Knoxville520.com

Are you waking up miserably alone every cold, weekday morning, wishing upon your pillow for a hottie by your side? My friend, there's hope for you yet. Simply turn on WBIR for Today at 7 a.m., where you can watch the sassy Meredith Vieira and the sultry Matt Lauer take one flirtatious step closer each day to playing hardcore tonsil hockey. Less likely to make out, but just as hot, is WBIR's morning news team, comprised of the studly stud Ben Senger and the purr-tastic sex kitten Abby Ham. In the time it takes to hit the snooze button twice, feed your face, and comb your hair, you can enjoy a smorgasbord of sexy NBC news anchors: Lauer, Vieira, Ham, and Singer, with the alluring Ann Curry and the squeezable Mike Witcher thrown in for good measure. (There's even the more-to-love Al Roker, if you're into that.) This week we dedicate The Monday After to Ms. Abby Ham, the creme de la creme of newscast hotness. Ms. Ham, every morning you tell us the good and bad of East Tennessee, and every morning we dreamily listen, our minds drunk with thoughts of pork, bacon, and you. Thanks, you smoking sexpot, for giving us all the opportunity to say, "I wake up with Abby Ham."




For more on Knoxville's Abby Ham obsession, click here or here.



And now for our weekly rankings!

The Gondolier Restaurant in Halls

I was very skeptical of Gondolier after hearing several of my friends rave about this place. They said the Italian food was really, really good, but also really, really cheap. We all know how cheap Italian places are. Fazoli's, just about every pizza joint in town, Oscar's...the list of mediocrity goes on.

Well shut me up and color me impressed. I ordered a Gyro Platter for $6.99 that came with a giant amount of lamb, tzatziki, and pita; a big ole Greek salad with pepperoncinis and kalamata olives; and a large side of sphaghetti (in case your bowels weren't quite packed). My dinner guest had a similarly priced House Calzone, which was big enough for two. And it all was pretty tasty. The best part was that I put have my meal in a doggy bag and enjoyed it again for dinner. Two good meals for under ten bucks is quite a steal. (4/5) -J.B.

A Cool Weekend on the Square

As everyone in attendance would surely agree, back-to-school weekend on Market Square kicked ass. Friday night's line-up of Jescoe, The Billings Band, and Mac Comer packed out the Grotto and everyone was diggin' the PBR and Whiskey combo meal. Saturday's crowd was a little more evenly dispersed with Nova Delinquents at The Preservation Pub, Sara Schwabe and Her Yankee Jass Band at Oodles and artvandalay and Strut at the Grotto. Special thanks to everyone who came to see artvandalay (I was the guitarist with the mullet wig, not the afro). I do have to say that the best part of the weekend for me was the surprise of seeing Laith Keilany back in town and having a good time. Let's all keep him in our thoughts as he is still fighting down the road to recovery. And let's all keep supporting local music, especially on Market Square. (4/5) -D.M.

The Red Stick Ramblers and The Wilders at the Bijou Theatre

The Red Stick Ramblers kicked off the show with a wonderful and expertly executed set of Cajun, boogie, western swing, country and jazz. The Wilders were absolutely delightful. Playing an energetic set of vintage country/bluegrass originals and covers, their enthusiasm was infectious and each member of this quartet laid down some killer licks. All string bands should watch, listen and learn from The Wilders. They are the real deal. SOAPBOX: Why did so many WDVX fans stay home Thursday night? Tickets to this show only cost $13.50, parking was free, and the show began early in a beautiful, smoke free, pitch perfect auditorium. And, it wasn’t raining! If we don’t support the local scene, we are going to lose shows like this amazing double-bill. (5/5) -D.D.

Sara Schwabe and Her Yankee Jass Band at Oodles

I knew when I walked in and heard the band playing a medley of the 80s pop song "Tainted Love" and Van Morrison’s "Moondance," that the band was in a particularly sassy and playful mood. That mood never ceased as keyboardist Geol Greenlee whipped out his accordion and jammed on "Mambo Italiano," "Roll Out the Barrel," "These Boots are Made for Walkin’," and Tom Wait’s "Tango ‘Til Their Sore." On Tom Wait’s "New Coat of Paint," Pollard ad-libbed a truly inspired spoken word interlude about a hygiene-challenged-dulcimer-making-man-looking-to-hookup-with-a-woman-with-a-stackable-washer-and-dryer. The return of the band’s saxophonist, Barry Reilly, also added excitement, flair and variety to the show and upright bassist Chris Zuhr held things together and punctuated the music with some high fiber sounds. Mistress Sara blinded us all with her cleavage and devilish smile as she sang and scatted through the most wonderfully eclectic set I’ve ever heard the band play. (5/5) -D.D.

Moving

I'm shipping out of Knoxville at the end of this week and heading to New York City to pursue fame, glory, and delicious bagels. This past week (from hell) has included sorting, filing, packing, cleaning, buying, selling, hair pulling, and exhaustion. (What on earth convinced me that I needed to save every scrap of paper from the last five years?) I don't recommend moving to anyone, especially moving away from a city that you've really grown to love over the past seven years. I'm looking forward to the big city, but I am sad to leave Knoxville and all of the great people I've met here. Come back to the site where I'll soon write a proper good-bye, but in the meantime, thanks for reading the site and making Knoxville such a great place to live! (1/5) -J.B.




See you next week!