjoyed living it. This weekend there will be some fabulous partying stories going on nearly everyday, so look for those on my blog. Other than this weekend, you can expect stories about random trips to ATL, crazy college parties, and some info about the best places to party around town.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to check out the other contestants' blogs!!

XOXO

~Dancing Queen

Snubbing Dionysus

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This blog contest is supposed to be all about partying, but it's probably best that I tell ya'll up front that I won't be drinking. I have nothing against alcohol, but, hell, after last year, the last thing I need to do is become involved in field research into the worship of Dionysus.

My last really big drunk involved peach moonshine and dinner with a lesbian friend. No, it wasn't as fun as it might sound. That marked the low point in my then-burgeoning practice of using alcohol as a coping mechanism. I decided enough was enough and have only been drinking sporadically (and generally lightly) since.

So, just so ya'll know, I'm planning to remain clear-headed during my pursuit of debauchery (and $500).

As usual, the whole conflict ended up being worked out in a poem.

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Thirst

Give me a beer, something god-damned and bitter
-- an emperor thirst needs slaking.
There is a parched desire within, a desire for blindness,
a desire to cleanse away all the maps. The territories
want their forgetting, after all.
So give me a beer, something god-damned and bitter
-- or give me of the Lethe, that backwoods
pisswater the dead keep raving about.
There's no rest here. Doors want their closing. Windows
grow weary for lack of shade. I don't desire such keenness.
Let the edges dull. Let me cultivate some rust.
So give me a beer, something god-damned and bitter
-- something that I can wear like cotton,
something to be wrapped in like last night's sheets.
Give that lovely oblivion. Let me sleep.

--"Thirteen", September 17, 2006

Temple nights

One of my favorite "I don't have to be a parent tonight, so let's get dangerous" pasttimes in Knoxville is attending Temple, an alternative dance event, held on Saturdays at the Electric Ballroom. It can be a little like the boardwalk scene from "Lost Boys" played out with a cast drawn from the Island of Misfit Toys. I feel at home there. I'm one of the broken, myself.

The regulars make the event. As a rule, they're some of the nicest and most polite people I've met. For instance, my friend Bunny is a wonderful lady.

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For a photographer, Temple is also the promised land. There's always something interesting to see.

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Amorous monkeys

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(editor's note: although Valentine's Day was yesterday, you can keep celebrating here with the Lad's winsome words!)

Bon Jour, My Sweet 520 readers, It Is I, Strapping Young Lad.

Today is a very special day, one we spend in celebration of a historical and mythical man. Of course I am talking about Ed Corts, the ever loved publican of The Corner Lounge. Happy Birthday, Ed!

But alas, Ed’s thunder has been all but quashed by a certain man that was either one of three fellas named Valentinus from either Rome , Interamna, or Africa around the year 270. Legend has it that an evil emperor handed this Valentinus fellow’s head to him because he wouldn't disavow the Holy Roman Church. Records of this time are all but non-existent. We will never now exactly who this fellow was and what he really did that was so great as to be sainted and all. But this much is known for (almost probably) sure about the Patron Saint of The Greeting Card Industry: he was all about spreadin some 3rd century love. Which time warps us thousands of years to the here and now, where you are reading this and thinking “Oh s***, that’s today!”

Now there are various camps of thought on this holiday. Many cherish the opportunity to sprinkle adoration on their lovey-dovies like rose petals from 75% cacao clouds. Others say that the day is bunk and that the entire muckety muck was created and hyped by Hallmark and FTD to crank out early year sales. Then there is the opinion, of which I understand is shared by most of the Knoxville520 staff, that all you non-single kissy kissy faced amorous monkeys can go choke on your bon-bons.

No matter what your opinion of the day, you’re stuck with it and here it is. What you gonna do now? Maybe I can help, because nothing solves problems like anonymous strangers on the internet. Any how, as promised, here is

Strapping Young Lad's Tips For Valentine’s Day

1) THE EASY WAY OUT: $$$
Look, you can’t buy love, but you sure as hell can buy a pretty friggin cool night. If you got the means, drop a bill on dinner and drinks and maybe catch a show. My favorite places to exchange a wad of cash for a couple hours of over indulgent eating? Everybody has different tastes, but on the rare special occasion I get to pretend I'm a money bag, Chesapeake’s or Baker Peters are my faves (Your significant other a vegetarian? Prove their mettle with a trip to BPs' and get the filet medium rare. If they can watch you nosh down one of the most delicious bloody messes in town and kiss you later, they must like you a lot. Seriously, though, best steak I have ever had). Point is, it’s hard to have a bad date if you throw a couple of hundred bucks at it (unless your date actually costs a couple of hundred bucks a night, which just means your a sad, sad, case this Valentine's). The bad thing about expensive gifts, nice restaurants, renting limos, getting the grill polished, etcetera, is that it takes forethought and a little planning and IT'S TODAY.

You probably should have made reservations because every swank eatery in town will be slammed to the gills with folks that remember this type of stuff. And gifts? Well, you can rush out to the jewelry store on the lunch break I suppose. They sell some pretty cute stuffed animals at Wal-greens. OR, you can mozey on down to plan #2.

2) THE “STILL SAYS I CARE BUT ON THE CHEAP AND QUICK” OPTION
So, the wallet is light or the clock is tickin, either way, its time to get on the ball, chump love sucker. It looks like its time to initiate an intimate evening at home.

Can you cook? If not, scoot on down to the Fresh Market pre-prepared deli case. Get a couple of fancy looking entrees and some vegetables to steam with – Oh, you're the can’t-boil-water REALLY can’t cook type person. Still, no fear, they got sides too. You can probably get a real nice dinner for two for under $20. Here’s the key. You gotta put it on a plate, genius. Eating out of plastic trays you microwaved is not gonna score you any suave points. Still got some cash? There are plenty of tasty wines for under a tenner. Set the table, use a cloth if you got one, light a candle.
Need atmosphere? Pop over to Pandora.com and start typing in Barry White, John Coltrane, System of a Down, whatever floats your mood boat. If you take about twenty minutes you can fine tune a custom romantic mix station that you can just let play whilst dinner is commencing.
Gift? Now this may take an hour or so. It’s a desperate play and takes a little mental conditioning to pull off, but I think given our options, we gotta go there. Break out the construction paper, glue, glitter, and macaroni. For realsies. Take an hour to revert back to third grade. Personalize a big, cheezy, lace and painted pasta heart for your lover. This is where you gotta believe, though. You think I’m joking around? YOU GOTTA BELIEVE IT, SOLDIER! While you are making this monstrous monument to your total lack of artistic talent, you must open your mind. You must imagine you ARE that third grader and you have just created your masterpiece. It took you all of art class and you went through two tubes of Elmers (well, the last one you drank and did that fake peeling skin on my hands thing with) but it is done, it is beautiful, and you are taking it home. You bust in the door and give to your mom. Keep focusing on the love on your mom’s face as she is beaming at this heartfelt creation. This is the commitment you must have for your other to not take this all as a terrible joke or a cheap excuse. No person with any kind of heart would dare shatter an honest stare of cutesy kiddy goody goodness conviction. If you bust out ninja strong focus while presenting this gift, grasshopper, I believe you can even pull some tears out of your love buddy. Now, there is one more important step in pulling this off, YOU MUST BE ABLE TO GET YOUR MOM BACK OUT OF YOUR HEAD. Otherwise, you might have just sabotaged any hope of the evenings grande finale. Candles, blanket, sappy movie, snuggles, and then whatever have you. Bam. Valentines for under thirty bucks and with all the smoochy woochy moments you can stomach.

3) THE “I DON’TS GOT NOBODY” PLAN OF ATTACK (Also known as the 520 special)
Take your damn self out to dinner. Go to a schnazzy restaurant and eat at the bar, you don't need a reservation. Buy those top shelf drinks (but apparently you better order in before DQ hits the bar and drinks the wells dry), eat the Mahi Mahi, get a bad ass desert (Oodles Noodle Bar on Market Square had a triple choclate mouse last time I ate there. Bring a helping of that home with you and your evening won't need a “grande finale”. The stuff is semi-solid ‘o’ face in a glass), go kick it at a show, treat yourself as good as you ought to be treated. But save those receipts. At the end of the night multiply the total tab by two and think of all those sappy suckers that didn’t qualify for the Valentine’s Half Off discount.

Now go out there and get your Happy Valentine’s Day on.

TONIGHTS PICS: Shows I’d recommend seeing tonight if I had a lovely other with me: Preservation Pub for Big Bad Jukebox or Barley’s for Christabel and the Jons. It all just depends on how fast you wanna dance. As for me and mine? I think my lovely and I might head down to the Corner Lounge, listen to a little Greg Horn, and watch Ed drink in another great year of Ed-ness.

Til Next Time, My Sweetest Adieus, to yieu and yieu and yieu,
-Le Strapster

The Roundup

If you've ventured onto our myspace site, you may have listened to our weekly podcast, "The 520." We're currently offering it in mp4 form, which is perfect if you have iTunes. If not, never fear, because we're working on publishing in a more user-friendly mp3 format as well.

In the mean time, this week's edition is here, and kids, we've done gone country. This week we cover our Ultimate Knox Vegas Survivor Contest, Christabel & The Jons, and Tommy Emmanuel, and offer our weekly Guess That Local Tune contest. Listen, play, and win!

Listen here.

Subscribe here.

February 14, 2007

Put it on red

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Put it all on red. My gambling motto. The same motto that saw me soar back from nearly broke, to even, to completely broke last year in Las Vegas. The truth is I have never won on the roulette wheel. Never. I don't even think on a hand-held video game. My new motto - put MORE on red! It's gotta hit soon...

KnoxVegas? I'm looking to go back to Las Vegas! Confidently I have spotted myself $500 to book airlines and hotels for 5 nights of an up all night, is that a girl or guy?, tip anyone who smiles at you, kind of experience. Now I have two options to scrape up that money to gamble, either continue donating plasma twice a week (which is a pretty good gig right now!), or let you enjoy my KnoxVegas adventures. Either way, I'm putting it all on red.

You see, I'm not a Knoxville bar groupie. I don't have my own "Cheers." At one point I did-- every Tuesday I went to a particular drinking spot for free pool and $2 New Knox drafts. Apparently I am a leader, an innovator, because after two months the word got out of where I was located. And one Tuesday night I saw more pastels than a pack of Smoothie Mix Skittles (which if you have ever tried, you
will find there are is no flavor diversity, plenty of colors, 1 flavor). Regardless, I'm not sure if it was the first popped collar or the second, but my $2 New Knox drafts were replaced by "regular price" and I was replaced by "regular college students."

I'm not a band groupie, I don't jump up and down and scream (a la Little Miss Sunshine) when a particular band comes in town, although some of my friends religiously follow
Breakfast Club (come on who doesn't?) There is one particular band that plays on Preservation Pub on most Tuesdays that I will follow. At one point they had a record 21 opening acts, a feat that is unheard of outside of Woodstock,
Bonnaroo, (name your favorite large tour). What is their name? It doesn't matter who... we just say "Last Act at Open Mic Night."

So what the hell is it I do? In the words of Cal Naughton Jr., "I like to party." I enjoy enlightening people, which is what I plan to do. Jim Beam normally results in a good night (which on my 21st birthday led to me waking up in the back of a car with a cop asking "who stole the bottle of Jager" and me getting pissed at all my friends out for not admitting to it. Little did I know that I had gone to the upstairs bar, grabbed a bottle of Jager, and drank 1/4th of it before escaping the bar, scot-free, until I ran into a VW, which reminded my body I had a touch too much alcohol, and while I attempted to get
rid of any alcohol from my stomach, I was caught - not a good night). I don't dance very well, but Mr. Beam and I do tango.

I just made my first KnoxVegas survivor decision. If I win, I am placing all
the prize money on red, the second my plane lands in Las Vegas on March 9th (9:05am). That's part of what I'm surviving for, the other is to hopefully give you a laugh, and an inside look to what is sure to be a very interesting few weeks. I'll enjoy reading
everyone else's posts as well. Stayed tuned Knoxville, we're in for a classy ride.
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Is that a crocus in your pocket?

Ah, Valentine's Day.

Blargh. After mainly dating near-psychos for the past 10 years, I've soured on the idiocy involved. My policy is to treat whoever I'm dating well every day. So why stress over one stupid day?

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On a much happier note, I found the first crocus of the year in my yard yesterday. It's always a special joy.

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Rehearsal went well, I reckon, last night. Only choked on one line. The roughest part was the location -- the University Center at UTK (THE NIGHT OF THE UT VERSUS KENTUCKY BASKETBALL GAME). So, I parked up on Highland to avoid the mess and walked down --dressed as an approximation of a 16th Century Spanish gentleman. Got some odd looks for that. Nobody directly addressed my attire, except for the bum who asked me for money for a beer. "I like your suit," he said.

Tonight, I could go read some of my poetry at the Satyr's Asylum open mic at the World Grotto; however, I'm thinking that I probably need physical exercise instead. Maybe I can find an opportunity to cross swords with someone.

Speaking of poetry, here's a small taste of my work:

click me

Blog whoring

Ah, an auspicious day for embarking upon my new career of blog-whoring for the rapacious Knoxvegas audience. Call me 'Thirteen'. Why? It amuses me.

Well, I'm starting out the gate with a bit of a handicap --been home caring for a sick four-year-old, so I haven't been able to get into any documentable mischief for the Internet masses. But it's good day anyway. My son is feeling better. Coffee is brewing. Lambchops are humming a seductive little tune from a skillet on the stove. It's a nice moment. That's all you can ask from life.

At my age, though, I also know a few tricks about manufacturing entertainment when nothing else presents itself. It's all about inner resources, boys and girls. I'm a photographer, a writer, a swordsman, and a cook. There are plenty of opportunities for self-distraction in those categories.

Bored photographers take an awful lot of self-portraits:

down where it's dirty

I also admire pointy things (keep your mind out of the gutter):

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Tonight, I'll be busy with dress rehearsal for a couple of short plays by Certvantes. It's my first acting experience (aside from, um, getting to know two or so actresses in the past year). That'll keep me out of trouble for this evening at least.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

The fourth equalizer

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So, I’m an artist of sorts, I enjoy creating at least. Lately I’ve been into fabrics, but since my sewing machine is from 1932 (literally) and hard to use, I went to Hobby Lobby to get some glittery fabric paint, which then led to the creation of a stencil. Once I saw it completed, I realized that’s it! That’s the image I’ve been looking for all these years! See, I’ve wanted a tattoo for years; I just wasn’t sure what I wanted on my body for the rest of my life. I wasn’t sure what would still look good when I’m 90 and wrinkled, much less what I would still be cool by then? So, I’ve waited a long time to find just the right image. I immediately called Johnny at Saint Tattoo, since it’s the best place to go get a tattoo in Knoxville and out the door I went to show him what I’d like. Butterflies have always represented redemption, resurrection, and transformation to me, the deep spiritual kind like a phoenix like rising from the ashes. There’s really nothing that I can think of that I’d rather have on me permanently than a beautiful reminder to rise up, and not let anything hold me down. This is why I also knew exactly where to put it on my body. That other almighty question when someone is getting a tattoo? For me, it’s on the opposite side from where I broke my back. There’s that redemption again.

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Johnny set me up with Anna and I could hardly wait, I would have it done right then if they could have gotten me in right away. That’s the cool thing about spending 10 years waiting for the right image, because when I found it, I knew it, and I didn’t need to think about it any longer. Over the next couple days, as I waited to have it done, I was truly surprised by how many people offered to come with me; apparently it was going to hurt? It had never dawned on me that it would hurt! Seriously, the way I saw it, there are millions of people with tattoos so it must not hurt too much? Guess I got cocky and figured if I could make it through breaking my back then a tattoo would be cake. My dear friend, Gypsy Queen’s offer was different from the others though, she understood the meaning behind this tattoo, and in a special way. I watched her kick cancer’s butt a few years ago, spent a summer text messaging and writing on a chalk board with her because she couldn’t talk. I’d seen her look death in the eye and walk away laughing, and that leaves a mark on a person that a tattoo can’t hold a candle to. Not that she didn’t get another tat herself after it was all said and done!

I met Gypsy there, with her usual Starbucks cup in hand, with her handless headset in place under her black curls and smiling face. Anna took us back to her room and we quickly settled in. As Anna began, I stifled a giggle, from that weird mix of a tinge of pain with a bit of tickle. You feel it sometimes when you get a massage and a particularly tight spot is being worked out. You aren’t sure if you should laugh or cry? It didn’t hurt, getting the tattoo, well, there was a moment or two, a couple seconds rather, that I felt a sharp pain, but for the most part it tickled? I didn’t cry, I laughed. All the while, Anna, Gyps, and I talked about being a woman in Knoxville, what our tattoos meant, Anna’s family, and how she has tattooed several of the ‘Soccer Mom’s’ that go to her church. You’d probably not automatically assume that a woman almost covered in tattoos would even go to church, much less tattoo several of the other women there? Ump, but that’s what we all get for assuming. How’s that saying go, something about

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making an ass out of you and me? I’ve noticed three things in this world that can bring all different kinds of people together like nothing else; God, music, and drugs. Think about it. You’ll see all kinds of people holding hands and praying together at church that you would rarely, if ever, see out sitting together at a restaurant. A good band brings a hard-core vegan, PETA loving, dreaded up, bike riddin’, hippie and a beer drinking, big orange T, baseball cap wearing, frat boy together in a New York minute. And drugs have a way of breaking through all socio-economic barriers and make for some really crazy pairings that you would just never expect to see. Like a house cat and blue jay having a picnic together.

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I now see there is a fourth equalizer, tattoos. Before I knew it, my tat was finished and I love it! Gyps and I went over to Barley’s for a late dinner and the comments began. I’ve since had the pleasure of random strangers coming up to compliment my tattoo, which makes for good conversations. It’s amazing how many people have them! And everyone seems to have a story behind theirs. There’s not much better than hearing someone share about something they are passionate about, and most people are passionate about their tattoos. I love hearing about what they mean as much as looking at them, especially from the big, macho, touch guy, dudes.

So, who’s got a tat? What’s it mean to you?

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February 13, 2007

Let the dance begin

Hello You Gorgeous 520 Blog Readers. Straps here.

Well it has begun.

Yes, beautiful people, the gauntlets have been dropped, lots have been cast, and the pint glasses lifted. Seven have subscribed to this brave endeavor, willing to duke it out Royal Rumble style, taking on the competition mano-y-bloggo, all vying to be the last scenester standing. But there can be only one, my lovely reader, only one. Hold on to yer Bluetooth mouses, interweb-ites, this one could get ugly.

All hail 520!!! Those who are about to try –our darn tootenest to get our greasy hands on them 500 bones by assuming our lives our so cool that any given reasonable person would find grand amounts of entertainment in dilly-dallying their time on this hi tech highway reading our over exaggerated accounts of bar crawling, rock show going, restaurant eating, movie watching exploits and adventures and listening to our damn clever witticisms and opinions because I am one damn cool individual, for real, I AM cool, you're gonna wanna read all about my hip cooly coolness, I know it, I know it, gosh darn it, and mamma says I’m funny- We salute you!

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And I give you my word, fair and just minded reader, I will reach deep into my ego, drawing on the power that my bratty child like need for your attention gives me, in order to provide you with nothing but the highest quality slacken-off-at-work-time. I know that in the time you spend reading my blog, you could have been reading Penny Arcade, or surfing AICN, or posting on your Friends of the River Otter forum, or playing Line Rider, or Googling yourself again, but you chose to burn that calorie in your little clickin finger by coming here. I know how valuable your wasted time is, and I thank you for sharing it with me.

As for my competitors in this little game, Dancing Queen, Thirteen, Joe Vegas, Tahlulah, and the oh so mysterious bloggers #1 and #2, it is go time. Win or lose, lets show this town what local scene rambling is all about. Let us not think of ourselves and of prizes. Instead, let us think of what we can do for Knoxville , nay I say, what we can do for the whole darn internet. Let the cyber yarns of our bacchanal night life shenanigans bring peace, humor, and enlightenment to this grand electric ether. Let us rise above the cyber slime layers of porn and Diet Coke and Mentos videos on YouTube. This is your chance to make a difference! United you can make the internet a better place. And the annals of history will say the revolution started right here in K-town. In the badly misquoted words of one time pop star Pat Benetar, “We blog, We blog, We blog together.”

We can make that brighter tomorrow … alright, I can’t type this crap with a straight face anymore. Bring on the hyper critical opinions, toilet humor, gossip, bad advice and scandal already! And give me my five hunion dollars, beyatches! Cuz as fun as this is gonna be, everybody knows its all about them five Franklins.

Let’s get this dance started shall we?

I’ll be talking to you real soon, beautiful Knox-town. Next up will be my tips for Valentine’s Day. Not to be missed, I tell ya. Till then, stay out of trouble, or if not, send me pics.

-Straps out.

The Second Mardi Gras (part 1 of 2)

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Location:Barley's, Hannah's, Downtown Grill and Brewery, Waffle
House, Almost The Police Department

Drink(s) of choice: Bahama Mama (ew), Long Island Tea
(ewww), and Margaritas!

Event: My 21st Birthday!!!!

The Friends: E, E's Sister, My Birthday Boyfriend, The
Police in the Old City





My friends and I have done some crazy things partying in Knoxville so
when I saw this opportunity from Knoxville520.com to share them with
you, I got excited! I really hope you'll enjoy the stories that I'll
share over the next 4 weeks (assuming you don't vote me out). Some of
the stories will be pretty
crazy, others will be hilariously funny, and a few of them will (more
than likely) be just plain stupid. But all of them, I can assure you,
will be totally true!

The first story I want to share with you is the celebration of my
entrance into (legally) partying, my 21st birthday. The evening got
so crazy it was eventually dubbed by many of my friends as the second
Mardi Gras!

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We started out with a group of about 30 people at the Downtown (Grill & Brewery). I was extremely excited that this was going to be my very first legal night of drinking and after my fourth margarita I was ready for the evening to begin.

We hung out at the Downtown for a while longer, but the band was
terrible this night, so we decided to hit up Hannah's next.
Unfortunately, most of Hannah's was a blur to me, but I do recall that
my best friend "E", and I found "boyfriends" for the night.

We took our boyfriends upstairs and danced for a while to the R & B
that was playing and continued to drink. Some time later, E's sister
found me on a couch in Hannah's and asked me why I was sitting alone.
I told her that I was waiting on my boyfriend for the night to bring
me a Long Island Tea. In my inebriated state this all seemed good and
well, but looking back I've wondered two things. Why did I have a
birthday boyfriend and why was he was bringing me another Long Island
Tea.

By this point in time, I had already consumed four marguerites, three
Long Island Teas, and four Bahama Mama's. We partied hard and we
partied for a long time, but after that night, I pledged to never
again drink another Bahama Mama or Long Island Tea.

To Be Continued...

Get down and dirty!

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Let's get ready to rumble with this monster-truck of a contest brought to you by your favorite entertainment website, Knoxville520.com.

We've selected our contestants, arranged for the grand prize and called our next of kin. Before we get this party started, we thought we'd introduce you to the professional partiers who will be begging for your votes over the next few weeks. Remember...you, gentle reader, will be voting these folks off the party island each week. The last one standing gets $500 from Knoxville520!


Alright, here are your Knox Vegas Survivor contestants (in no particular order):

maybe blog pic3.JPG "Dancing Queen" (Read her first post here!)
mask.jpg "Thirteen" (Read his first post here!)
bush.jpg "Joe Vegas" (Read his first post here!)
 strapsknox2.jpg "Strapping Young Lad" (Read his first post here!)
tat.jpg "Tahlulah" (Read her first post here!)
520logo.jpg "Mystery Blogger #1"
520logo.jpg "Mystery Blogger #2"

Each of these fine contestants will make regular entries to their 520 contest blog. On Mondays, we'll leave it up to the 520 readers to decide who gets to stay in the contest and who needs to brush up on their party-skills! That's right, you have all the power. Please use it for good, not evil. We'll be voting one person off every week until March 5th, which will be the final showdown to determine the one winner.

Be sure to check back every day to see what these crazy cats are up to!

Game on.

February 12, 2007

Goodness Gracious

Welcome to the new 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

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Wednesday morning was a little surreal. It just didn't seem possible that the iconic McClung Warehouses were being completely gutted by a mammoth, sky-high fire. And it didn't seem real that the wind was carrying flames and starting new fires as far away as Barley's. But it was all too real: morning television shows were interrupted by live coverage, the interstate was reduced to a crawl, and the internet was abuzz with live feeds, blogs, and message boards devoted to the story. Even with the umpteen pictures all over the media taken of the building on fire, it still took awhile for the magnitude of the loss to sink in.

And then the questions began. Was it the city's fault or the owner's? Was it accidental or was it arson? That nutter seriously lived in that building? Without electricity? Dude, that's weird.

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We here at 520 are proud of our men in black and yellow, and we're glad to hear that last week's injured firefighters are on the road to recovery. However, this week's edition of The Monday After is dedicated to that firetruck that was parked just a little too close to the burning building on Wednesday morning. May she rest in peace.



And now for our weekly rankings!




Fences at the Clarence Brown Theatre


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If you missed seeing Fences at the Clarence Brown Theatre, shame on you. The Pulitzer Prize winning play by August Wilson is one of the most well-crafted stories ever to be set upon the stage. The gritty disparity explored in Fences is not easy to swallow, but still you're left with a sweet taste of hope once the curtain falls. I've seen this show produced two other times, but the majority of the cast of the CBT's show took me further into Wilson's saga of racial tension, family values and social status than any other production.

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Kudos to the director, cast and also the set designer, who made me feel like I was looking at an actual inner-city tenament house. I'd love to see more things of this quality hit the sadly inconsistant CBT stage! (5/5) -F.H.




Llama Train at the Preservation Pub


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This past Friday night I had the pleasure of seeing Llama Train, a local pseudo-jam band, at Preservation Pub. I've seen them a handful of times before, but more so than ever on this evening the crowd was dancing like mad, myself included, as Llama Train played until about 2 a.m. They're a fairly good live show, often switching instruments and vocal responsibilities, and certainly worth their $3 cover. (4/5) -D.S.




Breakers Sports Bar & Grill


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This weekend I spent some time at Breakers Sports Bar & Grill (5000 Clinton Highway, Knoxville). Was it quality time? Not bad, really, as far as hanging out in a "sports bar" goes. Before this past Saturday night, I'd never seen a pool tournament - like a real, official one - in progress; now I have. Pool sharks aside, the number of fellow revelers packed in there with me was amazing - from the outside, the place is pretty unassuming and hides its actual size well. Unfortunately, it was so busy, my friends and I didn't have much luck getting quick service at the bar. Still, if you want to immerse yourself in Knoxville's Saturday night sports bar culture, Breakers appears to be the real deal. (Plus, once the kitchen closes, there's a 24-hour Krystal restaurant right across the street. Bonus!) (3/5) -B.T.




Bernadette West Party at the Preservation Pub


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Last night was the going-away-party for Bernadette West at the Preservation Pub. It was supposed to be a surprise party, but I'm pretty sure several folks involved let the secret slip over the past couple of days. Nevertheless, it ended up being one of the best parties seen on Market Square in a long time. Some of Bernadette's favorite bands were asked to play a few songs in honor of the opportunities both she and Scott have given local musicians. Christabel & the Jons w/ Matt Morelock, Sara Schwabe & her Yankee Jass Band, Phil Pollard & the Band of Humans, Brandy Robinson and Llama Train all paid tribute to Bernadette in song and spirit. Somewhat of a big jam session, all the groups randomly traded off musicians and equipment and proved that the fellowship the Wests sought to create with the Preservation Pub has truly inspired local artists to work together. After last night, this audience member is conviced that the positive musical energy of Market Square will carry on through the Wests' unfortunate sentences. (5/5) -L.M.




Notes on a Scandal


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I've been wanting to bitch-slap Dame Judi Dench for quite sometime now. I mean, that face. It's just so very unpleasant. Deep down, I'm sure she's a lovely person. No, that's a big fat lie. I'm convinced she's just like her characters: icy, snobby, and mean. I don't condone violence, or condone assaulting celebrities, so I've been resigned to never have my dream of taking Judi Dench down a notch realized.

Imagine my childlike joy, then, at getting to watch Cate Blanchett, movie goddess, get in a cat fight with the old badger in Notes on a Scandal. It was like watching Galadriel battle Gollum in an epic cinematic battle of pretty versus evil.


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Dench's countenance aside, the movie was superb. Dench and Blanchett are masters at what they do, and watching the twisted relationship develop between their sublimely crafted characters over the course of the flick is a film connoisseur's wet dream. Extra kudos to Blanchett for doing the impossible: making you sympathize with, essentially, a statutory rapist. (4/5) -J.B.






Be good and don't play with matches! See you next week!

Ready. Fire. Aim.

CD Review - Million Billion

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L.A.-based band Million Billion was kind enough to send 520 an advance release copy of their debut CD, "Ready. Fire. Aim." Coming up on their 2-year anniversary, the band has clearly worked toward a goal of producing listenable, tenable pop rock (with a little soul and folk thrown in), and they've succeeded. Lead vocalist Gavin Bellour has a sound reminiscent of the early '90s, and the support of musicians Brian Ulrich and Yonatan Elkayam build each song into a richly detailed sonic experience. Aesthetically, the band has a hip style to their appearance, but after listening to this disc on repeat, trust me.. they are so much more than just their image.

"The Moped Song" opens the disc, and it's an attention-getter. This first taste of what Million Billion has to offer gives the listener understandable lyrics, punchy melody, and if you enjoy pop, exactly what you want to hear. The band describes their sound as "one with a progressive nature, but also a timeless and classic quality," according to their MySpace page ( myspace.com/millionbillion). No argument hear, since it's definitely a familiar sound, but not a copycat of any specific bands or artists per se. Deeper into the playlist is "Milk & Honey," a touching song that may well be Million Billion's CD single release (or at least, it would be if I were choosing it). The songs combine melodic hooks with ample acoustic guitar and percussion, and "Milk & Honey" is a particularly expert example of the trio's refined sound. Another favorite is the final track, "Psalm For Lovers Without Lovers" - touching, effective, and catchy.

The band has collaborated with, and/or shared bills with, several major artists, including Ray LaMontagne and Beck. This year they're set to perform at the South-By-Southwest SXSW festival in March. Who knows, they might be intuitive enough to make their way to Knoxville.. in the meantime, "Ready. Fire. Aim." is definitely recommended to anyone looking for a pop fix with a little edge on top. The band's official website is www.millionbillionmusic.com, and the CD's national release date was February 1. Consider yourself armed and dangerous with knowledge of... Million Billion.

(Editor's note: there's a rumor that their appearance at SXSW has been cancelled. Please consult their website to confirm at a later date.)

Afternoon delight

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I grew up listening to Greg Brown. His poetry, delivered by a sexy growl and accompanied by sparse, well-placed guitar chords, was well known in my family's home. I was nearly destroyed when I discovered I wouldn't be able to make his show at the Bijou last Thursday night. However, thanks to the wonders of radio - WDVX, to be exact - I was able to catch the Man from Iowa on the Blue Plate Special the following day. We got there about an hour before the show and the seats were already filling up. Evidently, I wasn't the only one who missed the show the night before. When Mr. Brown sauntered past me in the lobby along with his friend, Bo Ramsey, I felt my knees buckle and my body temperature kick up about two degrees. (I don't know what it is about that man - woof!) I'm not the only one who has the hots for him, either. A friend of mine, who has toured with big names like Van Morrison, Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson, told me he's one of the few musicians that makes her star-struck and the only one she'd ever lift up her shirt for at a concert. How many folkies have that kind of magnetism, honestly?


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Brown and Ramsey disappeared behind the studio door as the throngs continued to file through the front door. By the time the opening act, The Pea Ridge Ramblers, took the stage at noon, there was not an inch of floor left unclaimed. That was the most people I've seen at the free noontime concert series, by a longshot. The crowd was a refreshing mixture of local musicians, writers and hippies old & young. Even though the vast majority of the audience was there for the Brown/Ramsey segment, the Ramblers won many new fans with their clever, old-time tunes and easy banter.


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As the Ramblers wrapped their set up, WDVX's charming announcer, Matt Morelock, introduced Greg Brown and Bo Ramsey to the eager crowd. Brown's perpetual morning voice filled the room as he paid compliments to Knoxville and the artistic vision of WDVX. He didn't spend a whole lot of time talking and commenced to serenading us with his old and new material. He seemed to stray from the set-list from time to time, and left the silent Bo Ramsey to visably search for the chord changes over Brown's shoulder.

Spending a half-hour with Greg Brown is not nearly enough time, but it is a far cry better than nothing. In fact, I can't think of a better way to spend a cold afternoon than surrounded by good Knoxvillians and wrapped up in the heat of Greg Brown.

February 08, 2007

The small print

Sorry... this is totally boring, but it must be done. Here are the rules of the Blog Contest, if you're interested:

Knoxville520.com Ultimate Knox Vegas Survivor Blogging Contest!

1. Introduction: Knoxville520.com is conducting an Online Contest for a Visa gift card in the amount of $500 to be awarded on 3/9/07. Send an email to us at Knoxville520@gmail.com
with the phrase “I Will Survive!” in the subject line and your contact information in the body of the email in order to enter. Contestants who do not have Internet access may send a postcard with your contact information to: Knoxville520, Ultimate Knox Vegas Survivor Contest, 9721 Sherrill Blvd., Knoxville, TN, 37932. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY – JUST TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT KNOXVILLE520.COM!

2. Eligibility: Entrants must be 18 years of age at time of entry and a legal resident of the 50
United States and the District of Columbia. Contest deadline: 3 p.m. on Monday, February 5, 2007.

3. How to Enter: Visit www.Knoxville520.com, click on the contest article, locate Knoxville520 email address, and send email requesting to be entered in the drawing. Those without internet access should send postcard to aforementioned address with the above-specified text written on card.

4. Judging Criteria: Each entrant selected as a potential winner must comply with all terms and
conditions set forth in these Official Rules, and winning is contingent upon fulfilling all such
requirements. Prize winner will be selected through voting by Knoxville520 readers. The contest will take place under the supervision of Sponsors. Participants agree to be bound by these rules and the decision of the vote counter and/or polling service, whose decisions are final. Winner will be notified by e-mail and/or telephone. Employees of Sponsor(s), the Sponsor's parents, subsidiaries, affiliated companies, and agents and the immediate family (defined as parents, spouse, children, siblings, grandparents) of each such employees, and all those with whom such employees are domiciled, are NOT eligible.

5. Timing: Contest begins at 5:00 p.m. on Monday, February 5, 2007, and ends at 12 p.m. on Wednesday, March 7, 2007, or until Sponsors, at their discretion, decide to cancel.

6. Prizes: One randomly selected winner will receive one Visa giftcard in the amount of $500. Winner will be notified via email and/or telephone between 12 p.m. and 5 p.m. on Wednesday, March 7, 2007. Public announcement of the winner will be made on Thursday, March 8th via Knoxville520.com.

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8. Other Terms and Conditions: Prize will be delivered to winner of the contest per agreement made by Sponsor and winner. All entries much be original, may not have won previous prizes and must not infringe on any third party rights. Submission of entry constitutes entrant's consent (or that of their parent/legal guardian should they be a minor in their state of residence) to irrevocably assign to Sponsors any and all rights to their entry including, but not limited to, intellectual property rights. Potential winners and any guests who will share in the prize may each be required to sign and return an Affidavit of Eligibility, Liability Release. If any prize or prize notification is returned found to be non-deliverable, the potential winner will be disqualified and another potential winner will be selected in the original potential winner's place. By accepting the prize, the winner agrees that the Sponsor(s) and those acting under the Sponsor's authority, may use winner's name, picture/portrait likeness and/or voice, for advertising and promotional purposes without further consideration, unless prohibited by law. In the event of a tie, winner will be selected at random by staff of Knoxville520.com.

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10. Miscellaneous: A complete list of participants and winner will be available. Send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Knoxville520.com, Ultimate Knox Vegas Survivor Contest, 9721 Sherrill Blvd., Knoxville, TN 37932.

11. Idiot clause: Knoxville520.com expects that all participants will behave responsibily throught the duration of this contest. Please don't hurt yourself, nor anyone/anything else in the name of the game. If you get in trouble, we accept no responsibility and will probably deny ever knowing you.

Those Boys Can Play

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It’s been a while since I’ve seen what Frank Zappa would refer to as “serious” music; people sitting silently intently listening to esteemed musicians playing predominately acoustic music in a room designed to be acoustically proficient. I seldom get to take part in this type of musical experience for two reasons: 1) The target audience is usually “high society”, that means it’s expensive, and 2) The musical content is typically very old. This presents a problem for me because 1) I don’t have two nickels to rub together and 2) I desperately crave new music. With that in mind a sincere thank-you goes out to the UT Cultural Attractions Committee for bringing two of the best musicians on the planet, Chris Thile and Edgar Meyer, to the Cox Auditorium at the absurdly low price of $5 for students/$25 general admission.


A lot of you may be familiar with bassist Edgar Meyer. He is in fact an east Tennessee native and plays somewhere in our area with some regularity. Maybe you’ve seen him in an orchestral setting in Oak Ridge, or at the Tennessee Theatre playing a duet with Bela Fleck. For the unacquainted Edgar is a virtuosic bassist whose playing combines a masterful understanding of the classical tradition with a fluency in bluegrass and hints of everything else in the musical spectrum. His genius is not only undeniable it is in fact certifiable as he was presented the MacArthur Foundation’s Genius Award in 2002. Meyer has such a command on the full range of his instrument that he often performs music written for cello on his double bass. I’ve seen him perform duets with Bela three times so I knew whatever he and Chris Thile had come up with was sure to kick ass.


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In the days leading up to the performance I was surprised to find that a lot of my musical friends were unaware of Chris Thile. I got a lot of “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of Nickel Creek. Not really my thing.” These people had obviously never checked out any his six solo albums or ever really listened to a Nickel Creek album. I have an instrumental compilation album that gives short acclimations for all the players it contains stating things like this player is know for this recording and winning that award etc. etc.…but when you get to Chris Thile the liner notes read “Chris is known as being the best mandolin player in the world.” Now I don’t like to label anything as the absolute best there is but I fully admit there is no one I can think of that combines that kind of instrumental virtuosity with a perfectly intonated voice and still keeps his soul as a songwriter who can connect with people from any walk of life. But there would be no singing this night, just “serious” music.
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And it was clear from the moment the two took the stage in front of packed Cox Auditorium that the music would indeed be seriously challenging, seriously beautiful and often seriously hilarious. Oh and also seriously original. Two long sets and the only cover songs would be a couple J.S. Bach pieces and a very cool rendition of “The Smoothie Song” for the Nickel Creek fans. Yes all original tunes, some of which had not yet received a title, a source of much of the night’s improvised conversation between the two musicians. That banter was almost as fun to listen to as the music, starting a little awkwardly but loosening over the night into some pretty damn funny jokes on each other and the people in the audience. But enough already… what about the music? It’s hard to generalize the sound of the music created by Meyer and Thile. At times it was deeply rooted in what could be described as new wave classical; intensely rich compositions taking huge risks, resulting in something like looking down a tonal kaleidoscope while riding rhythmic rollercoaster. But a tune with that type of madness would be followed by something like "Just as Well" an original ballad that floated into soft swing feel. On "The Farmer and The Duck" the duo took a breakneck funk beat section and snapped it into a delightfully goofy half-time vaudeville-esque melody. The best part of all is watching each of them let go of their bodies during solos. Chris looks like a marionette be tossed around from side to side with his face contorting to the shape of his mandolin licks. And even Meyer who is normally cool and proper in his technique was sliding his feet like he had a bad case of disco fever. These guys were enjoying hearing themselves play together, probably more than any of us in the audience can imagine. The program with intermission came out to be about two and half hours. For us students that translates to around two dollars an hour for some truly amazing music.
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As they the saying goes, “It’s all been done before, but you can never do it the same twice.” The music played this last week exemplified where I feel the most exciting sounds are in this globally connected internet propelled modern day. It’s fusion. Musicians no longer have to stay in one mold to gain a fanbase. They create their own sound by way of everything they come into contact with. And when two musicians do it so expertly as Chris Thile and Edgar Meyer did you can’t help but give credit where it’s do. As I stated earlier, I don’t like to label anything as being the absolute best but I would definitely place that night performance in the “beyond category” category. Be on the lookout for upcoming UT Cultural Attractions Committee events including The Dirty Dozen Brass Band on February 12th and Ladysmith Black Mambazo on March 3rd.

Spoken word circus

Walk on the wild side with Jack Rentfro


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“Welcome to the Crackerdome!”


“Apocalypso!”

“Music to Listen to While Listening to Music and the Words that Go With It!”

These are the titles to a few of the spoken word happenings recently performed by award winning writer and local personality Jack Rentfro. “I don’t necessarily want to give a name to all the shows. Sometimes, you don’t know if the baby is going to make it through that first winter. So you don’t give’em a name. That way, you don’t get so attached.”

Jack has been attached to the creative writing process since winning his first poetry award while in grammar school. “I’ve been shivering in the literary punch line ever since.” His fiction, poetry and essays have appeared in the last four Knoxville Writers’ Guild anthologies, and he was the 2006 recipient of the Guild’s Leslie Garrett Short Story Award. Rentfro has also combined his experience as a professional journalist with his interest in history and music, and authored the book “Cumberland Avenue Revisited: Four Decades of Music from Knoxville, Tennessee” (Cardinal Publishing 2003). He says his “spoken word performances are the culmination of 30 years of participating in creative happenings around town.”

You can catch Jack’s entertaining spoken-word side show this Thursday, February 8, at Preservation Pub, with the irreverent Phil Pollard & his Band of Humans. The fun begins at 10:00 p.m.

For a sample, please listen to the “Your State or Mine” podcast from Todd Steed’s website ObKnoxCast. This selection features Jack Rentfro performing with the Band of Humans’ vibraphonist, Phil Pollard, and pianist, Geol Greenlee.

“I Was Driving Under the Influence of Kerouac”

The phrase “spoken word” inevitably conjures up images of hippy-dippy-Greenwich Village coffeehouses, beatnik berets, bongos, and finger-snapping in lieu of applause. Jack admits that while this style of literary performance is “easily ridiculed and parodied now, it was revolutionary at the time.” He sites Jack Kerouac, Neal Cassady, Allen Ginsberg, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Gregory Corso, Gary Snyder and LeRoi Jones as his early influences and inspirations.

As far as modern influences, Jack says he “has seen Minton Sparks and especially Laurie Anderson pull off a lot of wild combinations with music, technology and words. Anderson, more than any other single artist, has convinced me there’s a place for spoken word.”
Jack believes the addition of musical accompaniment is one thing that separates spoken word from slam and other forms of pubic readings. “Spoken word tends to be more conversational in tone and is more likely to be read from a printed page; whereas, slam seems to rely more on emotional interjection. And, slammers tend to memorize their material, which is a skill I envy.”

“I’ve been doing this [spoken word] for years. What I’m doing now is far more evolved that what we [in Knoxville] were doing back in the ‘80s. Nowadays, I have the luxury of having an incredible talent pool of musicians who are very supportive of what I do.

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“Phil Pollard had a lot to do with convincing me that putting together a spoken word show was a good idea….I’ll get him back someday.”

“I Don’t Like Seeing Other People Humiliated, But I Don’t Care What Happens to Me Anymore”

When preparing for a show, Rentfro says he sorts through all of his creative writing pieces. “My prose is much stronger, but I like to use my shorter poems as a kind of chapter break when performing.” He rehearses at home with a bass guitar and an old amplifier and microphone. He also selects material based on the type of crowd and venue where he will be performing.

“It IS possible, by the way, to rock a bookstore. Or a library. It is also possible to do thoughtful, sensitive essays set to a mild beat in front of a room full of drunks.” A musician himself (formerly with Cheap Shoes), Rentfro sketches out ideas and chords to accompany his work.

He says “rhythm and sheer sonic quality have always been extremely important to me in my creative writing.” Rentfro claims the music is “at least 50 percent of the content” of his spoken word shows. “I think of what I’m doing as being “in a band.” It’s supportive to have these people up there with me while I make an ass of myself.”

This self-proclaimed paranoid introvert is frequently accompanied by Phil Pollard, Geol Greenlee, and Chris Zuhr, all from the Band of Humans. This trio provides what Rentfro refers to as “the Great American Songbook.” Some musical selections are deliberately chosen to provide irony and/or additional comedy to the spoken word selections. (i.e., “You Always Hurt the One You Love” as background to a particularly sadistic rant.)

Sometimes he is joined by Brandon Beavers, Brandon Johnson, David Phillips and “Kukuly” Uriarte, who provide more of a world-music flair accompaniment with strings, horns, and middle-eastern percussion.

With little or no rehearsal time with the bands, Jack compares the “thrill of working without a net” to the “adrenalin fix enjoyed by people who jump out of airplanes. The musicians are my parachute.”

“Now, I just have to keep writing new and better stuff if I want to keep my seat on this crazy bus ‘rolling down Gay Street on square wheels’” he says, quoting a line from R.B. Morris.

“The Only Revolution is the One Inside Your Head”

Rentfro credits “singer-songwriter laureate (now UT Writer-in-Residence) R.B. Morris for single-handedly kick starting a live, musical poetry scene in Knoxville. Rentfro also gives a nod to “local actor-provocateur Greg Congleton” for staging the first of several local performances of Jack Kerouac’s book-length poem “Mexico City Blues.”

The poetry scene in Knoxville continues to enjoy a surge in popularity with readings and/or slams being hosted at the Corner Lounge, World Grotto, Preservation Pub, 11th Street Espresso House, Carpe Librum Booksellers and The Lost Savant bookstore. The University of Tennessee’s “Writers in the Library” series is frequently supported by a large audience of students, writers and word enthusiasts. The Knox County Public Library System has also played host to popular writing workshops and performances.

Jack Rentfro would like to thank the following local artists and supporters who have kept and continue to keep the creative writing/performance scene alive in Knoxville:

Black Atticus; Ashley Capps; Greg Congleton; Jeff Daniel; Donna Doyle, Casie Fedukovich; Larry Frank; Brian Griffin; Rus Harper; Nelda Hill; Sheryl Hill; Marilyn Kallet; Tony Lawson; Ann Lloyd; Judy Loest; Linda Parsons Marion; Kali Meister; R.B. Morris; Julia Nance; Phil Pollard; Matt Shafer Powell; Daniel Roop; Benny Smith; Todd Steed; Rhea Sunshine; and, Scott and Bernadette West.

*

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Thursday, February 8 Jack Rentfro with Phil Pollard & his Band of Humans, 10:00 p.m. Preservation Pub 28 Market Square Knoxville, Tennessee (865) 524-2224

Saturday, March 10
Jack Rentfro & others
Benefit for Detroit Dave
Corner Lounge
842 N. Central Street
Knoxville, TN
(865) 971-1711
Details to be announced


Friday, April 20
Jack Rentfro with Phil Pollard
Benefit for Hellbender Press
Corner Lounge
842 N. Central Street
Knoxville, TN
(865) 971-1711
Details to be announced

February 05, 2007

Hey Hey For Pey-Pey

Welcome to the new 520 blog, The Monday After. This is our attempt to blast through our Monday morning hangovers and offer up some quickie reviews of all the things we’re pretty sure we got into this past week, including gigs, concerts, movies, plays, and restaurants. Pop a couple of ibuprofens and enjoy.

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The Super Bowl. Love it or hate it, statistics say that you were probably watching it anyway. Assuming that you successfully managed to wrest yourself away from that oh-so gripping You're The One That I Want reality musical theater contest over on NBC, you and eighty billion other people were watching hometown hero Peyton Manning and his herd of Colts vie for the top prize in the NFL against the Chicago Bears.


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While the game had its share of firsts ~ first African-American coaches to coach a Super Bowl, first championship game played in the rain, first Super Bowl kickoff returned for a touchdown ~ we all know here in Knoxville that this game was all about getting Peyton his first ever championship: prep, college, or professional.

Congrats, Pey-Pey, on getting that damn monkey off your back. This week's The Monday After goes out to you.

And now for our weekly rankings!




Jay Clark and Jeff Barbra at the Laurel Theatre


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Singer-songwriters Jay Clark and Jeff Barbra performed a solid show of original folk, Americana and country music covering a spectrum of love, loss, religion and drinking. (Thankfully no songs about minimum wage and pick up trucks). The blending of voices, styles and camaraderie between these old friends and seasoned musicians was delightful, as were the harmonies provided by special guests Mike McGill (Drunk Uncles) and Sarah Pirkle. Barbra's turns on the piano also added a nice variety. (4/5) -D.D.




Dixie Dirt with deek hoi at Barley's


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deek hoi's ethereal dreamy qualities were a bit drowned out by crowd noise and bustle. I hope to catch them again at a smaller venue. (I know, I know, I missed them at the Pilot Light.) Their sound check of "Take Me To The Next Whiskey Bar" was fun (the room wasn't as noisy then) and hearing Josh Sidman on electric bass was a treat. Dixie Dirt's tight and polished set gained rocking momentum throughout the night with scorching guitar riffs reminiscent of U2 and lyrics that ranged from tender to gritty. Front woman Kat Brock's passionate delivery counter-played nicely off of Angela Santos' ultra cool and hard driving style. I look forward to seeing both of these bands again. (4/5) -D.D.




Absolute Wood at The Pint House


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I consider myself to be pretty familiar with Knoxville acoustical duo, Absolute Wood. It was pretty much this time last year that I started regularly attending their various shows around town, but I'd seen them perform a few years prior when I went to The Spot (rest in peace) with some friends. The band features two members - vocalist and percussionist Scott "Scottski" Sokoloski, and vocalist and guitarist Matt Woods - and they've doing what they do for about seven years now. They performed Friday at The Pint House, a fairly new bar on the North side of town. It's owned by the same folks who own T Ho Vietnamese Bistro, which I've patronized for years whenever I need a noodle bowl fix. The sound in the bar is pretty decent, for the size of it, and the band brings a good-sized following to pretty much wherever they play. My only real complaint is that the bar's current status is that of a beer & wine bar, so no cocktails are available. The beer's nice and cold, though, and the staff are friendly.

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Oh, and, Absolute Wood does take requests - but I wouldn't ask for 'Freebird.' (4/5) -B.T.





Honky Tonks Anonymous w/ The Ben Maney Band at Preservation Pub


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Saturday I checked out Honky Tonks Anonymous and took part in their two step program: Step 1) Get Drunk, Step 2) Have a good time. A simple recipe for a foot shufflin' sing-a-long inducing night of great music. I'll go anywhere to hear Brock Henderson sing and play pedal steel. Robert Richards pulled double duty playing guitar for Ben Maney and then slipping behind the drum kit for HTA. Gotta give it up for Ben Maney who has been playing in everyone else's bands for years and is now stepping out with his own brand of eclectic music. Another night proving you can always find good music on Market Square. (5/5) -D.M.





Super Bowl XLI


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Was anyone else out there severely let down by the Super Bowl? Yeah, the game was alright and definitely full of highlight reel material (especially when the ball was so wet that it might as well have been a greased pig). But the commercials sucked (GoDaddy and Sierra Mist inspired me to vow to never use their products) and the commentators were running out of crap to spew (who cares that Tony Dungy, the Colts coach, never ever curses?). And in the end, as Jim Irsay, the Colts owner, and Dungy gave it up to the Lord as they accepted their trophy, the whole Super Bowl seemed to be turning into a poorly written ad for a new Era of Christian Football. If this lukewarm game was a sign of things to come, then count me out. (3/5) -J.B.

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Oh, and here's something to add to your file of Internet Weird. Go to Snicker's afterthekiss.com to see actual NFL football players comment on the gay kiss commercial that was aired during the Super Bowl. Rex Grossman says it's one of the best commercials he's ever seen. Huh.






See you next week!

The passion of a man

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When Karen Reynolds, host of Writer’s Block, introduced Malcolm Holcombe during his last Knoxville performance, she told the crowd that seeing him live was an “experience.”

For the uninitiated like me, I was confounded and entranced by Holcombe’s primitive and passionate style. He gets so into his music, it’s as though he’s in a trance as he wrestles his guitar, stomps his boot heel and growls and drools like a back-woods Tom Waits. I attended this 2006 concert based only upon press reports and hearing a cover of his beautiful song “Dressed in White”. By the end of this show, I was hooked on Malcolm and his music, and I am very much looking forward to his return this Wednesday, February 7, as he kicks off the Writer’s Block Live! 2007 series at 6:30 p.m. at the Knoxville Museum of Art.

A very gifted songwriter and fierce guitarist and singer, Holcombe’s music has been described by Rolling Stone as “haunted country, acoustic blues and rugged folk….” Performing with small combos or solo, his delivery is captivating and interesting, sparse and striking. No Depression magazine listed Holcombe’s “I Never Heard You Knockin’” as “Holcombe at his best.” The Wall Street Journal also described this CD as “a stunning and aural equivalent of found art.” Americana Roots refers to his latest release, Not Forgotten, as “a work to be remembered, to be listened to time and again.”

If you are a lover or writer of poetry, fiction or music, please experience Malcolm Holcombe in person. Lonesome Coyote, Maggie Longmire, will perform the opening number on Holcombe's show. The Writer’s Block Live! series focuses on independent performing songwriters and these artists frequently share stories about their craft. These concerts are a great way to learn and absorb writing techniques. Also, the Knoxville Museum of Art’s auditorium is a comfortable, smoke-free pitch perfect listening room. With an affordable ticket price and early start time, Writer’s Block Live! concerts are a great way to experience the incredible Knoxville music scene.


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Wednesday, February 7 at 6:30 p.m.
Malcolm Holcombe
Knoxville Museum of Art
1050 World’s Fair Park
Free parking
Complimentary catering by Panera Bread
Cash Bar available
General Admission Tickets are $7.00 and can be purchased at the door or in advance at www.KnoxTix.com

Saturday, April 7 at 8:00 p.m.
Malcolm Holcombe
Laurel Theatre
1538 Laurel Avenue
Ticket price to be announced

UPCOMING WRITER’S BLOCK LIVE! SHOWS

Wednesday, March 7
Buddy Mondlock

Wednesday, April 4
Dana Cooper

Wednesday, April 18
R.B. Morris


(photo credits: Bill Emory, cover & Chris McFall, body)

Mrs. Rearden drinks a little

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There are many factors in our lives that hold us back. They keep us from doing what we really want to do and cause us to settle for whatever is at hand. Once we are aware of these factors, where we go from there is not always predictable. Some choose to ignore them and point out others' faults instead, some adopt a new "problem" or social stance in hopes of having some control over the stigmas received. Eventually something gives and we have to deal with our real issues, but we never know when or who it will happen in front of. That's the residual feeling I'm left with after seeing AND MRS. REARDEN DRINKS A LITTLE.

Margy Ragsdale (Anna) portrays a woman who initially does not seem to want to acknowledge the fear she is so consumed with, but after witnessing other characters being forced to face their own situations, she finally comes to terms with her own. The story unfolds and offers insight into these dark little corners, and reminds us to pay attention to the people in our lives who are our enablers- they encourage us to remain in those boxes that we and others have placed ourselves into. They do not help or change us, and because they are there, we unconsciously accept our fates of wasted potential.

Fortunately, the entire show was not so philosophically gloomy. Arthur Stair (Bob) lessens a bit of the tension that had us squirming in our seats by being a much-needed comedic relief amidst the sharp-tongued quarreling sisters, Windie Wilson (Ceil) and Jill Bergeron (Catherine). The sisters harbour many stifled and uneasy sentiments toward eachother but attempt to forge mutual tolerance for one another after a series of events affecting their younger sister require some major decisions. Bob was perhaps the most honest character and played a key role in everyone else coming about their wits. In his own words, "When we pretend something never happens, that it never existed, it only gets worse in the mind".

Come see AND MRS. REARDEN DRINKS A LITTLE... Theatre Knoxville Downtown, located at 319 Gay Street across from Regas Restaurant. Remaining performances are this Thursday 8 February- Saturday 9 February at 8 pm and Sunday 11 February at 3 pm. Call 865-544-1999 for more info or to reserve tickets.

Ultimate Knox Vegas Survivor Contest!

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Attention all you party people! This is your official invitation to enter the Ultimate Knox Vegas Survivor Contest!

What is this little contest all about, you ask?

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It's simple: Once you enter, your challenge is to stay in the contest by keeping Knoxville520 readers entertained with blog accounts of your entertainment exploits. If you fail, they'll vote you off the island - um, website. The winner will get a major cash prize, just in time for Spring Break.


How can you get in on the action?

All you need to do is send us an email to knoxville520@gmail.com by Feb. 8th saying, "I Will Survive", and we'll add you to the list of participants. The more, the merrier, so tell your friends to tell their friends to tell their friends...you get the idea.

When does the game start?

The Ultimate Knox Vegas Survivor Contest will officially kick off on Monday, February 12, 2007. Yup, that's right - that's not too far away, so send us an email expressing your interest ASAP, STAT, PDQ...now!

How do you play?

We will send you a password to access a special blogging program, and you write about all the parties, clubs, shows, festivals you attend. You can post as often as you like and as creatively as you like. Include photos, links, etc. All posts will be reviewed by our staff before being published, but we won't cramp your unique style. You'll be encouraged to promote yourself and your blog around town by using MySpace, Facebook, posters, flyers, etc.

At least once per week, Knoxville520 readers will get the chance to vote for their favorite bloggers. The person left at the end of the contest on March 8, 2007 will get the mother load - $500!

Who can try their hand?

We'll be printing the official rules when we announce the participating bloggers next Monday, but basically anyone at least 18 years of age who doesn't work for our company is eligible. Feel free to contact us for more specific info before Feb. 8th.

Come on, folks. You're gonna be going out anyway - you might as well get some fame and fortune out of it!

Send your "I Will Survive" email now to join in the fun! (link found on 520 homepage)

(Idiot warning: It's okay to party and blog, but please don't party and drive, party and beat people up or party and violate farm animals. We trust you'll use common sense during this contest.)

February 01, 2007

The psych-folk of deek hoi

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If you weren't at the deek hoi show on Friday night, you should have been. Christa (of Christabel and the Jons) even made it after their swanky perfomance at the Laurel Theatre. "And why the effort on such a cold night?" you may ask.


Well, I'll tell you. deek hoi rolled out their new disc "the golden country." And opening for them was Eyes and Arms of Smoke--all we really needed was some poi from Gypsy Hands (and a bonfire). Eyes and Arms of Smoke lent itself, with its clarinet and hypnotic variations, to snakes emerging from baskets, belly dancers, and throwin' some fire around. It was the perfect beginning to a very chilly evening. If you weren't at the show and you believe in second chances, you may want to keep reading.

deek hoi takes you to mystical summer evenings under the stars...Knoxville evenings...where both kisses and ideas can be stolen in backyards with good friends. Even if it is January, and you can't feel your buns any longer while sitting in the den of the Pilot Light, you can still imagine. deek hoi is the dream that you don't want to end--then suddenly those few seconds after you wake up, when everything is so clear--but only the best parts of that dream rise to the surface of recollection. With Jen Rock, Jennifer Bradley, Josh Sidman, Daniel Coy, and John Ferguson, the dream was delicious and only too short. But there are no worries in deek hoi-land, they will play again--this Saturday actually.

deek hoi opens for Dixie Dirt, hallelujah, Saturday Feb. 3 at Barley's.

And February is short, can I get an amen?

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photo credit: Bran Rogers

Are you rocked hard enough?

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Attention Knoxville musicians: I am not being rocked hard enough.


Don’t misinterpret that. There are plenty of bands in Knoxville that rock. However, nothing rocks.

I’m not knocking the whole scene—the scene is great. I basically tour with Medford’s Black Record Collection. I recently fell in love with Christabel and the Jons. I catch Leslie Woods and Dark Mountain Orchid every time I can. These bands, among others, are amazingly talented and unique in the Knoxville scene and know how to put on a great live show.

But no one really has that raw rock sound of crunching guitar riffs, exploding cymbals, resonating drum fills and ripping bass lines. Nor do they have the crazy stage antics or alcohol-laden personalities.

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that Matt Foster and Michael Davis (of MBRC) trade in their banjos, mandolins and violins for a Les Paul and a Marshall stack, or that Christa DeCicco (of Christabel and the Jons) end every performance by drunkenly hurling her classical guitar through the bass drum. These bands are actually better than most rock in that they write songs that are more sophisticated lyrically and more complex musically.

Instead, I’m begging that someone start making good old-fashioned rock and roll music.

The phrase “rock is dead” has been used a million times but it has never once been accurate. New forms come about all the time sprouted out of the old forms. But that doesn’t mean that the old forms are unwelcome. They may be cliché. They may be shallow. They may be unoriginal. But they still satisfy some urge. I know it’s only rock and roll, but I like it.

Hard rock music is not exactly the kind of music that comes from this region of the country, being that we’re in the middle of Appalachia and close to the country music capital of the world. But I can’t be the only person in this city that wants to rock.

There are tribute bands that come through here right and left. The college student crowd loves to get wasted and watch people pretend to be washed-up rock stars. There’s Appetite for Destruction (the Guns ‘N Roses tribute), The Machine (Pink Floyd tribute) and Zoso (the Led Zeppelin tribute) that all come through here.

I don’t want to see this. I want someone to come out with hard rock music. There are bands in town that fall into sub-genres of rock, but nothing that’s straight-up, unmistakable rock. Even so, most of these bands are barely worth their cover charge (and only on nights when there are beer specials).

Even with popular music there has been a shift away from hard rock. Bands try to come up with a new sound only slightly rooted in rock. Whereas many of them succeed, this results in a plethora of pretentiousness (i.e. most indie rock). Somehow this is voiced off as “creative” and it seems like bands, as well as rock critics, feel this is the only direction rock can go. This is holding this blend up to its own standards, not the traditional standards that rock has always been held up to. You know what real creativity is? Taking a genre that’s usually seen as uncreative and making it so. There’s still room to make colorful riffs. Both Clutch and Wolfmother have proven this in the past decade, among plenty of others.

But it doesn’t even matter if it’s creative. The main focus of rock is not creativity. It’s about having a great time. As Neil Young once said “rock and roll is about saying I’m happy to be alive right now.” Something about rock music provides a great release that nothing else can and has done so for over 50 years.

So, I’m begging someone here in town to play straight-up rock. Turn up the distortion pedals and play with the rawest power and most intense passion. Straddle the border between singing and screaming. Hit the cymbals at least every four beats. Turn everything up to 11. And at least knock over your amps at the end of the show.

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Rock on, Knoxville!

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